nadalfera Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I have been in a relationship for past 5 years and last year we got engaged as well and our marriage has been fixed for Nov 2015. Everything was fine till past 2 months when she started reacting in a very indifferent manner. She was always irritated and pissed off at whatever I did. Today I got a call from her ex boyfriend that she is still dating him and has also slept with him many times in past 2 months. Things got messy and my gf accepted the same after lot of crying.. His ex also showed me their pics which they have clicked in past 2 months.. I am shocked I never thought she'd do something of this magnitude. Her cheating took me by surprise and I am hurt badly. She has been texting me that she hates herself as she has spoiled everything and is begging for forgiveness that I should accept her again. I don't know what to do or how to handle this situation. Need some honest advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Eject, eject, eject. Wash your hands of her. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 This doesn't bode well for the future ....extended and consistent cheating means it's a mindset, not a isolated error of judgment, and mindsets don't tend to change once we hit adulthood. I'd reassess asap. Be glad you're just engaged. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 She has been texting me that she hates herself as she has spoiled everything and is begging for forgiveness that I should accept her again. She does not hate herself. She hates that she got caught and it spoiled her fun and her engagement. If you marry this girl you better keep this site handy. You will be using it a lot. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 If it was a one night moment of weakness over a year ago, maybe.....but she felt no shame continuing the affair for two months and then to have someone else tell you....I'm sure this would have continued after the wedding. You never thought she was capable of something this magnitude?? Obviously you don't know her that well even after 5 years. She's trying to save face in front of all your friends, both families and invited guests that she is a cheating slut whore. That is the only thing she is worried about....the disgust that everyone is going to feel about her. She doesn't know the magnitude of hurt this is going to cause everyone. Don't marry her, she's not sorry for doing it.....she is afraid of the repercussions from her actions. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Don't fall for her crap - run. You're one of those few lucky guys who found out about the monster they were about to marry BEFORE the marriage took place. Thank any divine you want for this gift and dump her posthaste. And if you've bought rings already, get your cash back for them. And expose expose expose - cancel the wedding, and don't hesitate to answer why when people ask. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Dutchman1 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Nadalfera, Please just run, don't look back, tell the family's and the wedding guests what has happend. If you fall for her crapp, you will be here in december, safe bett. If you forgive her, than first see 2 doctors: 1. a doctor, who can do surgery on you and give you long ears, and 2. a doctor like a speech therapist who can learn you to say IIAAA. Please believe everyone here, they know and some of us still grieve. Your new life starts tomorrow after you told everyone. You can not save this, I know 5 years is a long time, but ending up broken after your wedding is 100 times worse. { quote from my hero :Mr John Wayne: Am I going for this woman?;; THE HELL I AM } I know your pain, but for your sanity, break it up, be strong, we will be right here. Dutchman 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I have been in a relationship for past 5 years and last year we got engaged as well and our marriage has been fixed for Nov 2015. Everything was fine till past 2 months when she started reacting in a very indifferent manner. She was always irritated and pissed off at whatever I did. Today I got a call from her ex boyfriend that she is still dating him and has also slept with him many times in past 2 months. Things got messy and my gf accepted the same after lot of crying.. His ex also showed me their pics which they have clicked in past 2 months.. I am shocked I never thought she'd do something of this magnitude. Her cheating took me by surprise and I am hurt badly. She has been texting me that she hates herself as she has spoiled everything and is begging for forgiveness that I should accept her again. I don't know what to do or how to handle this situation. Need some honest advice. Together for so long and no issue, yet now that the wedding is coming up, she cheats ??? I think she wants this relationship over deep down and is hoping that you will pull the trigger, instead of her having to. Give her what she wants [and stop taking seriously what she says, look at what she does]. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Call off the wedding & tell the vendors immediately. The longer they have to book a new party the more money you may get back but you are not going to be refunded 100%. Even if there is the slightest chance to reconcile (& I'm not saying there is) this won't be fixed, if that is even possible, by November. The only silver lining better now then after the vows, when you need divorce lawyers to split apart. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Together for so long and no issue, yet now that the wedding is coming up, she cheats ??? I think she wants this relationship over deep down and is hoping that you will pull the trigger, instead of her having to. Give her what she wants [and stop taking seriously what she says, look at what she does]. Its hard to say when someone cheats in the lead up to the wedding that they want to get caught. I personally don't think they do. I think its a case of feeling like they are missing out on their freedom and maybe a little depressed that the person they are marrying is the last person they will ever have sex with and they will never get to experience the excitement of a new person or illicit sex ever gain, so they go for it just before they are married. Maybe they think its not so bad if they cheat before they say their wedding vows. IDK. For me it would be a sure fire indicator they are going to cheat during the marriage.If the excitement of getting married to you is not enough to deter them, then rough or tedious patches during the marriage will have them looking to spice things up on the side. Cheating during the engagement is really crappy and there would be no forgiveness there for me. Its great the OM did him a favor and let him in on the truth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 The engagement is the final test before marriage. She could not have failed it worse. Be happy you found out now. Don't destroy your life trying to reconcile with a woman like her. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nadalfera Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Thanks all for your support & advice. I am just in a state of disbelief that this has happened to me and that too just 5 months before the marriage. This thing has ruined all my life & happiness. I will be ending this marriage for sure. Also I am not able to gather enough strength to tell my family about the same. I am so ashamed of what she did. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 (edited) Thanks all for your support & advice. I am just in a state of disbelief that this has happened to me and that too just 5 months before the marriage. This thing has ruined all my life & happiness. I will be ending this marriage for sure. Also I am not able to gather enough strength to tell my family about the same. I am so ashamed of what she did. Yes, you're very hurt. It's so hard. I feel very sorry for you. Hurry up and tell your family - It's only one moment of embarrassment but you'll be surprised how much support you'll get from everyone. I strongly advice you: If you want to feel better, be active! don't sit and wait. When you start being active and taking care of yourself by calling off the wedding - notifying people, asking for the ring back, cancelling all the services that were ordered, ect... You will start to heal quicker. You are going to be under a massive attack by her, and her family, pressing you to agree to reconcile. But you will also get a lot of support from your family and friends. No one will support her. She will be the loser here. Trust me - When she is the loser you will feel that justice has happened. She will be the one who will be ashamed of her choices. This feeling of justice - is a great tool to heal. Start today! Edited July 4, 2015 by lolablue17 3 Link to post Share on other sites
The Poster Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Forgive her for your own good. Holding resentment and bitterness only hurts you in the end. Then walk away and don't look back. She betrayed you and you deserve better. She may feel remorseful, but we all have to deal with the consequences of our actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 She is an ass...NC. G 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Thanks all for your support & advice. I am just in a state of disbelief that this has happened to me and that too just 5 months before the marriage. This thing has ruined all my life & happiness. I will be ending this marriage for sure. Also I am not able to gather enough strength to tell my family about the same. I am so ashamed of what she did. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are the wronged party here. She should be ashamed. All you can do is gather the pieces & work on healing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 You need to tell your family immediately. The shame is hers, not yours. She behaved like a slut and you are so lucky you found this out before you married her. Every time you get depressed right now, just think that in 5 months she would have walked down that aisle, probably after banging her boyfriend within 48 hours of the wedding, and lied her ass off to you. And then after the honeymoom, she weould have resumed having sex with him behind your back. If that idea of marriage sounds appealing to you, then listen to her bull ****. If not, find yourself a girl worthy of you. This was nol mistake as she will try to tell you. She did this over and over again and had no intention of telling you anything. And tell everyone you know the truth so that she does not get away with making up some crap story and blaming you for the break up. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I agree with Frisky One... Thank God you found out now instead of AFTER you were married. Her Ex Boyfriend did you a huge favor, whether you realize it now or not. I have actually been in a similar position in the past as you, OP. I suggest you simply cut off all contact, cancel the wedding now and do not listen to any of her excuses. Cheating is a choice, not a chance happening. Remember, had the ex Boyfriend never let you know, your fiance would have been content to have entered a marriage with you based on a lie. Imagine what would have happened if you had a mortgage, a couple of kids,a beer gut and a bald head and then discovered this treachery..... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I am so ashamed of what she did. The shame isn't on you, it's on her. Don't worry about it, focus on healing yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Today I got a call from her ex boyfriend that she is still dating him and has also slept with him many times in past 2 months. Dating and having sex with him for the past 2 months means that the other man ("OM") is no longer an "ex" boyfriend, as you can now call the OM her boyfriend. Everything was fine till past 2 months when she started reacting in a very indifferent manner. She was always irritated and pissed off at whatever I did. When the OM became her boyfriend, she started thinking of you and treating you like an ex boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 This thing has ruined all my life & happiness. I will be ending this marriage for sure. Also I am not able to gather enough strength to tell my family about the same. I am so ashamed of what she did. You have nothing to be ashamed of as you did nothing wrong. She is the cheater not you. She is the one that should be ashamed not you. Look, if it was you she could have broken up with you prior to dating and having sex with the other man ("OM"). But that is not what she wanted. She is a cheater and a cake eater that wanted both the advantages of having you and the advantages of the OM. The math is simple. No matter how much better you are than the OM, to a cheater you alone will always be less than the you + OM. Again, she is not picking the OM over you. She is picking you + OM over you alone as she wants both. You telling them and being decisive about breaking it off will show them strength that they will respect. You hiding it now, only for them to learn of it later (and they will) will make you look weak, and make them think that she picked the OM over you, instead of the truth that she is a cheater that wanted both. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Everyone who loves you will understand. They will likely be angry at her and very happy that she received the justice a cheating slut deserves. The will give you support - don't be afraid to tell them. Link to post Share on other sites
irishguy Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Go to your family for support , you did nothing wrong and you need them at times like this .You could get some of them to cancel anything that was booked for the wedding ,it would be easier on you . Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 You dogged a bullet friend. This was no drunken one night stand, this is a full blown affair with lots of unprotected porn star sex. Get tested for STD's. Let your family know, you can use the support and make sure they don't incur any costs if they are helping to pay for your wedding. She's the one that is shamed, your the trusting betrayed spouse. Get her out of your life as quickly as you can, cut all ties with her. Please do not have sex with her, you wouldn't be the first one on this site to be told that their girlfriend is pregnant just as their splitting up. She is poor marriage material, your parents will agree when you tell them the truth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Listen to what you are being told. She is going to try everything to manipulate you with pleading, begging, pressure from friends , and sex if she gets near you. Get this wedding cancelled as quickly as possible so that it is officially over . I cannot believe your parents would want you marrying her if you tell them he truth. Do not sugar coat it. Tell them everything you know And don't be surprised if you get a call from her parents who she I am sure will minimize the thing to. You should totally ignore them . Link to post Share on other sites
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