Bilbobaggins Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 I've been working with a attractive co worker for six months. I'm in a relationship and have been for 2 years. I am happy mostly but sometimes find my girlfriend really quiet and she doesn't engage with me fully all the time, our sex life is really good, we don't argue very much. She is really reasonable and open minded, not judgement. We are long distance and only see each other a weekend every 2 weeks. I've become the target from this gorgeous, outgoing, funny woman who I can't stop thinking about, she wants me bad an has told me many times, she is trying to make me stray, I won't but I can't stop fantasising about her. We get on so well and I look forward to seeing her at work. She lives local too. But she is engaged. I'm so conflicted and feel I've cheated on the inside, I feel like a **** bag. To a outsider how does this sound?. This is a cutdown version, thanks in advance for any help Link to post Share on other sites
silverliningplaybook Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 please don't cheat. that's a good sign that you feel guilty for even the thought of it, but if you did it you would feel 100 times worse. also this girl is engaged. It would be a lot of bad karma. you're lacking response and attention in your current relationship. if you never met your coworker, would you think about leaving your girlfriend? if so, then you need to let her go, if not, you need to sit her down and come to a solution. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Engaged women who audition cheating partners are usually just looking for their exit fling, so if you got with her chances you wouldn't for very long. She'd leave you in the dust when it was time to start being faithful. Hint - you might enjoy it but that's called being used. Personally I wouldn't feel too guilty you were tempted, because no one's above that. In fact I'd suggest you just J/O to the engaged chick to get her out of the mystic zone, and don't even feel guilty about that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Kudos for not cheating. That girl probably has that ego-problem in which she needs to be able to "seduce" taken guys to feel worth anything, and it's good you don't fall for it. It's time for you to establish boundaries; be friendly, but it has a line. Should she cross it repeatedly or even attempt phsyical contact you may go to your boss about sexual harassment. Wonder what her fiance would do if he knew what a girl he's about to get stuck with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bilbobaggins Posted May 17, 2015 Author Share Posted May 17, 2015 Thanks for the replies, I'm English so I'm not familiar with the term J/O. The obvious answer is usually the best, tell work mate to back off and get on with life as usual. I'm on holiday soon with my girlfriend for 2 weeks in Italy, as we are in a Ldr, it's the maximum time we usually spend together at once. What happens if all I can think about is the woman at work ?, I like her, not when I found she was pursuing me, but when she started working for the firm, In all honestly she has only turned up the temperature since I foolishly admitted to her I liked her, I probably should have mentioned that part previously. I won't cheat, that has never been on the cards. I'm feeling anxious now about just thinking about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 J/O is short for "jack off" lol. That might resolve your most recent concern. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leegh Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Since you and the engaged woman are both unmarried, I think it could be OK to go out with her. You and she could go out, and if you and she find out that you may be happier with each other, than in your current relationships, you could end the relationship with your girlfriend, and she could end the relationship with her finance. It happens all the time, where people meet new people, and end current relationships. I'm not saying to have an affair with this new woman at this point, but I think going out with her could be OK to see if there may be a future. I realize this is a difficult situation, but, speaking for myself, I've had regrets of not pursing things with various people over the years for various reasons, and I have regretted it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bilbobaggins Posted May 17, 2015 Author Share Posted May 17, 2015 J/O is short for "jack off" lol. That might resolve your most recent concern. Lol I admire your pragmatic approach lol, 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 In all honestly she has only turned up the temperature since I foolishly admitted to her I liked her, I probably should have mentioned that part previously. Well duh. If you open the door of course she'll come in. Make it clear you like her platonically. And don't be scared of fantasizing about her a little, nobody can (or should) control your thoughts. Don't mention them to your GF though to avoid trouble. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 The type of person she is, is a big fat red flag. Not only she could jeprodize your job, but could ruin things with your GF. Stop flirting with this coworker and keep your distance or you will find yourself in a heap of wanted trouble. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Thanks for the replies, I'm English so I'm not familiar with the term J/O. The obvious answer is usually the best, tell work mate to back off and get on with life as usual. I'm on holiday soon with my girlfriend for 2 weeks in Italy, as we are in a Ldr, it's the maximum time we usually spend together at once. What happens if all I can think about is the woman at work ?, I like her, not when I found she was pursuing me, but when she started working for the firm, In all honestly she has only turned up the temperature since I foolishly admitted to her I liked her, I probably should have mentioned that part previously. I won't cheat, that has never been on the cards. I'm feeling anxious now about just thinking about it. Oh but I think you will. She already occupies so much space in your mind. What happens when one day you're out with colleagues, get drunk and she comes onto you? It's not a scenerio where you've fantasized once felt bad about it then forgot about it. You actively engaged in flirting you look forward to seeing her. She keeps ramping it up. This is far more serious than playful banter. You know if the opportuinity presents itself she would bang you and you're encouraging it. Imagine that was your girl and some dude was hitting on her telling her he wanted to bang her and she admitted she liked him and actively flirted with him? I would dead the whole scenerio. Stop the banter before it gets out of hand or your girl finds out. Either way you've got a good situation with your girl. Don't blow it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AGoodFriend Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 My friend, this lady is intrigued by you because you are a "challenge" for her. If she knows you have a girlfriend, all the better for her. A lot of men and women get off by that. Once you fall, though, she'll probably move on to the next challenge, especially if she is as beautiful as you say. You'll fall for her and she'll be gone, and you'll be left picking up the pieces. I say this because you seem like a sensitive man. Probably best to leave it where it is. Believe it or not, a man's dignity and ego can actually be helped by turning down sex from time to time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 I've been working with a attractive co worker for six months. I'm in a relationship and have been for 2 years. I am happy mostly but sometimes find my girlfriend really quiet and she doesn't engage with me fully all the time, our sex life is really good, we don't argue very much. She is really reasonable and open minded, not judgement. We are long distance and only see each other a weekend every 2 weeks. I've become the target from this gorgeous, outgoing, funny woman who I can't stop thinking about, she wants me bad an has told me many times, she is trying to make me stray, I won't but I can't stop fantasising about her. We get on so well and I look forward to seeing her at work. She lives local too. But she is engaged. I'm so conflicted and feel I've cheated on the inside, I feel like a **** bag. To a outsider how does this sound?. This is a cutdown version, thanks in advance for any help You can shut this down if you really want to, so I would suggest doing it. The reason you feel guilty is that you know that you can shut it down, but you aren't because you enjoy the attention. Go watch some porn or something and get her out of your head. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Please end your relationship before you do ANYTHING with this other woman, for all of your sakes (you, your gf, the potential fling). It sounds like you've already cheated in your head. It's a very slippery slope. :-/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Let her make a mess of her relationship, if that's what she wants. You take care of your own and life will be good. Link to post Share on other sites
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