maryyc Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 (edited) He told me about this because he was feeling weird about it, and also told me he already dreamed about kissing her, a long time ago. He said he doesn't remember having this kind of dreams with other female friends, it only happened with her. They have been friends for 5 years, when I asked him how he felt about her, he said he thinks she's attractive, interesting, that their personalities are very similiar and that he admires her as a friend. When he dreamed he was having sex wih her, he says he didn't talk to her or saw her recently, they see each other 2 or 3 times a week when they are at college. Now, when it happened to ME, it would happen when I had a crush on that person or kept thinking about them, like when I broke up with my ex boyfriend. So, now I can't stop thinking that he probably has a crush on her and is in denial, that maybe he's lying to himself and myself as well because he doesn't want to hurt me and feel guilty or because he has seen her as a friend for 5 years, so he iis not listening to what his subcounscious is telling him. Also, it's very odd that he doesn't see her that often and only dreams about this specific girl and not other female friends, and he has many of them. He swears he never had or has a crush on her, that he loves me more than anything and those 2 dreams meant nothing, but I don't know if I can believe that. I'm thinking about telling him I want to take a break and that I want him to think about this... but I'm afraid this will be a stupid decision, since I don't know that much about how dreams work, so I came here for advice. Edited May 12, 2015 by maryyc Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Oh, Puleeeeeeze... It was a DREAM. Not waking state! Not conscious!!! Heck, in my dreams I murder people - should I be jailed? My husband and I tell each other all the time about the sex we have with others - and other weird things - that happen in dreams. IT MEANS NOTHING!!! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I agree. I think you're reading too much into it. You can't control what you dream about. Hell, I've dreamt that I've slept with other women while was dating AND while I've been married. But, I never told girlfriends or wife about those dreams. WHY?!?! They're not real! They never happened and never will happen! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 His big mistake was telling you about it. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
OMC Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 (edited) If a guy DREAMING is enough for you to take a break you may want to evaluate if you [want] to have a relationship with anyone period. My god, he was asleep. Edited June 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 If he did have a crush on his friend he certainly wouldn't have told you about the dream. Why would he be stupid enough to raise your antennas on his secret crush? Nothing is going on with them. I do have to say that him dreaming about her twice now is going to make his a bit self conscious the next time he sees her. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 maryyc Try being happy that your BF is willing to talk to you about things. He's not hiding anything. For you to punish him for sharing makes you jealous. In a dream she's not really her but she may be an embodiment of a characteristic he would like to see more of in you, like understanding. FWIW breaks never fix anything. Talking & working together overcome relationship problems. "breaks" are training wheels for people who don't have enough guts to break up. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 His big mistake was telling you about it. Yup.... OP I would question the intelligence of your Boyfriend if he can **** up this badly... Lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 What, you think everyone is like you and only dreams of others when they have a crush or have recently broken up? Seriously? I feel bad for your bf. He obviously thought your relationship was strong enough that he could trust you and be able to share things without fear of judgment. His only fault was believing your relationship was built on a foundation of trust and support for one another. Had he been trying to hide something, he wouldn't have told you. If you are that insecure because of a dream you shouldn't be in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Davey L Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Don't be silly! I have sex dreams with all sorts of women. It just means they've been on my mind for some reason. Most common are female colleagues who I've had difficult arguments with at work. Don't worry about it, it's normal. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I think only 1 of 10 would tell you about such dreams. He is very honest with you and trust you. He probably feels very attached to you, if he can share these things with you. You should be thankful and glad. Not the opposite. Would you prefer him to not sharing his dreams with you? My current wife told me very straightforward that she doesn't want to listen to my fantasies and sex dreams. You can ask him not to tell you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 It's only "just a dream" as long as it is treated as such. If he considers it to be "a sign" and it makes him think about banging her, well, you better leave. Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Yes, this is were "complete honesty" is better in principle than in practice. Guy should have kept this thoughts to himself. Part of me wonders if this was a really ham fisted way of attempting to raise the idea of a "threesome" with and your friend. Yeah, I've reached *that* point in my expectations of people Stuff like this makes me glad I don't dream.. or at least have no memory of doing so. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Why on earth would you want to "take a break"? Either dump him for his dreams, or laugh about it with him. This "take a break" thing is a pointlessly indecisive middle ground. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenician Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 His big mistake was telling you about it. you remind me of my wife , few years back I attempted to cheat on her , failed , escaped , and came back confessed about it . If I didn't do it she would have never knew about it ; it happened during a Business trip 5000 miles away . I expected that my wife would consider improving our relationship , and was proud of myself telling her . I discovered that being honest sometimes is stupid ; however if it happens again I will do the same thing ,why , because I am honest . OP ,your BF is honest with you , and it was just a dream ,yet instead of improving your relationship you want to hang him . In reality , yes you should leave , because you can not be honest to each other . so would you have been feeling better if he never told you about it ? If you want to succeed in any relationship ; you need to grow smarter ; and get rid of the borderline black/white thinking you have . Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Mmmm. I wouldn't tell my H if I had such a dream. He should have kept it to himself, because it's naturally going to make you feel uneasy. Have you asked him if he likes her in that way? Has she always just been a friend? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Having sex dreams of other people is normal. And it's normal for people to say nothing about it because it's not real. I would be concerned about the fact that he TOLD you about it....that does say something. I have a feeling this dream thing is BS, and it's his way of pushing you out the door. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 not really sure why did he tell you about it? i mean, okay -- the guy is clearly a fan of being honest but...... what was the point of telling you that? especially if it meant nothing? but i'm naturally paranoid so there is that. Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 You shouldn't take a break from him over that, but maybe you should break it off with him because you're considering taking a break over a dream he had. He is communicating with you about something that he felt weird about, and probably just wants to get some reassurance that it's not a big deal (because it isn't). You are turning it into a big deal by considering a break. Are you sure there are not other issues that make you want to take a break from this relationship, because this seems like a rather silly reason. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I normally have sex dreams when i am not actually having sex in real life adn feeling like i want sex......so when im horny......i am actually celibate and its a release i guess........ dreams are dreams....most people dont have control over dreams......and they point to many different things....like death in dreams doesnt actually coincide to dying......i have been killed off a lot in my dreams...more nightmares.......in horrible ways.....i am not dead yet obviously nor do i want to die.....well not now used to though.............death often means the end of something in dreams..... give your bf the benefit of the doubt.....explore why the dream makes you feel so insecure...do some internal soul searching.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 (edited) maryyc - In your other threads you acknowledge you suffer from anxiety and say you've booked an appointment with a therapist for this. Have you begun therapy yet? From your other threads, I think it's fair to say that you are being extremely irrational and unreasonable with your boyfriend. He is in therapy and this may be for his own issues or, quite possibly, because you have driven him to it. Whilst it was silly for your boyfriend to tell you about his dream, or that he looked at someone on Facebook, or that he found a girl cute, I suspect he did this because he has been walking on eggshells with you for a long time and is terrified of doing anything other than telling you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I think he was trying to help you by being completely honest because he has pleaded with you, before, to trust him and told you how much he loves you, and that you have absolutely nothing to worry about. He thinks that, if he is completely honest with you, you'll eventually realise that he couldn't possibly be actually cheating on you, and that he has done everything he can to gain your trust. Sadly, he is wrong. The trust issue is for you to work on, not him. He has, as evidenced in your previous threads, gone out of his way to get you to trust him but, ironically, it seems that lying to you (when faced with your incessant questioning) would have served him better. You probably would have given him less grief and trusted him more, had he told (what most of us consider to be) a couple of white lies. Most of us tell the occasional white lie to spare the feelings of others but you have interrogated him so much, he is now terrified of being 'found out'. I cannot see how the two of you will repair this situation. You are both long-distance, so couples' therapy would be very difficult and I think, honestly, you need more personal help than couples' therapy could give you. I think you should let him go and heal from this, and tell him you are leaving him because of your issues, not his. Then you should continue with your therapy before you begin another relationship. You will make someone else but, more crucially, yourself very unhappy in the future, if you do not. Sorry to have to give you such a negative analysis but, sometimes, finding ourselves up against a brick wall can be the best indicator that we need to look for another path. Edited May 14, 2015 by mickleb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nina_x Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Well, going against everyone here, I for once think that dreams are not just dreams. He subconsciently desires her. I wouldn't be ok with it, and I would break up with him. At least he was decent enough to tell you. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 (edited) He subconsciently desires her. I wouldn't be ok with it, and I would break up with him. So, what you're saying is that the minute a man (or a woman) enters into a commited relationship, he automatically eliminates any physical attraction to any other woman? :D:D Edited May 16, 2015 by lolablue17 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nina_x Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 So, what you're saying is that the minute a man (or a woman) enters into a commited relationship, he automatically eliminates any physical attraction to any other woman? :D:D Finding someone attractive is one thing. Dreaming about f**king someone is another level, I wouldn't be ok and that is a red sign for me. And before somebody calls me a hypocrite, if I dreamed I was having sex with another person that wasn't my boyfriend, I would break up the relationship. I take dreams very seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
kylle Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Finding someone attractive is one thing. Dreaming about f**king someone is another level, I wouldn't be ok and that is a red sign for me. And before somebody calls me a hypocrite, if I dreamed I was having sex with another person that wasn't my boyfriend, I would break up the relationship. I take dreams very seriously. My reaction after reaching your post on this thread: http://replygif.net/i/586.gif FFS...so if I dream about killing someone, that makes me a psycho? If I dream I'm wearing a dress in public, that makes me a transvestite? And all the times I dreamed I was naked in school, it made me a creep? That's ridiculous, judging by you other posts, you have a very strange way to deal with reality. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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