What would you do if you were in my shoe's?

[Lifesuxnow]

A few months ago I noticed that my wife had changed some what. She now worried about how she looked and bought new clothes every week, doing her nails almost every evening and even hitting the gym. I was aware of it and thought I'd ask one night if something was up?

 

It was a Friday night we were laying in bed and she said I'm not happy, so I asked if there was something she wanted to tell me? She said yes and continued to tell me that she kissed a guy that she works with at their staff party a week ago. (Let's call him Rex)

 

Note: she never came home that night sent me a message saying she was sleeping at another female work colleagues house.

 

She promised me that it was just a drunken kiss and meant nothing. I explained how much it hurt me and I will forgive her if that is the truth. She said she told me because she wants to work on us. So she was forgiven but she had still cheated on our marriage and I continued in the weeks to come to get over that.

 

My wife said a few weeks later that she really wants to travel again and as she is a school teacher this summer would be the perfect opportunity so I agreed, knowing it has and always was a dream of hers and that's why she became a teacher in the first place was for summer vacations.

 

So she booked a ticket to Bali because one of her friends was going there and she thought she will travel ahead and do some alone travelling and then meet up with her friend. (Let's call the friend Beth)

 

So a few weeks after she had booked the ticket she mentioned that Rex was going to Bali on a surf trip with some of his friends (I was shocked and a little upset that they have still been working together all these months and now she is going to be in the same place as him on her vacation? Out of all the places she could have chosen in the world?

 

The ticket is non-refundable but she promises me that she won't be seeing him there anyways. I trust her I mean we've been married five years travelled some of the world together and she is my best friend... But the painting is on the wall in many ways.

 

I drop her at the airport. The next day I open our laptop and her email is open and there is a message from him to her saying I'm at gate 2c. Then there is a cancellation of the hotel booking that she had booked for the first five nights.

 

Armed with this I switched on her phone and hidden under a friends name is this guy Rex, all the messages are really arranging to meet up and mostly him blowing her off but on some days they met up.

 

Now I know she has been lying to me for months. I skype her in Bali and start reading the messages and she is devastated. Come to find out her and Rex are sharing a twin bedroom but they each have their own beds (so she says) she says they never slept together or did anything else except kiss one other time when he was walking her to her car.

 

Now to add to this story a few facts:

*she started getting it all waxed about four weeks before Bali which she never really gets waxed.

*one of the nights she met up with him while "staying at Beth's house" there is a message from Beth asking her where she is

At about 9:56pm and then another message from Beth the next day asking if she made it home okay? Her defence was that she was throwing up all night so Beth was checking in with her.

 

My wife has since left the guy and is travelling with Beth but is now very remorseful for her actions and has asked for forgiveness. She is somewhat acting as if nothing has happened and passed a comment about she wished I had never looked at her phone, she would be in a very different spot right now.

 

She gets back in a few days and two days later I leave for the Navy to start the career that was meant to be a foundation for OUR future :-(

 

Just want to know what you would do if you were in my shoes and do you think it was just two simple kisses? Is it even about wether they had intercourse or not? Betrayal is betrayal right. Life as I know it will never be the same with her even if I tried everything to forgive and forget.

 

Thanks for your opinions it is very much appreciated.

[Space Ritual]

You've had it...

 

She can promise you the moon until she is blue in the face but frankly she is looking for an exit. Do yourself a favor and give her what she wants. No use in saving this relationship.

[CarrieT]

I would have her belongings packed and divorce papers ready for her upon her arrival.

[fireflywy]

I hate to say this, but I think its time to tell her goodbye. I think she screwed around on you more then just a kiss (which in itself is a betrayal enough to "next" her).

 

Its only a matter of time before her hen party gets involved and the whole "I can't believe you invaded my privacy!" B.S. starts.

 

(I think, from your post that there are hints of it coming via the whole wished you had never looked at her phone comment.)

 

Time to find a more honest and faithful woman.

[CarrieT]

Oh yeah. I would also IMMEDIATELY get checked for STDs.

 

She's been waxing for a month? She's been having sex with Rex for at least this long...

[Grumpybutfun]

Wow, she must really think you are dim to buy any of this drivel. She lied over and over even when you asked point blank about Rex so you can't trust a word she says. The last thing you want to take with you into the Navy is a cheater wife. It runs rampant in the military and any time you aren't around there will be plenty of Rex's for her to cheat with. Sorry man but your wife is beyond crying and forgiveness especially since she continues to lie. They have had sex... Don't kid yourself anymore. Time to stop being in denial. You can do better. Lawyer up and end it.

Good luck,

Grumps

[Qboro90]

Sorry to be blunt but your wife is 100% having sex with another man. I don't know how many times you are going to let her completely off the hook and forgive her but it's obvious she is having an affair. It's also mind boggling that after the first time she cheated on you, she gets forgiven and then gets a solo vacation in Bali where her lover Rex just so happens to be going as well? And then she changes hotels in order to stay with him!?! She defiantly planned the entire trip with the intention of being with him. YOUR wife planned and followed through on a honeymoon vacation with another man whom you know she's kissed before (by the way she slept with him that first time too. The "sleeping at a friends" excuse should've told you that). You're an adult, you should not be so naive to think that a man or woman would stay overnight together just to "kiss".

 

I don't know why you didn't demand that she be on the next flight home when you found out that she changed hotels to stay with another man. Have some self respect and give her divorce papers upon her return home. Sorry if this comes off as mean. I feel terrible for you I know it must be awful to realize. You're wife is a heartless cheater and has no respect for you which these actions prove.

 

Please leave this woman. Start your navy career and focus on that. I guarantee you that if you stay with her and leave for the navy she will be sleeping with other men the day after you depart. The only thing you're doing by forgiving her and believing her absolutely awful lies and excuses is showing her that you'll believe anything she comes up with and will put up with it and take her back eventually. She's proven that already when you forgave the first affair by booking a vacation with the same guy.

 

Please leave this woman ASAP

[Keke1]

This is beyond terrible. Good luck. Glad you looked through her stuff and found the damage. Don't let anyone shame you on that. Keep calm and get her out of your life. You definitely don't want to be thinking whether she's going to do this in the future. It'll drive you crazy.

[Lifesuxnow]

To each and everyone of you that replied and liked, thank you so much for your opinion and for taking the timeout of your day to read and help a complete stranger. I feel like I cannot even think straight at the moment and typing out my story and then reading it over really makes one realize just how naive I have being for believing her lies.

 

Love is blind and I have been in denial, thinking she would never do this to me. So once again Thank you for giving me your opinion to do what needs to be done

[irishguy]

You know yourself what she is telling you is all lies , she planned this secret holiday away with him ,so this affair has been going on longer than you know .You really have enough info to start the divorce before you leave for the navy.And remember shes a cheater and liar so you cant believe a word out of her mouth .You have her stuff ready to go before she comes back .

[aliveagain]

To each and everyone of you that replied and liked, thank you so much for your opinion and for taking the timeout of your day to read and help a complete stranger. I feel like I cannot even think straight at the moment and typing out my story and then reading it over really makes one realize just how naive I have being for believing her lies.

 

Love is blind and I have been in denial, thinking she would never do this to me. So once again Thank you for giving me your opinion to do what needs to be done

 

This is why their betrayal hurts so much, we love our spouse blindly and trust them blindly. The cheating is directed squarely at you so how could you not feel the pain when she twists the knife into your back? Sorry friend but what kind of guy shares a bedroom with a waxed woman specially when they worked out the travel plans months in advance? I'm at gate 2, cancels her hotel room and conveniently Rex has a second bed in his, when you push them together I think they call it a King size bed. Why didn't she share a room with her girlfriend, that makes way more sense? She has been having an affair for months and more than kissing is involved. Her friend is facilitating her affair, she needs to go too as she is no friend of the marriage.Talk to a lawyer before you leave for the navy because you can guess what she will be doing when your gone.

 

Having holidays with single girlfriends is like the kiss of death. Why did you not go with her? Actually I don't thing your wife would have given you that option, she and other man were testing out their new relationship.

[No Limit]

Quit buying her lies. She's not with Beth, she's with her guy. See an attorney ASAP and get out of the mess your wife is attempting to drag you in.

[CarrieT]

OP, please report back what you decide to do and how it goes...

[Clarence_Boddicker]

File for divorce. Move out & leave a copy of the divorce notice on the floor just inside the door. Go hard NC & block her on everything. Focus on your new Navy life. The Navy will help with the long distance divorce process.

[babycakees]

If she's getting waxed, she's having sex with him.

 

I'm sorry but do buy into her promises. She's lied to you and she has definitely gone further than "just two kisses".

 

File for divorce. And do not change your mind.

[nouedis]

I apologize for your loss in what was the best 5 years of your life, if not that, then more. I know what it's like to be betrayed by someone you never thought would do it - especially when they commit an act of deceit, affairs arise and you're oblivious to it all, because you're so in love with this woman.

It's time you pack her bags and show her the way out.

No need to hang out to this anymore. You've seen it all, what more proof do you need/want to get her out of your life?

Hire a lawyer and see to it that she gets what she wants...which is "Rex."

 

I hope all goes well for you in the long run, OP.

May the force be with you, friend.

[Satu]

If someone did that to me, they would be deleted from my life, and I wouldn't bother even thinking about them ever again.

 

Poof.

 

Gone.

 

Forgotten.

[I4givehim]

A few months ago I noticed that my wife had changed some what. She now worried about how she looked and bought new clothes every week, doing her nails almost every evening and even hitting the gym. I was aware of it and thought I'd ask one night if something was up?

 

It was a Friday night we were laying in bed and she said I'm not happy, so I asked if there was something she wanted to tell me? She said yes and continued to tell me that she kissed a guy that she works with at their staff party a week ago. (Let's call him Rex)

 

Note: she never came home that night sent me a message saying she was sleeping at another female work colleagues house.

 

She promised me that it was just a drunken kiss and meant nothing. I explained how much it hurt me and I will forgive her if that is the truth. She said she told me because she wants to work on us. So she was forgiven but she had still cheated on our marriage and I continued in the weeks to come to get over that.

 

My wife said a few weeks later that she really wants to travel again and as she is a school teacher this summer would be the perfect opportunity so I agreed, knowing it has and always was a dream of hers and that's why she became a teacher in the first place was for summer vacations.

 

So she booked a ticket to Bali because one of her friends was going there and she thought she will travel ahead and do some alone travelling and then meet up with her friend. (Let's call the friend Beth)

 

So a few weeks after she had booked the ticket she mentioned that Rex was going to Bali on a surf trip with some of his friends (I was shocked and a little upset that they have still been working together all these months and now she is going to be in the same place as him on her vacation? Out of all the places she could have chosen in the world?

 

The ticket is non-refundable but she promises me that she won't be seeing him there anyways. I trust her I mean we've been married five years travelled some of the world together and she is my best friend... But the painting is on the wall in many ways.

 

I drop her at the airport. The next day I open our laptop and her email is open and there is a message from him to her saying I'm at gate 2c. Then there is a cancellation of the hotel booking that she had booked for the first five nights.

 

Armed with this I switched on her phone and hidden under a friends name is this guy Rex, all the messages are really arranging to meet up and mostly him blowing her off but on some days they met up.

 

Now I know she has been lying to me for months. I skype her in Bali and start reading the messages and she is devastated. Come to find out her and Rex are sharing a twin bedroom but they each have their own beds (so she says) she says they never slept together or did anything else except kiss one other time when he was walking her to her car.

 

Now to add to this story a few facts:

*she started getting it all waxed about four weeks before Bali which she never really gets waxed.

*one of the nights she met up with him while "staying at Beth's house" there is a message from Beth asking her where she is

At about 9:56pm and then another message from Beth the next day asking if she made it home okay? Her defence was that she was throwing up all night so Beth was checking in with her.

 

My wife has since left the guy and is travelling with Beth but is now very remorseful for her actions and has asked for forgiveness. She is somewhat acting as if nothing has happened and passed a comment about she wished I had never looked at her phone, she would be in a very different spot right now.

 

She gets back in a few days and two days later I leave for the Navy to start the career that was meant to be a foundation for OUR future :-(

 

Just want to know what you would do if you were in my shoes and do you think it was just two simple kisses? Is it even about wether they had intercourse or not? Betrayal is betrayal right. Life as I know it will never be the same with her even if I tried everything to forgive and forget.

 

Thanks for your opinions it is very much appreciated.

RUN!!!! She is a CHEATER.....

[Amalyn]

She's repeatedly lied to you. No one gets waxed unless they want someone to see it. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that someone in her case is Rex.

 

File for divorce. Do not let her try to beg, plead, promise, etc. Her promises mean nothing. She broke her vows of marriage so why should anything she has to say now have any pertinence?

[66Charger]

Send her a text

 

"Stay in Bali with Rex, I am divorcing you"

 

Watch your phone blow up, move out for a bit, Leave for the Navy without ever seeing her again.

 

Read "my fiancee cheated on me while I was deployed" in the infidelity section, to see your life if you DONT choose these options

[smackie9]

She's devastated alright.....devastated because she got busted. Now she has to deal with the shame of explaining to all her friends, your friends in common and her family as to why you are getting divorced.

[kgcolonel]

Just curious how a wife whether guilty or not (looks really guilty here) can continue on with her vacation with her "friend" in Bali while her husband has just read to her the evidence of her cheating. Secondly, do you go on vacation and return two days before your husband leaves for the Navy??? Seems you would want to be with your husband during this time instead of prancing around Bali in a self indulgent state.

 

 

Time for a really short and concise conversation as to "hope this works out well for you".

[Lifesuxnow]

To each and everyone of you who took the time out to read my post and then give an opinion thank you. It is sad when an affair takes place because it hits you like a freight train. Its also always hard to make decisions when you are in such an emotional state and don't really know if you are coming or going. So thank you for helping me see the situation a little clearer.

 

To add to my original post and to answer a few questions, when my wife originally booked her ticket she asked if i'd be angry if she only had two days with me before I left for the Navy. I said no as I wanted her to make that decision whether she wanted to spend time with me on her own. I did say that if I were in her shoes I would be booking a more local trip for the both of us. Which.... well she ignored. I believe that if someone truly wants to do something they will find a way.

 

Also she wanted to come back after I told her I knew about everything. I said it is better she stay away as I need the time without her to think about what I want to do now.

 

She had a plan but I don't think that Rex was aware of her plan and it all crumbled so maybe she left two days before I departed for the Navy to ask me for a divorce? I know that they have been having an affair for roughly six months as I had originally thought three but one of her e-mails says "I'm sorry I have had clouded judgement over the last six months".

 

Really the bottom line is that I have matched up all their text messages and her messages to me and the lies are blatant. I feel that if she can have an affair while I am here, then how can I even begin to trust her if I am deployed?

 

Its really sad but every time she text him, spoke to him and all the other stuff she effectively chose him over me and our marriage. Love is always choosing the person you love. It is not a feeling but an action, to always choose your family and stick by them no matter what. She does not deserve me and I now know that so I am off to the Navy to start a new chapter in my life.

 

Thanking you all for your support.