The Silent Treatment

[Sympathy]

HOWDY

It has been over a month since my bf abruptly ended our relationship and i haven't heard a peep from his end which i eventually would despite our many rifts and break ups over the course of our 5 yr relationship. He always stated that even if we were too separate for good that he would always love me in a way and that he would always be there for me and vice versa.....we would always tell each other if there was or was going to be someone else coming between our relationship. Most of the time our rifts and break ups were due to his ongoing heroin habit.....he is currently on probation so i don't know if his using his attributing to his protracted silence ( the longest silent period in our dating history)

 

I kinda suspicion there was another woman floating around there towards the end but he emphatically denied it......but he was acting all distant and angry and weirded out towards the end of the relationship which is kind of the way he was when he was using but it could be because there was another woman in the picture.

 

I am hurting extremely badly and i need closure ASAP.....2x i have written to him to ask him if there was another woman and the second letter i told him if he continued to ignore me than i would go over to his place and confront him for a simple yes or no and i would never darken his door again and i wouldn't as i don't want to be sloppy seconds....

 

My question is this....should i take his continued silence as a yes? If so than he who has hurt me so in the past.....my being second to his first love heroin.....why would he have any trouble telling me the truth or not and why would he begrudge me that after 5 yrs together so i could properly move on and not keep on hoping?

 

Eagerly waiting feedback,

Sympathy

[Mary3]

If he is using Heroin he could possibly overdosed and cannot respond to you letters, texts or phone calls.

 

On the off chance , that he is perfectly fine and is ignoring all your requests , it could be that he has ended this in his heart and just wants to be left alone.

 

I would recommend NC immediately because if he is trying to ignore you , it looks rather sticky for you to keep hanging on. You are not entitled ( at least in his eyes ) for justification of ending the romance. And continually asking him if he has someone else....do you honestly think he is going to say " Yes I am sleeping with someone else now and no longer intereted "

 

Its easier for him to keep quiet.

 

I dont know if thats by choice or demise at this point.

[Sympathy]

Mary3,

He has always been a very mean spirited guy and if he continually lied about his drug use why would he tell the truth about the possibility of another woman in his life. As he is on probation for a possession bust i naturally assume that it can't be drugs....but as i mentioned in my other threads...this being his 5th felony and the fact that he has had a 25 yr heroin habit and having admitted to using despite urine drops when he was on probation/parole in the past i couldn't entirely rule out drug use but this time somehow i doubt it.

 

If I myself ended an almost 5 yr relationship i would have enough empathy and respect for the rejected party to at least tell them the truth or end it with a little more than "It's over girl!" with a slamming of the phone. I am not him however and have never done drugs or served time or engaged in any type of illegal activity ( of course he was charming and loving in the beginning and down played both his criminal. abusive and addictive past).

 

You are right Mary.....i think NC from now on is the best route and i best read between the silent and non verbal lines and formulate my own conclusion and painfully accept it.

 

Next time this naive little bunny is going to do a background check on a prospective mate and not get involved with.... like the former ex bf who has felonies for kidnapping vandalism....theft...possession of criminal tools....and a past of former physically abusive relationships.....AND does not use or traffick hard drugs....

 

I guess he got sick of my namby pamby goody two shoes like personna

 

Thanx for the feedback....Sympathy

[moimeme]

Really, if you keep ending up with severly dysfunctional people, you should go see a counsellor and find out how this keeps happening or you'll be doomed to find yourself with another addict or abuser. You deserve better.

[Sympathy]

Dear Moimeme,

I wince with embarassment telling you this but i last saw my counselor back in August (as she was on maternity leave) and this was shortly after having found about 100 bucks worth of heroin packaged for sale behind my stereo center that my ex bf who swore he had been 2 yrs clean...even tho he was living with a former friend who was a drug dealer and had her own heroin and methadone habit at the time AND used to sell him heroin as well in the past. I had kicked him out of my apt and he said that he rather live with her than go to a city shelter and he neither used or dealt drugs the whole time he lived there....

 

Well my counselor told me to immediately break it off.....but when she went on maternity leave and i started getting really lonely and needy and he calling out of the blue i minimized the dangers of having that heroin unknowingly in my apt and accepted him back.

I figured since he is on probation and faithfully working out at the gym that he couldn't be doing drugs.....but in the past i would have unprotected sex with him as recently....knowing that he was using and that he had Hep C in the dormant stage....but not wanting to anger or make him out to be a liar.

 

Well i see her this week finally and must tell her that not only did i go back to him but since he broke it off again over a month ago i have been suicidal...and desperately trying to contact him as i suspicion he is with another woman but he continues to ignore me......

 

I guess my self esteem is so low that i think that if this loser abusive drug dealing drug using ex bf has dumped me for another woman then i must be pretty bad...

 

Man i am such a wreck......Sympathy