katiemiller Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I was with a guy for over 6 months and he would cancel on me here and there for work and so I would sometimes get nervous over trusting him. On Sunday, we went to a nice dinner and he reassured me that I had no reason not to trust him, that he'd never cheat on me and never has. Last night, I found out that he was on Hinge and actually set up a date with a girl I knew from college. She put two and two together and ended up asking me about him. She then showed me the text he was sending her. He set up a date with her the minute he left my house that morning. I confronted him about it and he said he never planned to actually go, that we are exclusively dating and that he hasn't cheated on me. I asked why he'd set up a date with someone else when we were together and his response was "because at the time, I wanted to go on a date with her". He then he said didn't want to talk about it anymore and hung up on me. I sent him the screenshots of him texting her and he hasn't talked to me since. We had plans to go to a wedding this weekend and I am so hurt. I can't stop thinking about what I did wrong, if I wasn't good enough, how many other girls there were, if every time he cancelled on me was he on another date. I feel so stupid, betrayed and angry. Like I am here crying over him while he is probably texting multiple girls on that app. I just can't understand why someone would do this to another person. I did everything I could to make him happy while he was out having sex with other girls. For those of you who have gone through this, how do start moving past this? Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 You start by blocking him. Do not allow him any contact with you at all. His cheating is his problem. You can't fix him nor is it worth even trying. You deserve better. Get out and go hang out with friends. Go make new friends. Take some time out to heal and have fun. There is far better guys out there that would love to have a faithful woman in there life. His cheating doesnt define you. He was just another bump in the road that your now over with. Clay 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I can't stop thinking about what I did wrong, if I wasn't good enough, how many other girls there were, if every time he cancelled on me was he on another date. I feel so stupid, betrayed and angry. Like I am here crying over him while he is probably texting multiple girls on that app. I just can't understand why someone would do this to another person. I did everything I could to make him happy while he was out having sex with other girls. For those of you who have gone through this, how do start moving past this? You didn't do anything wrong. You are good enough. You're not stupid. You should go strict no contact. ************************************************************ *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means he might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. ************************************************************ 1. Recognise that you're in the crisis phase - you are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce. 2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps. 3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right. 4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person. 5. Tell yourself frequently that you can and will love again. 6. Take care of your body: Eat enough and eat healthily. Drink enough water. Thats 1.5 litres for a female. Get a bit more rest than you think you need. Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous. If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor. 7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn. 8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. No contact directly, indirectly, or by social media. 9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do. 10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate. 11. Post here as often as you want to. People will help. ************************************************************ Love, Satu 1 Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 So sorry for you but know its a problem with him. Good thing you found out what kind of person he is. Run is what I say he is a creep and was not even man enough to talk about it. He is a chicken a-- cheater full of hot air so blow him off and find a real man. Big Hugs 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author katiemiller Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 Thanks everyone. I am just so upset because I tried so hard to make him happy. I would always make the plans, surprise him, and really make the effort. I feel like all of my efforts were completely wasted and not good enough. I know I'll get better, but I am just really down on myself right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 It's not about you not being good enough. He did what he did because of who he is. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 For those of you who have gone through this, how do start moving past this? Get a girlfriend to beat him up! First things first dontcha know. Link to post Share on other sites
dgf Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I was with a guy for over 6 months and he would cancel on me here and there for work and so I would sometimes get nervous over trusting him. On Sunday, we went to a nice dinner and he reassured me that I had no reason not to trust him, that he'd never cheat on me and never has. Last night, I found out that he was on Hinge and actually set up a date with a girl I knew from college. She put two and two together and ended up asking me about him. She then showed me the text he was sending her. He set up a date with her the minute he left my house that morning. I confronted him about it and he said he never planned to actually go, that we are exclusively dating and that he hasn't cheated on me. I asked why he'd set up a date with someone else when we were together and his response was "because at the time, I wanted to go on a date with her". He then he said didn't want to talk about it anymore and hung up on me. I sent him the screenshots of him texting her and he hasn't talked to me since. We had plans to go to a wedding this weekend and I am so hurt. I can't stop thinking about what I did wrong, if I wasn't good enough, how many other girls there were, if every time he cancelled on me was he on another date. I feel so stupid, betrayed and angry. Like I am here crying over him while he is probably texting multiple girls on that app. I just can't understand why someone would do this to another person. I did everything I could to make him happy while he was out having sex with other girls. For those of you who have gone through this, how do start moving past this? Nonono what you did wrong is didn't bail on him months ago, but you stayed with an untrustworthy prick. And you still don't get it do you. But he's charming and hot and good in bed. Link to post Share on other sites
dgf Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 And no haven't been through this. Because all the ladies are getting seduced by charming pricks who have so many red flags that can not be missed. you aren't that gullible to miss them all? Or are you because he's a charming liar? Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Its his loss. I know this hurts but be thankful you know now before you had any serious ties to him like marraige or a child. Sure it hurts now but nothing like it would if you had a child by him. Take your time and you will find a much better guy Clay Link to post Share on other sites
davidromero43 Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 I tried so hard to make him happy When one person gives 100%, and the other person gives 25%, it’s not hard to figure out who is not rowing. Stop going in circles by kicking them out of the boat. Row for yourself and make yourself happy. And when you find someone that wants to give 100% with your 100%, then you will really go places. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 His cheating was never your problem, it's his alone. And by his response, he has no conscience about it. He's a real piece of work. Kick to curb and go NC. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 I was with a guy for over 6 months and he would cancel on me here and there for work and so I would sometimes get nervous over trusting him. On Sunday, we went to a nice dinner and he reassured me that I had no reason not to trust him, that he'd never cheat on me and never has. Last night, I found out that he was on Hinge and actually set up a date with a girl I knew from college. She put two and two together and ended up asking me about him. She then showed me the text he was sending her. He set up a date with her the minute he left my house that morning. I confronted him about it and he said he never planned to actually go, that we are exclusively dating and that he hasn't cheated on me. I asked why he'd set up a date with someone else when we were together and his response was "because at the time, I wanted to go on a date with her". He then he said didn't want to talk about it anymore and hung up on me. I sent him the screenshots of him texting her and he hasn't talked to me since. We had plans to go to a wedding this weekend and I am so hurt. I can't stop thinking about what I did wrong, if I wasn't good enough, how many other girls there were, if every time he cancelled on me was he on another date. I feel so stupid, betrayed and angry. Like I am here crying over him while he is probably texting multiple girls on that app. I just can't understand why someone would do this to another person. I did everything I could to make him happy while he was out having sex with other girls. For those of you who have gone through this, how do start moving past this? This has nothing to do with you, this is about him being a lying, broken, POS cheater. The only way to get through this is to completely block him from your life starting right now. Google "the 180" and make it your mantra with respects to his broken a$$. You dogged a bullet, be thankful you found out before you spent years of your life on him. In future, when guys start cancelling on you, dump them. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Thanks everyone. I am just so upset because I tried so hard to make him happy. I would always make the plans, surprise him, and really make the effort. I feel like all of my efforts were completely wasted and not good enough. I know I'll get better, but I am just really down on myself right now. I'll echo what others have said. You did nothing wrong. He's a fool to treat you like he did and you are so much better off without him. Do not tolerate his nonsense. BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK HIM. Link to post Share on other sites
Author katiemiller Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 I haven't talked to him, because I know even if we fix things and I forgive him, my family and friends would absolutely kill me. He still hasn't apologized or fussed up to anything. I know that talking to him will only make things worse and either way, he will probably lie, but it's still making me feel worthless that he was able to let everything go like this. The wedding I was suppose to go to him with is tomorrow. I am not looking forward to going because I was so excited to go with him. I know I will be better off without him, but I can't stop thinking about the good times we had and the fact that he was able to put effort into a dating app to actively look for other women. I almost feel like I would feel better if it was just one woman, not multiple. Link to post Share on other sites
AGoodFriend Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 "Thanks everyone. I am just so upset because I tried so hard to make him happy. I would always make the plans, surprise him, and really make the effort." Katiemiller, as a guy, I can tell you that this fellow has lost out on something big that he may come to regret later. Unfortunately, he is too immature to be ready for someone like you. The pain will be there, especially over the memory of the good times. But by being strong and staying away from him, you will gradually get your heart back and later realize that in the end, it worked out for the better. As for him, he will meet his match down the road. We all do. Link to post Share on other sites
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