Not knowing if my boyfriend cheated is driving me crazy

[spritegirl]

Hi,

 

I've been obsessing about this for the past few weeks, since it happened, and I don't know what to do. Any advice appreciated.

 

I've been with my boyfriend for the past almost three years. We live together, recently bought an apartment together and plan to get married next year. He's almost 31, I'm 27. Usually I do trust him and he has never given me reason to doubt him. Almost three months ago, something happened that I cannot get out of my head. Three months ago, he went to a Bachelor party of a friend, I didn't think much about it since I know his friends and they're all really nice and decent. When he came back from the party, he went to bed and the next morning he told me everything. That's what I thought.

 

Almost two weeks passed. My boyfriend and I have the exact same phone and the exact same cover for it (he gets special offers from his company) so when I was sitting at the dinner table one day and his phone vibrated, I first thought it was mine, so I took it and looked. I didn't even open the Whatsapp, just by touching the screen I could see that he had several messages from a girl I have never heard of. I could see that she wrote him stuff like 'It was lovely seeing you yesterday' and 'Now I'm back in XX (her city) and I already miss your country'. Except of the seeing him part it wasn't suspicious, but obviously I saw red flags everywhere, since apparently he met a girl the day before and he hadn't told me about it at all. First I kept it to me and waited two days, then I couldn't continue like that. I took his phone, checked his Whatsapp. He isn't very protective with his phone and I know his code (and he knows mine). He had shared several Whatsapp messages with that girl. The conversation started very random, it was clear that he had deleted conversations he had with her before. Red flag on the one hand, on the other hand I know that he also does that with a few friends. But still. She said 'It was lovely seeing you yesterday', he said 'Yes it was really nice'. Then they talked about some random stuff, not very flirty or suspicious, but still. She mentioned his friends and the Bachelor party during the conversation, so then I knew that he met her at that Bachelor party in some bar they went. She was a foreigner, a backpacker, from a different continent and just for a few weeks in our country to travel around. During the conversation my boyfriend also sent her a random picture of an apple tree and said 'Look, this reminded me of you haha'. Then I saw that he also sent her a picture of him and her, arm behind each others back (doesn't neccessarily looked couply, just like two normal people in a picture), in the lobby of a hotel.

 

Let me explain the hotel thing before you come to quick conclusions- My boyfriend has to travel to another city (one hour from here) for work like twice a month, usually arrives late at night, stays in always the same hotel next to the airport, works til late noon the next day, has lunch, and flies back in the afternoon. I know he didn't schedule to go there to see her, because he sends me the official schedule of his company every month and I even have his intranet login (he didn't give it to me because of trust issues, but because sometimes when he's busy he calls me and tells me if I can look up something for him in the intranet). I kinda freaked out about it, but I still kept it to myself for another day. The next day I checked his phone again and the whole conversation was deleted, and also the picture of him and her.

 

 

So, then I went to a friend's house, the friend that introduced me and my boyfriend back in 2012. He's a really good friend of mine, probably a better friend than he is to my boyfriend, even though they have been knowing each other since high school. I just went to his house and told him what I saw, and asked if he knows anything. He said she was just a random girl they met in a bar, she was with a friend and everyone talked to her and her friend for a while, before they went to another bar without them. He said my boyfriend wasn't flirty or anything, just normal talking. He said this girl also gave him (my friend) her number and he has also been in contact with her. He said she was just super friendly and keen to meet people. I asked him about that particular day when she apparently met my boyfriend in his hotel. He said that the same day he also texted with her, and that she also asked him to meet but that he didn't have time. That he remembers that he told him she would land at 2.30pm, after coming from a trip from the other side of the country. I know that my boyfriend had to catch his flight at around 5.30pm. Means that he only had maximum 1.5 hours with her (I calculated that she could have arrived at his hotel at 3pm, and he had to be at the airport at 4.30). I was thinking- Is that enough to hook up? Or am I exaggerating and overly obsessing about it? My friend even offered me to show me the Whatsapp conversation with her, but I declined (maybe I should have said yes, but I do trust my friend). My friend said he still whatsapps with her sometimes. I told him not to tell my boyfriend since I wanna confront him later today. He said he wouldn't.

 

Well, I directly went home and confronted my boyfriend. He looked pretty surprised that I knew, so I highly doubt that my friend warned him in advance. He didn't get angry, he stayed calm. He directly explained to me who she is, and said exactly the same as my friend. He said that she was just a very friendly backpacker and everyone exchanged numbers with her because she sent pictures of the evening to everyone. I asked why he kept talking to her so much, he said that it's just smalltalk and totally innocent. I asked him about the day in the hotel. He said she told him she would arrive at the airport, after coming back from a trip to the other side of the country (he even told me the same exact places my friend told me before), and asked if he wants to meet for lunch. He said yes, but since he had to leave just a bit later he told her to come to his hotel, which is close to the airport. He said they had lunch in the restaurant there (he even said what exactly they ate) and then she waited for him in the lobby while he went to change (he said they ate in casual clothes and then he went to his room to put on his work suit) and pick up his stuff from the hotel room. And then, when he was about to leave, they took the picture together. Then he went to the airport, and she took a bus to the city center (that city was the last city of her trip, two days later she would take back the flight to her own country).

 

Everything sounded logical, but I still have my doubts. If it's so innocent, why wouldn't he tell me about her? Why wouldn't he even mention that he had lunch with some girl he mad at a Bachelor party? Why would he delete conversations and the photo he took of them? And in general, why would you keep talking to some random girl you just met, if it's not for hooking up? He said because she was nice and she's a friend, I said she cannot be a friend, he doesn't even know her. I doubt that he met her before that, because she seemed to be traveling in other places all the time. And now she's in a different continent anyway. I also have my problems imagining that he actually really told her to wait in the lobby while he goes up to the room to change. I have those crazy thoughts in my head, what if she went with him?

 

Okay, the last point I should mention- Probably the reason why I have issues trusting him with this is the way we met. Three years ago, when my friend introduced us, we were super drunk in a bar. He kissed me the same night, and the next night we hooked up. We started dating, and the rest is history. About a month after we started dating, my friend (the one mentioned before) asked me if I know that he broke up with his girlfriend for me. I was pretty shocked, since I didn't even know he had a girlfriend (no live in girlfriend, I'm the first girl he has ever lived with, but still, girlfriend is girlfriend). I then asked my boyfriend about it and he admitted it. He said he had a girlfriend when we met, ha had ben with her for 1.5 years at that time. He said he didn't tell me because he was so completely crazy about me that he was scared I wouldn't want to be with him. He said he broke up with her just a few days after meeting me. I checked with my friend and he confirmed, he said he didn't have both of us at the same time, he broke up with her just a few days after meeting me. But still.. I still think it's a big deal that he actually cheated on her with me. And that she still doesn't know. Since the story with that girl from the Bachelor party, my mind goes crazy. If he has cheated before (on his ex), maybe he will cheat again (on me)? I remember that once, when we just started dating, I also met him for lunch close to the hotel of the city he had to stay for work (I lived in that city before). When he had to get ready for work, he asked me if I want to come to his room, which I did. I saw him getting naked, we had sex, and then he showered, put on his suit and went to work. I'm so worried that he did the same with that random girl.

 

Well, since that happened, everything has been quite fine between us. He's a good boyfriend, sweet, caring, and he tells me all the time he loves me. But I still cannot get over the whole story, I just can't. It still drives me crazy, not knowing if something actually happened between them. I know he swears nothing happened, but I also know that people lie. I have that girls number, I took it from his phone when I checked his Whatsapp back then. Sometimes, when I go to sleep, I think about texting her, asking her if something happened between her and my boyfriend. Maybe she would tell me the truth, girl to girl. Or she would lie. Or she tells me boyfriend that I asked her. I don't know what to do. It drives me crazy.

 

 

What would you do in my situation? Thanks so much.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

"Everything sounded logical, but I still have my doubts. If it's so innocent, why wouldn't he tell me about her? Why wouldn't he even mention that he had lunch with some girl he mad at a Bachelor party? Why would he delete conversations and the photo he took of them? And in general, why would you keep talking to some random girl you just met, if it's not for hooking up? He said because she was nice and she's a friend, I said she cannot be a friend, he doesn't even know her. I doubt that he met her before that, because she seemed to be traveling in other places all the time. And now she's in a different continent anyway. I also have my problems imagining that he actually really told her to wait in the lobby while he goes up to the room to change. I have those crazy thoughts in my head, what if she went with him?...Well, since that happened, everything has been quite fine between us. He's a good boyfriend, sweet, caring, and he tells me all the time he loves me. But I still cannot get over the whole story, I just can't. It still drives me crazy, not knowing if something actually happened between them. I know he swears nothing happened, but I also know that people lie. I have that girls number, I took it from his phone when I checked his Whatsapp back then. Sometimes, when I go to sleep, I think about texting her, asking her if something happened between her and my boyfriend. Maybe she would tell me the truth, girl to girl. Or she would lie. Or she tells me boyfriend that I asked her. I don't know what to do. It drives me crazy.

 

What would you do in my situation? Thanks so much."

 

 

Honestly, I don't see any big issues except the deception & omission from your bf about her. If I was in either one of your shoes, I'd expect & want full disclosure. He should have told you about her ASAP & not deleted their convo & pic history. The only reason I could see him not doing that is if you're a jealousy monster, which you don't really sound like one. Not all guys want to have sex with interesting people they meet who happen to be the opposite sex. Some guys will stay 100% faithful to horrible partners, even if they have better options. If I was your bf, I wouldn't have let her go up to my room. I would have offered her a drink at the bar while I was in my room getting ready. If I was in a committed relationship, I would not feel comfortable having some girl alone in my room.

 

 

If you knew for almost 100% certainty that he didn't cheat, would you feel better & let it go, or is the situation (even 100% platonic) with the girl the real problem? I don't mean your bf's deception (deleted texts) & omission (meeting the girl & hanging out with her), which is a relationship boundary issue.

[spritegirl]

Honestly, I don't see any big issues except the deception & omission from your bf about her. If I was in either one of your shoes, I'd expect & want full disclosure. He should have told you about her ASAP & not deleted their convo & pic history. The only reason I could see him not doing that is if you're a jealousy monster, which you don't really sound like one. Not all guys want to have sex with interesting people they meet who happen to be the opposite sex. Some guys will stay 100% faithful to horrible partners, even if they have better options. If I was your bf, I wouldn't have let her go up to my room. I would have offered her a drink at the bar while I was in my room getting ready. If I was in a committed relationship, I would not feel comfortable having some girl alone in my room.

 

 

If you knew for almost 100% certainty that he didn't cheat, would you feel better & let it go, or is the situation (even 100% platonic) with the girl the real problem? I don't mean your bf's deception (deleted texts) & omission (meeting the girl & hanging out with her), which is a relationship boundary issue.

 

 

 

Generally I have absolutely no problem with my boyfriend having female friends and him hanging out with them, as long as I know them or as long as he has told me at least about them. Hell, I have a lot of male friends too, I sometimes have lunch with a male friend, just the two of us. The difference is, they have been my friends for a longer time, my boyfriend knows them and I tell him that I'm having lunch with them, so it's not a problem. The problem definitely is that he went behind my back and behaved super shady by deleting chat history and the picture, and even by not telling me about her and the meeting with her at all.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

So my question stands, if you knew for almost 100% certainty that he didn't cheat, would that make you feel better. I mean lose the obsessive anxiety & worry. I'm not saying that they're not justified. Cheating spouses lie & an hour is plenty of time to cheat & an available room makes it convenient. I'm not saying that you don't have a right to be angry & disappointed with your bf even if it's proven that he didn't cheat. He is guilty of breaking your trust.

 

 

If you could find out with almost 100% certainty that he never laid his body parts on her naked body, can you forgive him for being a douche about her to you? Can you go back to the relationship being the same again?

[spritegirl]

Yes I could. I could, because I trusted him before that. If I know knew a 100% that he didn't do anything, I could get over it (he also apologised and admitted his mistake, so), unless similar things happen again in the future.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

How much is that clarity worth to you?

 

 

If it's worth x amount to you, it costs the same or less than x amount & you can afford to pay x, then you might want to do this:

 

 

Inquire about the cost to hire a private investigator (dunno the UK or euro term for them) and ask them about having a polygraph test administered to your boyfriend and or seeing if he can buy a copy of the security camera footage of the restaurant & hotel lobby/hallway. If they can get that & the videos confirm the test results, then it should be conclusive that he didn't have sex with her.

 

 

If you go that route, don't have the polygraph examiner ask him too many questions besides the room/lobby & having sex thing. Don't watch the videos yourself. Just accept the PIs report. That's because while he might not have had sex, he might have done some stuff you don't want to see. Maybe he was very flirty at lunch with her. Maybe he sat next to her & they were touchy feely. Stuff like that.

 

 

You have every right to ask, because of his douchy deception & omission about her, to you. Did he give you any reason why he disrespected you like that? If he doesn't have anything to hide, he wont have a problem with a simple yes or no polygraph test.

 

 

Needless to say, if a situation like this happens again, you should break up.

[smackie9]

Do not let this slide, nor should this be over....he shouldn't be off the hook just by giving you a simple apology. This definitely needs further discussion. You need to clearify boundaries, and tell him your expectations when concerning meeting, communicating, and giving his number out to other women. It is out of respect to mention said person, so you need to drill that home for him. Next, deleting messages says if you are hiding it, or keeping it a secret then you know it's something you shouldn't be doing. Say to him if it was so innocent then there was no reason to delete it, and no reason not to mention it. Also meeting up for lunch is like going on a date......he needs to rethink about how to respect your relationship.

[spritegirl]

How much is that clarity worth to you?

 

 

If it's worth x amount to you, it costs the same or less than x amount & you can afford to pay x, then you might want to do this:

 

 

Inquire about the cost to hire a private investigator (dunno the UK or euro term for them) and ask them about having a polygraph test administered to your boyfriend and or seeing if he can buy a copy of the security camera footage of the restaurant & hotel lobby/hallway. If they can get that & the videos confirm the test results, then it should be conclusive that he didn't have sex with her.

 

 

If you go that route, don't have the polygraph examiner ask him too many questions besides the room/lobby & having sex thing. Don't watch the videos yourself. Just accept the PIs report. That's because while he might not have had sex, he might have done some stuff you don't want to see. Maybe he was very flirty at lunch with her. Maybe he sat next to her & they were touchy feely. Stuff like that.

 

 

You have every right to ask, because of his douchy deception & omission about her, to you. Did he give you any reason why he disrespected you like that? If he doesn't have anything to hide, he wont have a problem with a simple yes or no polygraph test.

 

 

Needless to say, if a situation like this happens again, you should break up.

 

 

I actually have been thinking to do that, but without my boyfriend knowing about it, therefore, not answering a test. I think him answering a test could really affect our relationship (even more than it already did), because he would know that I don't trust him. I have been thinking of getting an investigator, but what somehow I doubt he will get a security cam tape, because which professional hotel would actually sell that? He stayed in a well-known hotel, so I highly doubt they would do that.

 

I have the girl's number still.. what if I text her and explain the situation and ask? Or is that too risky (she could lie, she could tell my bf etc.)?

[spritegirl]

Do not let this slide, nor should this be over....he shouldn't be off the hook just by giving you a simple apology. This definitely needs further discussion. You need to clearify boundaries, and tell him your expectations when concerning meeting, communicating, and giving his number out to other women. It is out of respect to mention said person, so you need to drill that home for him. Next, deleting messages says if you are hiding it, or keeping it a secret then you know it's something you shouldn't be doing. Say to him if it was so innocent then there was no reason to delete it, and no reason not to mention it. Also meeting up for lunch is like going on a date......he needs to rethink about how to respect your relationship.

 

 

I mean we have talked about it a few times. It wasn't just a 'Sorry I did this' and then I never brought it up again. I brought it up a few times because I cannot get over it still. I said that he can never do this again, ever, or I will break up. I said that he always has to be transparent about these things. I also said that if it was so harmless, why didn't he mention her or the lunch? He said he thought I would overreact and that he didn't want to upset me. I don't get why he would think I would overreact, I'm not an overly jealous person and I have never made him a scene or anything. I told him I do not want him to text with random girls he just met, even if he says it's just harmless smalltalk. But I guess I cannot control if he really doesn't, even though he says he doesn't.

[Eighty_nine]

I actually have been thinking to do that, but without my boyfriend knowing about it, therefore, not answering a test. I think him answering a test could really affect our relationship (even more than it already did), because he would know that I don't trust him. I have been thinking of getting an investigator, but what somehow I doubt he will get a security cam tape, because which professional hotel would actually sell that? He stayed in a well-known hotel, so I highly doubt they would do that.

 

I have the girl's number still.. what if I text her and explain the situation and ask? Or is that too risky (she could lie, she could tell my bf etc.)?

 

I think you should text her and ask, explain the situation. And I think you should tell him (after) that you talked to her. If this was a one time screw up (not telling you about hanging out with this girl) and he didn't cheat at all, there's no reason to let it continue to affect the relationship. Yes, she could lie. But my feelings about it are that since she doesn't live in your area and is unlikely to see him again anyway, there's no incentive for her to lie. And I'd say "What did you and (boyfriend) do that day?" versus "did you sleep with him" or something. Asking the first way gives you a chance to see if their stories match up.

 

Anyway, I'm sorry. I think it's about 50/50 here, he could've cheated but nothing inappropriate at all could've happened too. Also, I'm a traveler/backpacker and I do like to get to know people when I'm traveling around, but it's usually in a totally platonic way.

[smackie9]

Having lunch with a girl he met at a party is IMO is stepping over the line. It would be different if it was work related or a high school friend that he had talked about. He may not have cheated, but this definitely isn't right.

 

Ask him what he would think if you had met a guy at a party, chatted with him and then met up for lunch at a hotel without telling him.....and him discovering it on your phone? and saw that the messages were later deleted I doubt he would be OK with it.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

They may not sell the tape, but might allow a licensed investigator to view the tape with the Hotel's head of security. Your PI only needs to see what was done in public. It's not a blackmail thing.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

To me a lot has to do with his intentions. If he's interested in backpacking & met a random girl that was backpacking and spent some time with her listening to her advice & stories about it, for that reason, even over a meal, then I don't see a problem.

 

 

If he faked or used an interest in backpacking to get to know or spend time with the girl, that would be an issue.

 

 

OP, if you do talk to the girl see if she'll toward all their texts to you. That way you can see the direction of their convos. You've seen some of his texts, so hopefully you can tell if she sends you everything. If you do it, ask her via text, while your bf is close to see if she contacts him about it.

[Elias33]

Having lunch with a girl he met at a party is IMO is stepping over the line. It would be different if it was work related or a high school friend that he had talked about. He may not have cheated, but this definitely isn't right.

 

Ask him what he would think if you had met a guy at a party, chatted with him and then met up for lunch at a hotel without telling him.....and him discovering it on your phone? and saw that the messages were later deleted I doubt he would be OK with it.

 

Agreed. The critical moment here is him not telling. If I would meet a girl and I end up talking with her, I would tell my GF. Because it is what you do, as if you met a person of the same gender, right? While his other friends were content talking to her in that bar, he decided to go to another bar with her? I could not see myself doing that while in a relationship; especially if kept silent.

 

Would he have told about her ever, if he wasn't confronted? And if he hasn't cheated, was he about to?

[acapelo_dp]

Him not telling you about her initially is a red flag in my opinion. Plus I find it to be a bit inappropriate to be meeting at his hotel to have lunch with a girl he doesn't really know. I am weary of "really friendly girls" why is she only talking to all the males pretty much? I'd be wondering why.

 

I would politely text her and explain your situation. She could lie, but it's your only shot since he probably wouldn't tell the truth either.

[kendahke]

 

What would you do in my situation? Thanks so much.

 

Knowing this guy as you do, what does your gut/judgement tell you?

 

That should be more than enough for you on which to proceed.

[spritegirl]

To me a lot has to do with his intentions. If he's interested in backpacking & met a random girl that was backpacking and spent some time with her listening to her advice & stories about it, for that reason, even over a meal, then I don't see a problem.

 

 

If he faked or used an interest in backpacking to get to know or spend time with the girl, that would be an issue.

 

 

OP, if you do talk to the girl see if she'll toward all their texts to you. That way you can see the direction of their convos. You've seen some of his texts, so hopefully you can tell if she sends you everything. If you do it, ask her via text, while your bf is close to see if she contacts him about it.

 

 

He loves traveling (so do I), but I don't think he'd need to talk to her about backpacking questions. Both of us have a lot of experience already. But well, never know.

 

I'm worried she'll tell my boyfriend that I asked her though :/

[spritegirl]

Agreed. The critical moment here is him not telling. If I would meet a girl and I end up talking with her, I would tell my GF. Because it is what you do, as if you met a person of the same gender, right? While his other friends were content talking to her in that bar, he decided to go to another bar with her? I could not see myself doing that while in a relationship; especially if kept silent.

 

Would he have told about her ever, if he wasn't confronted? And if he hasn't cheated, was he about to?

 

 

He didn't go to another bar with her, he stayed with his friends til the end, I know that for sure. But he had lunch with her in that hotel another day, yes. But apparently she also asked my friend to have lunch with him, although I'm not sure about that because I haven't seen their texts (but he offered me to show them to me).

 

I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have told me about her if I didn't confront him.

[spritegirl]

Him not telling you about her initially is a red flag in my opinion. Plus I find it to be a bit inappropriate to be meeting at his hotel to have lunch with a girl he doesn't really know. I am weary of "really friendly girls" why is she only talking to all the males pretty much? I'd be wondering why.

 

I would politely text her and explain your situation. She could lie, but it's your only shot since he probably wouldn't tell the truth either.

 

 

That is true indeed. I'm just worried she'll tell me boyfriend that I asked her. I guess that could turn to a bigger problem in our relationship.

[spritegirl]

Knowing this guy as you do, what does your gut/judgement tell you?

 

That should be more than enough for you on which to proceed.

 

 

I trusted him very much before that incident, even though I knew he cheated on his ex with me. But seeing what he did behind my back destroyed my trust a bit I guess, because I didn't think he'd be capable of meeting a girl behind my back, cheated or not.. So right now I'm confused and don't know what to believe.

[Eighty_nine]

He loves traveling (so do I), but I don't think he'd need to talk to her about backpacking questions. Both of us have a lot of experience already. But well, never know.

 

I'm worried she'll tell my boyfriend that I asked her though :/

 

you tell him you talked to her yourself. If he has nothing to hide and values you feeling safe in this relationship, he will be totally ok with it. but tell him AFTER so he doesn't prep her before about not saying anything.

[sandylee1]

I think he's being truthful, but it's worth putting some rules in place around meeting up with members of the opposite sex.

 

You need to tell each other in advance and not be secretive about it, otherwise boundaries will be overstepped and take you where you don't necessarily wish to end up. When something is hidden it looks suspicious, so he needs to not let that happen again.

 

His story checked out with what your friend said. The situation with his.......well I kind of understand that. He wasn't the type to string either of you along. He liked you and yes , maybe he should have split with her first, but I'd let it go.

[Lois_Griffin]

He said he had a girlfriend when we met, ha had ben with her for 1.5 years at that time. He said he didn't tell me because he was so completely crazy about me that he was scared I wouldn't want to be with him. He said he broke up with her just a few days after meeting me.

And you should worry. He has the morals of an alley cat.

If he has cheated before (on his ex), maybe he will cheat again (on me)? I remember that once, when we just started dating, I also met him for lunch close to the hotel of the city he had to stay for work (I lived in that city before). When he had to get ready for work, he asked me if I want to come to his room, which I did. I saw him getting naked, we had sex, and then he showered, put on his suit and went to work. I'm so worried that he did the same with that random girl.

Nothing you did was wrong when you met him. He, however, acted with no integrity whatsoever. He's SHOWN you who he is and how he's more than capable of lying, cheating, and disrespecting his partner and then tossing her away like an old shoe when he found someone he wanted more.

 

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

 

I know he swears nothing happened, but I also know that people lie.

All cheaters lie. They all swear they're innocent. They'll swear on their mother's lives, their children's lives, their dog's lives, and their own lives. It's standard operating procedure for them.

 

Your gut is screaming to you because you know he's lying. He keeps acting like this was some oh-so-innocent buddy he met that blew through town, and kind citizen that he is, he spent some time with her having lunch because she was in a land full of strangers. While it may be true that she was only blowing through town for a few days, I don't believe for ON second that his intentions were pure. Not one.

 

He's done his VERY best to hide his 'friend' from you in every single way.

 

There's a reason for that. And that's why your gut is screaming to you.

[Lois_Griffin]

I think you should text her and ask, explain the situation.

If you're going to go to this girl for answers, DO NOT TEXT HER. All that's going to do is give her the time to contact your boyfriend to find out what she should say to you.

 

CALL HER. Get her in real time and catch her off-guard. Being honest, I'm sure your BF has already contacted her and TOLD her that it all hit the fan and he's probably already asked her to lie for him should you come looking for answers. She doesn't know you from a hole in the ground so she'll do what he asks.

 

I think she's a dead end, personally.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Yup, he can lie & she can lie. An investigator, a polygraph examiner & security videos won't lie. If you have to know (not guess) with 100% certainty, that's the only way.

 

 

If I screwed up, but didn't physically cheat & a relationship I cared about was on the line, I would have no issues taking a polygraph test to satisfy my partner that I didn't cheat.