Sammy90 Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 So in a nutshell. My name is Sammy, I am 25 and have been seeing this guy for 4 months now. We get along really well but all we have been arguing about lately is his choice of friends. He has three best friends, all girls, and all his ex girlfriends. Ex Girlfriend 1: They were together only a few months when they were 18. Ex Girlfriend 2: They were together a year, she is now bisexual. Ex Girlfriend 3: They were together 4 years. Each one he keeps in contact with on a regular basis, and sees about once a fortnight. I find it really hard to deal with, I am quite jealous and feel that he has some doors he hasn't closed. I found it really hard last week when he went to dinner with one of them one on one. He swears there is nothing going on with any of them, that they are just friends. But I feel very insecure and jealous about it. Ex Girlfriend 2 and my boyfriend have planned to go backpacking April next year for 5 months. I find this an unbearable thought. He asked me to come but it's not really my thing. I would hate to be waiting at home for 5 months worrying, and what if something did happen while they were away? It would be awful. I have never done long distance before. How am I supposed to be okay with all of this? I do love him but I'm struggling to find a solution to our problem. He doesn't want to give up his friends but I feel like it is getting in the way of our future. Any advice or help would be much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 So in a nutshell. My name is Sammy, I am 25 and have been seeing this guy for 4 months now. We get along really well but all we have been arguing about lately is his choice of friends. He has three best friends, all girls, and all his ex girlfriends. Ex Girlfriend 1: They were together only a few months when they were 18. Ex Girlfriend 2: They were together a year, she is now bisexual. Ex Girlfriend 3: They were together 4 years. Each one he keeps in contact with on a regular basis, and sees about once a fortnight. I find it really hard to deal with, I am quite jealous and feel that he has some doors he hasn't closed. I found it really hard last week when he went to dinner with one of them one on one. He swears there is nothing going on with any of them, that they are just friends. But I feel very insecure and jealous about it. Ex Girlfriend 2 and my boyfriend have planned to go backpacking April next year for 5 months. I find this an unbearable thought. He asked me to come but it's not really my thing. I would hate to be waiting at home for 5 months worrying, and what if something did happen while they were away? It would be awful. I have never done long distance before. How am I supposed to be okay with all of this? I do love him but I'm struggling to find a solution to our problem. He doesn't want to give up his friends but I feel like it is getting in the way of our future. Any advice or help would be much appreciated. Dafuq? No, I would not be okay with that. Being friendly or civil with an ex or even having a coffee on occasion is one thing. Planning a months-long vacation together is something else. It's nice that he invited you, but I still would be comfortable with that at all. I don't many people who would be. I think you are right to be concerned, as there seems to be a boundary issue here. The fact that he considers all his exes "best friends" tells me he isn't fully ready to let go of them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Find another boyfriend . i would not like this if I was you. How old is he? What do you reaLly like in him? Someone who plans to go with an ex for 5 months and you believe nothing is going on? Find another man who will be there for you. Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Agreed, with only 4 months into the relationship, and he's going with someone else for months??? I'd stay available and date... look for a new guy. He certainly doesn't care that much for you. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 You have inadvertently joined a harem with your bf at the centre. I am not saying he is still sleeping with them all, but I must say that after 5 months backpacking with someone he has already been intimate with, his ability to remain monogamous and true to you, will be seriously challenged. As this cosy set up all existed prior to you getting together I do not think you can wade in there and forbid him to see his exes, so I guess you either put up and shut up and join the group, OR you go find another bf. On the bright side, I guess after you split, he is unlikely to hold a grudge and he will accept you wholeheartedly into the ex club too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Don't try to change him, because he won't change. This is the deal with that guy. That's the spot he saves you. You are not the center of his life. Now, make your decisions based on that knowledge. I would break up amicably if i was in that situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 A bf going away for 5 months with an ex is not good. Maybe there is something else you did not tell us? Why did you accept anyway? why does he seem to have that choice? and you think it is a possibility to stay back when they will be gone. He invited you to go with them if you want because he probably assumed that you will not go. He does not care about love or true relationship. He does not like commitment. Soon you will be ex number 4. Please break that cycle and refuse to be on the list. Unless you would want to see what he was doing with the exs.... He is not worth to stay with. You do not have any important place in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Maybe he was never accepted by the other guys. No buddies. So he dates girls as his social life. If he can't get a guy to hang out with him, there is nothing you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Some people can manage to have former relationships that end without rancor, simply because they aren't a good romantic match and are able to deal with that in a mature fashion. You say you are the jealous type, so it would seem that you aren't as mature and compatible. I do agree that him going off on a long trip with one of them isn't a good idea, but you were asked and declined. That you're not into this sort of trip is another indication that you aren't compatible. So, it's probably best to end it since these kinds of challenges to your trust and happiness won't end, and trying to make him follow your wishes will probably lead to him ending things with you anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clockwork Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Red Flag, Red Flag, Red Flag..................sorry, I just want you to see this so that you can't say anyone has never told you. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 So in a nutshell. My name is Sammy, I am 25 and have been seeing this guy for 4 months now. We get along really well but all we have been arguing about lately is his choice of friends. He has three best friends, all girls, and all his ex girlfriends. Ex Girlfriend 1: They were together only a few months when they were 18. Ex Girlfriend 2: They were together a year, she is now bisexual. Ex Girlfriend 3: They were together 4 years. Each one he keeps in contact with on a regular basis, and sees about once a fortnight. I find it really hard to deal with, I am quite jealous and feel that he has some doors he hasn't closed. I found it really hard last week when he went to dinner with one of them one on one. He swears there is nothing going on with any of them, that they are just friends. But I feel very insecure andjealous about it. Ex Girlfriend 2 and my boyfriend have planned to go backpacking April next year for 5 months. I find this an unbearable thought. He asked me to come but it's not really my thing. I would hate to be waiting at home for 5 months worrying, and what if something did happen while they were away? It would be awful. I have never done long distance before. How am I supposed to be okay with all of this? I do love him but I'm struggling to find a solution to our problem. He doesn't want to give up his friends but I feel like it is getting in the way of our future. Any advice or help would be much appreciated. Don't be #4 . . . Leave the Arabian prince in the desert and don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 How do people get into these situations? There are certain questions that need to be asked depending on your preferences. Ask the questions then base your staying and going off of that. I'll never date a woman who claims her best friend is her ex or talks to a bunch of guys with hardly any GFs. Do you smoke or do drugs? I don't want to deal with that and don't have to. KNOW the person you are about to spend your emotions on. Be choosy. Those were a couple of examples. You catch them lying and now you know the person is a liar. Good enough reason to shove feelings and leave IMO Link to post Share on other sites
WonderKid Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 How did you let this happen? How does this happen? Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 So ex gf 2 is bisexual and he wants you to come with them. I smell a threesome request! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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