Nolagirl1214 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Hello everyone! This is my first post on LS but I've been following for quite a while. I'm not ready to share my story yet, and honestly maybe a little scared to post it online.. Anyway, I was reading a thread on here and someone described a situation as "cheating but not a full on affair". Can the same be said for just a PA? What's the difference between cheating and a "full on" affair? Not looking to stir up a huge debate, maybe just get some different opinions and maybe clarification! Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Hello everyone! This is my first post on LS but I've been following for quite a while. I'm not ready to share my story yet, and honestly maybe a little scared to post it online.. Anyway, I was reading a thread on here and someone described a situation as "cheating but not a full on affair". Can the same be said for just a PA? What's the difference between cheating and a "full on" affair? Not looking to stir up a huge debate, maybe just get some different opinions and maybe clarification! Semantics IMO. Call it what you will but to engage in activities that in the presence of one's SO would not otherwise engage in is cheating. Or an affair. Or whatever one wishes to call it. However, I believe the thrust of your Q is "Does emotion alter the 'meaning' of this behavior". IMO, no it does not. We humans are fantastic at rationalizing and this, to me, is simply another form of it. Its cheating if there is no emotion but an affair if there is. Or maybe its the other way around. Perspective is king in triangulated relationships. Anyways, its all rationalization and justification. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 PA or EA are both affairs and cheating. You don't needs emotions to be involved for it to be an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I've never had first hand experience being the betraying partner but i've counseled several people who have. I have had experience being the betrayed partner many years ago. Here's my take on it: PA's are easier for the WS or WP to get over. It was just sex after all. PA's coupled with emotional affairs are FAR more difficult for WS or WP to get over. Despite what conventional wisdom says, for the BS or BP, it doesn't matter if it was just a PA or a PA with an emotional affair, they're both cheating. Never had any experiences first hand or second hand with pure EA's. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Anyway, I was reading a thread on here and someone described a situation as "cheating but not a full on affair". This would be a singular or very short term string of interactions which were/are inappropriate. IMO, an 'affair' defines inappropriate actions over time. Can the same be said for just a PA? In the realm of strictly sex, it would be ONS versus repetitive sex with the same partner over time. A person can 'cheat' via ONS but not have 'an affair' if they never see the sexual partner again, or never have sex with them again. What's the difference between cheating and a "full on" affair? Cheating is achieving personal gain through deception. It can happen once, or repetitively. A 'full on' affair can be cheating but doesn't have to be. Again, deception is what defines cheating. Not all affairs are deceptive. 30 something thousand posts ago I came up with a definition for EA/PA type interactions as follows: Engaging in behavior relevant to monogamous intimate relationships which one's spouse or partner would disapprove of if/when disclosed. Cheating would be engaging in such behavior and deceiving one's spouse or partner as to the specifics of the behavior. Nearly everyone on the planet has cheated, just as nearly all of us have lied. However, the numbers change markedly when the standard is applied to personal intimate relationships, in that it falls substantially, especially when one moves beyond the formative years when the mind and psychology are forming, like 25 or so. IME, I ran into far more MW's/wayward GF's prior to age 25 than after. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Some consider ONSs harmless. Personally it's all the same to me, one step out of line is enough. Link to post Share on other sites
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