Clockwork Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Look, I am happily married. I have a lovely wife and an incredible sex life. My wife is pretty, she has an incredible body for someone who would be 18 let alone a woman who has had two children. She is who I lust after, to this day. She is my dream woman. My ex-girlfriend was also very pretty. Almost in a seductive type of way. I guess I can admit by now after all of these years her outward attractiveness drew me to her, because her personality and mental health did not. This isn't to downgrade her, but it was a disaster of a relationship. She was depressive, suicidal, not afraid to make a scene in public, saw no problem fighting about personal issues in public, embarrassed me in public, etc. Yet despite all of that, despite of the fact that my family and friends were distancing themselves from me because she was such a cancer, I still was drawn to her in a sexual way. I always wanted sex from her because she had a way of making me think I was fortunate to be with her. I know, I know, I was an idiot and couldn't see the forest through the trees. Eventually I let her go because I knew it was the right thing to do. She was bringing me down. But even when she acted crazy, it made me want sex from her even more. It was classic "crazy chicks are good in the sack" type of thing, and it was true. But the rest of the day, I couldn't stand her. So yeah, we broke up for good and I've never looked back. I got a girl I was dreaming about my whole life right now and would never trade her in for anything. But has anyone bumped into their ex, or seen a photo of them and just thought to themselves: "Damn, they still look really good." I did recently. Now, don't get me wrong, my ex was very pretty, she stood out in a crowd, but I know all too well what comes with that on the inside and it isn't pretty. For those reasons alone I know how messed up she is. To this day she never married or had children and she is getting to that time where her clock is ticking. I get that, she doesn't have the stability to hold a man, another reason why I am glad she's gone for good. But do you ever have a time when you still think your ex looks great if you see him/her - at least on the outside? And does it surprise you? Or are you able to say "Yeah, she looks great, but I know the drama that comes with that." Link to post Share on other sites
PapaG Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 But do you ever have a time when you still think your ex looks great if you see him/her - at least on the outside? And does it surprise you? Or are you able to say "Yeah, she looks great, but I know the drama that comes with that." I think everyone probably has an ex like that. It's okay to look but dont touch especially if your current relationship is great. Link to post Share on other sites
hakim Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 It's perfectly normal to reminisce about ex-partners, but it's best to leave them in the past. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 You want her and your mind is going overtime on ways that you could have her and maintain your marriage at the same time. Amazing sex, yet have the crazy her at an arm's length too - perfect. She has no-one else on the horizon, so she could be up for it. Car crash in slow motion here... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Vercetti Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 No when saw the for what really are they turned in to monsters physically. I did better mentally and physically every time...past has zero pull in my future. But haha I was the best looking most talented and intelligent they will have in thier lifetimes. Link to post Share on other sites
anduina Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Not really. Exs lose attractiveness to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clockwork Posted August 5, 2015 Author Share Posted August 5, 2015 You want her and your mind is going overtime on ways that you could have her and maintain your marriage at the same time. Amazing sex, yet have the crazy her at an arm's length too - perfect. She has no-one else on the horizon, so she could be up for it. Car crash in slow motion here... Actually that really wasn't what I was looking for here. My wife is much better in every way than my ex. I would never even flirt with the idea of that. I was just using an example of a time when someone sees an ex and they look as good as you remember them. Not that you ever forget - or at least I don't - WHY you left them in the first place. Because quite frankly that always overpowers any thought with me. And it makes a lot of sense to me that after a decade my ex never got hitched, had a kid. Link to post Share on other sites
Unlucky_I_Guess Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 You want her and your mind is going overtime on ways that you could have her and maintain your marriage at the same time. Amazing sex, yet have the crazy her at an arm's length too - perfect. She has no-one else on the horizon, so she could be up for it. Car crash in slow motion here... Wow. Actually, I didn't get that from what the OP wrote at all. He just said she was still beautiful to him but he had no urge to get with her at all. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Wow. Actually, I didn't get that from what the OP wrote at all. He just said she was still beautiful to him but he had no urge to get with her at all. No-one makes a thread about someone random, they are not interested in. Most need to talk to someone about the target of their desire. OP obviously cannot tell his wife, so he comes on here... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clockwork Posted August 7, 2015 Author Share Posted August 7, 2015 No-one makes a thread about someone random, they are not interested in. Most need to talk to someone about the target of their desire. OP obviously cannot tell his wife, so he comes on here... Hmmm..........yeah the original post really went over your head here. My ex was pretty on the outside and very ugly on the inside in so many ways. Basically I was saying that my ex is still rather pretty on the outside and wondered if anyone else thought that about theirs..........but keep in mind, as I mentioned upthread, it isn't forgotten how poor her personality was and how I am glad never to deal with her again. It really was just an innocent observation, nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 I've seen quite a number of my exes who looked good and I was happy for them that they are doing well. You might ask yourself why this is bothering you to the point of coming to a forum to say this. You have a beautiful wife so why are you surprised that your beautiful ex is still beautiful? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clockwork Posted August 7, 2015 Author Share Posted August 7, 2015 I've seen quite a number of my exes who looked good and I was happy for them that they are doing well. You might ask yourself why this is bothering you to the point of coming to a forum to say this. You have a beautiful wife so why are you surprised that your beautiful ex is still beautiful? No, it isn't bothering me, I think people are looking into this a little too much. It is just what I said in the OP, I had a disaster of a time with this woman, and almost had irreversible damage in my life because of her and for that alone I know how "ugly" and detrimental she can be. My ex is so similar to the current partners that people complain about on here, which is why I can relate. All it was, is that knowing all of that does it surprise you that you can still think they are "outwardly" attractive despite wanting no part of them? That was all it was. I saw a picture of her that day I wrote the OP and it surprised me a bit that after all I went through I could still think she was pretty. Just wanted to know who else had this happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Mailman Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I've had one of those girls. The kind that you want to have sex with all the time, would hate another man to do it instead of you, but can't STAND almost every other aspect of them including their personality. In fact, you don't even like them. There are plenty of Kim Kardashian types in this world where you don't want to be near them if you aren't horny. I've been there and it is hard to let go because all you have to do is be horny the next day and you'd want them back. The second you "climax" after sex though, you regret every minute of it and it becomes one of those things like when you say you are never drinking again after you are hungover. Believe me, I've seen that ex around a time or two and even if I get horny for a second I know all too well the drama that comes with that and am glad I am out. Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 So do guys still occasionally think of a hot woman who they had great sex with even if they are over it and perhaps even ended it? Link to post Share on other sites
cessna Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 I'm single but I refuse to look at photos of my ex on facebook. In fact, I deleted facebook partly because I didn't want to be reminded of her. She was and still is beautiful and we had a great relationship so it's just a case of not wanting to be hurt myself. I'd rather not know if she was dating someone else or if she's out partying every night so I just don't tease myself my looking, even though it can be very tempting sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 (edited) I am happy for them. Truly, I am. Most of my exes do look great. Except for one ex. When he added me as a FB friend after a decade of not seeing him I was shocked. I hate to sound shallow but my first thought was "OMG, I had sex with that guy?!" Time has not been kind to his face... but he makes bank, has been around the world, and he's something of a local celebrity doing something that he loves. I consider him more fortunate than any of the other good looking people I know. Edited August 13, 2015 by Ms. Faust 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clockwork Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 So do guys still occasionally think of a hot woman who they had great sex with even if they are over it and perhaps even ended it? Yes, it can happen. However, it is merely a superficial thing to think about and it means nothing. My wife and I have amazing sex and she's my #1 fantasy so even when I do get lustful thoughts about another woman, my wife just comes back into my head and all of the sudden I forget about anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 No, it isn't bothering me, I think people are looking into this a little too much. It is just what I said in the OP, I had a disaster of a time with this woman, and almost had irreversible damage in my life because of her and for that alone I know how "ugly" and detrimental she can be. My ex is so similar to the current partners that people complain about on here, which is why I can relate. All it was, is that knowing all of that does it surprise you that you can still think they are "outwardly" attractive despite wanting no part of them? That was all it was. I saw a picture of her that day I wrote the OP and it surprised me a bit that after all I went through I could still think she was pretty. Just wanted to know who else had this happen. Hey goodlooking people are just that unfortunately, goodlooking. I don't expect their physical self to change it's just that I know what their personality is like. Why did you think she would no longer be pretty? Also maybe she isn't married with kids because she doesn't want to be. Especially if she is goodlooking and good in bed. Alot of men would be willing to overlook alot of crazy for that combination. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweet Workaholic Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Really trips your trigger, emotionally. It's *not* that she's physically attractive, because if that were it, you'd have the same feeling towards any hot babe on the street. Something about her trips your trigger. Most likely some family-of-origin issue; she reminds you of something that you felt was missing in your childhood etc blah-id-blah. I'm being a little flip but we all have something missing, and most of us have people or situations that evoke that desire for something missing. It's very intense when you get it. You could go into therapy and spent $10,000 and 3 years to figure out exactly what it is. Or you could just not worry about it. As long as you recognize that the attraction is based on a fallacious emotional connection, and never act on it. Be **very** careful never to end up in a bar or at a wedding reception having a drink with her. Be aware she is kryptonite to you lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Yellowteacup Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 The allure of roses. Link to post Share on other sites
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