caretoimagine Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 The woman I am falling for is engaged with two children.She is my work colleague. I am leaving the country permanently in August but get I have fallen for this woman head over heels. We get on and laugh quite a lot. She flashes me a lot of smiles and we do talk often and I sense a vibe there. Do I tell her how I feel or do I just leave it. I do really like her and I don't want to make it too obvious if she doesn't reciprocate the same feelings. So what do I do? Leave it and hope my travelling makes me forget about her? Or run the risk of loooking like an idiot and telling her? Advice seriously needed. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 DUDE!!! SHE ENGAGED WITH TWO KIDS!!! She is spoken for! She promised another man to be his WIFE! Leave it alone! Here's the deal, you got the feels for her, so you are probably blowing every little friendly gesture out of proportion. Thinking it's something more that what it is because, subconsciously, you want it to be! Leave it alone dude. She's promised to someone else. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 She is not yours to love. She is engaged to someone else. Continue this at your own peril 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Other people's partners are other people's partners. If you want one, find one of your own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author caretoimagine Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 So probably not a good idea to tell her then? Its not as if anything could come from it because I'm leaving next month. Its just me being fundamentally fantasising about something that can not take place. Its true I probably am misinterpreting the signs of friendliness as something more. I just really like her and I am gutted shes already taken. My leaving date can't come soon enough so I can forget her and I mean that in the nicest possible sense as she is a really nice and genuine person who I enjoy spending time with. I'll leave it as I don't want her to be uncomfortable around me or think of me as some sort of immature fool. Thanks for the advice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 eeeeeeeeeeeep Link to post Share on other sites
Author caretoimagine Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 What does eeeeeeep mean?? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 what do you think it means....? It means "This is so wrong, on so many levels...." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 So probably not a good idea to tell her then? Its not as if anything could come from it because I'm leaving next month. Its just me being fundamentally fantasising about something that can not take place. Its true I probably am misinterpreting the signs of friendliness as something more. I just really like her and I am gutted shes already taken. My leaving date can't come soon enough so I can forget her and I mean that in the nicest possible sense as she is a really nice and genuine person who I enjoy spending time with. I'll leave it as I don't want her to be uncomfortable around me or think of me as some sort of immature fool. Thanks for the advice. Good heavens, no! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author caretoimagine Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Thanks for the advice people. What was I thinking. It actually reads that I am quite selfish when that is not the case. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 You're leaving the country so it's a no go anyway! & she's engaged....sounds like the 2 of you have some "if only things were different" vibes going on between you. Cherish the positive happy memories you have of how you felt for her & look forward to your new beginning and the possibility of finding the perfect woman for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 here's what you do: go to her house and smack that A$$ and let him catch her in the buff steaming their home up with those sex smells and then come by everrrrrrrry day acting like you own the female... you CAN WIN!!! KEEP A POSITIVE ... just go get it. never mind the man and his kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Thanks for the advice people. What was I thinking. It actually reads that I am quite selfish when that is not the case. I Don't think you sound selfish. Lost? In between? Use the the Good vibes you felt from this colleague to build on your confidence in your next home country. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 It has no future anyway. Why bother? Link to post Share on other sites
Author caretoimagine Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 So should I actively stop having a laugh with her as I don't want to show her that I am interested in her? Whilst obviously being respectful of her and being polite but keeping a distance from her. As ideally I want to forget her as I do like her. As there is no future in it its something I should do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author caretoimagine Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 Bump. Anyone got any suggestions to the above question? Link to post Share on other sites
Author caretoimagine Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 Justba follow up. She started texting me last night. She took the effort to locate me and initiated the conversation. Just a few texts bback and forth. She ended it with see you soon x. Is this indicative of her developing feelings for me or was it just a harmless exchange between friends on her part? I have not responded to that as I obviously don't want to come across as if Ive got feelings for her. Just dome advice needed on her motivations and what I need to do to not come across to her as to liking her if she doesn't feel the same way. I obviously know there is no future in it as it is both morally and practically wrong. Do I respond to her?, Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Justba follow up. She started texting me last night. She took the effort to locate me and initiated the conversation. Just a few texts bback and forth. She ended it with see you soon x. Is this indicative of her developing feelings for me or was it just a harmless exchange between friends on her part? I have not responded to that as I obviously don't want to come across as if Ive got feelings for her. Just dome advice needed on her motivations and what I need to do to not come across to her as to liking her if she doesn't feel the same way. I obviously know there is no future in it as it is both morally and practically wrong. Do I respond to her?, She probably likes the friendship. The conversations, the joking around and the banter between the two of you. But, that's it! Just remember two things here. 1. SHE'S ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED SOON!!!! and 2. YOU'RE LEAVING THE COUNTRY!!!!! What do you hope to gain from this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author caretoimagine Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 You are correct my friend! Just never been invested in somebody who was unavailable before so its thrown me a little bit. Obviously I'm in contact with her a lot at work so its not as if I can just forget her as we work 8, hour shifts together Monday to Friday. I'll just sucj it up before I leave in a month. I was just looking for advice on how to be around her as I don't want her to know how much i like her as its embarrasing!!! This whole situation is new as every time I've invested in someone they have been unattached. In an ideal world I would have met her 4 years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Just remember everytime you see her, remind yourself "we're just friends". Then remember, "I'm not going to mess up her future. I'm not going to come between her and some guy that ever did anything to me. I'm not going to screw with her kids that have love and feelings for this guy that is going to be their stepfather." I mean, seriously. Do you want to be that guy? The guy that screws it all up for her and then leaves? I think your efforts might need to be more focused on your upcoming move. And who knows! Maybe the girl that you're truly meant to be with is at your new location and she's waiting for you to find her. Look at it that way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 You are correct my friend! Just never been invested in somebody who was unavailable before so its thrown me a little bit. Obviously I'm in contact with her a lot at work so its not as if I can just forget her as we work 8, hour shifts together Monday to Friday. I'll just sucj it up before I leave in a month. I was just looking for advice on how to be around her as I don't want her to know how much i like her as its embarrasing!!! This whole situation is new as every time I've invested in someone they have been unattached. In an ideal world I would have met her 4 years ago. Again, she is not yours to love. Why are you even entertaining this idea still? You know what is gonna happen? At best, you will continue to play this game, get your feelings crushed over a chick that is engaged and look even more foolish than you do now. At worst... her fiance finds you and beats you within an inch of your life when he finds the text messages on her phone, which eventually he will. You have had 2 weeks now to close the door, yet you left it open. She already knows how you feel. She would not reconnect with you by text and trot that stuff out there unless she needed you to fill some emotional component she feels is missing from her fiance. She is calling the tune of needing to feel validation by someone other than her fiance and you are nothing but a dancing bear. Just think if you actually got with her how long would it take before she tired of you and started texting some other schlub at work. Remember, there will always be some guy that comes along that is better looking, and has more game than you do. It is the sad fact of life but it is a fact. You are playing with fire, young man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caretoimagine Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 I respect what you said Space Ritual as you make some valid points. I disagree with leaving the door open though as I can hardly start ignoring her can I? That wouldn't be very productive. All ive done is act around her as I would anybody. I'm not encouraging her as I don't initiate interaction. I just act normally around her, as I would any work colleague or friend. Again, I thank you for your input. So your advice would be to ignore her before I leave? Therefore not play with fire so to speak? I have resigned myself to not having anything to do with her anyway from a moralistic standpoint. I just wanted some advice about her intentions over iniating texting and how i can stop myself looking any more foolish. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 You are leaving the country, right? Please do yourself a favor and do not return any texts from her. She is throwing out a validation crumb to you. Again, take any advice anyone gives you here, myself included, with a truck full of salt. We are not you, so only you can decide. But I am of the opinion that she is simply using you for an emotional crutch at this point as you work with her so you would be a convenient vehicle and once you are gone she will move on to the next guy. I understand fully how you may like the feelings she generates in you. Its always nice to have someone flirt with us and make us feel somewhat special, if only for a moment. Just remember that by responding to any of her texts you are slave to ego kibbles she is throwing at you in hopes you will return them. Keep any interaction to a work related situation. If she knows you are leaving then she can turn up the heat without feeling much guilt about it for just that reason. Use those feelings to turn your attentions to someone who is unattached. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caretoimagine Posted August 17, 2015 Author Share Posted August 17, 2015 I go in a week. Just an update. I told her that I liked her and wondered if she felt the same way. I thought I had nothing to lose. Obviously I was knocked back haha. Great guy but just a friend etc. I know I shouldn't have done it. It was wrong of me and I'm.an idiot but since I'm leaving I would have regretted it even more. I'm glad im going so I can put it all behind me. She is still texting me first. Well she always has to be honest but I want to get over her but in the same respect not look needy or as if I am angry with her as I do also value her friendship. Do women do this out of guilt after knocking someone back?? If I had a fiancée I wouldn't keep on texting thebwoman I knocked back. Anyway some advice is now needed to get over her haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caretoimagine Posted August 17, 2015 Author Share Posted August 17, 2015 Why do I like this woman so much? She's not even mine to like. Its like mental torture. Link to post Share on other sites
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