M.A. Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 My ex and I have been together for 3 years before we broke up. I just had his first child 6 months ago. He broke up with me with the intentions of us fixing things separately and within our own lives. It's been 6 months and we still are not together. He started going back to strip clubs, bars, and befriending exes and girls he used to flirt with while with me on social media. He said he will not give those things up for me since I've done him wrong in the past which he has done to me as well. Am I wrong for not wanting him to do these things ? We are somewhat working things out but he makes it clear that he wants to do whatever he wants meanwhile. From what I see, he isn't dating any other girl. Once I did check his Instagram and he did message a girl he was talking to while him and I got back together during my pregnancy. He asked her to text him and that they should meet up. Help ! Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 My ex and I have been together for 3 years before we broke up. I just had his first child 6 months ago. He broke up with me with the intentions of us fixing things separately and within our own lives. It's been 6 months and we still are not together. He started going back to strip clubs, bars, and befriending exes and girls he used to flirt with while with me on social media. He said he will not give those things up for me since I've done him wrong in the past which he has done to me as well. Am I wrong for not wanting him to do these things ? We are somewhat working things out but he makes it clear that he wants to do whatever he wants meanwhile. From what I see, he isn't dating any other girl. Once I did check his Instagram and he did message a girl he was talking to while him and I got back together during my pregnancy. He asked her to text him and that they should meet up. Help ! This is why you don't just have some guy's kid simply because he's been your boyfriend for 3 years. You usually end up being a single mom while the irresponsible sperm donor runs off to live the single life. If you're SMART, you'll get a child support order in place immediately, because he has NO desire to play daddy. You're in this on your own. Sorry. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Glitters Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 You are not controlling.He is being manipulative jerk.He is still chasing skirts.You made a mistake by having his child without being married.Now for your dignity and the innocent child's sake, get some financial support in place. Do not take him back.He will come back once you start the proceedings, to manipulate you to not go ahead with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Your logic is backward... The question isn't about what he is doing being wrong because you are "sorta working things out"...it's about why you are trying to work things out if he has made it clear that he isn't willing to change what he's doing. Are you being controlling?--No, because you can't control him if he won't let you. Although YOU may be trying to get back together, HE isn't, and unless and until he decides that is what he wants, there is nothing you can do to make him commit to what you want in a relationship. In fact, until you stop begging him (which is really what you're doing) and quit pretending that he's "trying" to get back together, nothing will change. Why would it? If he cared enough for you to be with you, he would be. You wouldn't have to plead with him. Instead, he's doing what he wants to do without any regard for you and knows that you are still at his beck and call when he wants you there. Stop torturing yourself, walk away and don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Redfisher Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Do yourself a huge favor and just kick this douch in the nuggets...And raise your kid not to be like that in anyway...good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Well, you're not being controlling because you can't tell him what to do. He can do whatever he wants; you're not together and as far as I can tell, he doesn't really want to work it out. If he did, he would never be jeopardising that chance. This relationship is very broken and I think you need to stay broken up. The bottom line is that he isn't your boyfriend and he's free to flirt with whomever he wants and go to strip clubs until he's blue in the face. And you are free to find that unacceptable and move on. You're wasting your time sitting around and hoping he'll knock it off when he's already made it clear he won't. It's not going where you want it to go. Speak to a lawyer about custody, visitation, parental rights, child support and so on. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 This is why you don't just have some guy's kid simply because he's been your boyfriend for 3 years. You usually end up being a single mom while the irresponsible sperm donor runs off to live the single life. If you're SMART, you'll get a child support order in place immediately, because he has NO desire to play daddy. You're in this on your own. Sorry. ^^^^^^^THIS If you have a child with a man who doesn't commit...then be prepared to be a single parent. I don't know why you want to get back with him. He's leaving you to all the hard work of parenting and he doesn't give a damn. No..you aren't controlling at all...you may be guilty of other things ....but not being controlling. File child support and keep it to visitation only...that's if he's even interested in his child. There's a better man out there ...who will be a positive roll model for your son..not an irresponsible father who is busy in strip clubs. Please get wise and let look after you and the baby.... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 To the extent that you think you get any input into your EX's behavior yes, you are being unreasonable & your expectations are skewed If he tries to take your child to a strip club or puts the baby in a car he intends to drive after having consumed alcohol, you have a say in your kid's safety. Beyond that he can talk to anybody he wants & spend as much time in strip clubs as he can afford. Your opinion doesn't count. Make sure you are getting child support & do what is in the baby's best interests but otherwise leave him be. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 He's pulling your leg hun. He has no intention of "fixing things". He just told you that to fool you. His behavior speaks volumes....he doesn't want any responsibility raising the child ever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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