steve19951 Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 My girlfriend has been in graduate school and working a second job for the past year, so our time together has been scarce. Through it all, she's assured me that we were still a couple and that I needed to ride with the waves as she got through this difficult stretch. I've accommodated as best I could. Then, today, I learned that she is due to marry someone else in two weeks. It's all over the Internet. Apparently, it's been in the works for more than a year. The 'big day' is May 16. We haven't communicated much during the past couple of weeks because she's taking exams. I now know the truth, but she doesn't know I know. I'm so confused, I don't know what to do--and I still want her, though I'm badly hurt at the moment. Do I: (a) Confront her about it (b) Tell the other guy about me © Do nothing, figuring that the horse has left the barn (d) Pretend as if nothing has happened and be as consistently in touch with her as I usually am (e) At least demand an explanation. Part of me feels an obligation to tell the other guy, since she's set to marry him under false colors. Letting her get away with a monumental lie just seems wrong. What would you do? No one should ever have to find out their longtime girlfriend is marrying someone else the way I did. Link to post Share on other sites
atlantahan Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 Was she romantically involved by choice or is this a case of arranged marriage through parents or something? I'm kind of confused as to how another man wants to marry your girlfriend Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 She's working a second job, is in graduate school and still has time for a full time relationship and an engagement to two different men at the same time? She sounds pretty special, yes, tell him everything, he may still have time to cancel some of the wedding arrangements. It's not his fault he fell in love with a nasty, two timing, lying cheater. It is his fault if he marries her after learning the truth. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 Maybe you should contact her parents and find out what's happening from them. Advise them you feel that at the very least, you should receive an invitation to the happy occasion, given that you have been having sex with her fairly frequently... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 I'd find a way to contact him, give him all the evidence, details, and proof of your relationship. Go dark on her. Don't confront, question, cry, fall for her tears/lies/explanations/promises. Never contact her again, block all correspondence, social media, her phone numbers, etc and move on with your life. Revenge is a dish best served cold. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 © NC. Why on earth would you want to have anything to do with her after she has done this to you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
davidromero43 Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 This is crazy. This exact situation happened to me about 10 years ago. I did option C. It worked out well for me. She is still with the guy and has kids, and seems very happy. About a year ago she found me on facebook, sent a friend request, then unfriended me the next day. I assume she just wanted to look through my photos. I didn't have a heads up on the situation. We talked about getting married all the time. One weekend we went on a trip together and it was fantastic. The next weekend I found out she got married and was on her honeymoon with someone else. I was crushed for so long. But I really think option C was the best choice. I really didn't want her back after that. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 I vote for B. You can do A together later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 This leaves me flabbergasted. Even if it was an arranged marriage, she should be honest with you. I wouldn't want anything to do :(her ever again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author steve19951 Posted May 1, 2015 Author Share Posted May 1, 2015 Thanks to everyone who has replied to my post. Just to be clear, there's no reason to think that her Catholic family had anything to do with an arranged marriage or anything like that. I've found out more details since I posted. I found the guy's Facebook page, and there are pictures of her with him on various outings (boating, etc.) going back to 2013. So I'm sure the many times she told me she had to work, she was with him. There were always good reasons why we had less time together (she had night class and worked two jobs); she was spending money to rehabilitate a second home where we would live but never seemed to get completed; her work stress led to her getting sick a lot, so plans would get canceled. Through it all, I was as flexible as I could be. And I often would confirm with her that we were going to be a couple, that we were committed, and she always agreed. I think she didn't know how to let me down, so she didn't do it. Instead, I think she figured I'd get the message if she paid me less attention. But, instead, I stayed loyal through thick and thin, and her plan didn't work. The result is that she's two weeks from marrying someone else, and, until yesterday, I thought she and I would be together. Is contacting the other guy too vengeful? I guess I'm trying to figure out if contacting him is to make me feel better or to save him from her duplicity. Don't get me wrong--I feel wrecked by this, and I want answers. But does contacting him help in any of that? It seems the consensus on this board is that contacting him to tell him is better than trying to get answers from her. Link to post Share on other sites
davidromero43 Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 I would not contact him. You don't know him. Just let it go and start your healing. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 He is about to marry her! Yes, tell him immediately. He deserves to know now before he marries her. She is not the gal you both think she is (was). She's a manipulative liar using two men to suit her needs. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 My girlfriend has been in graduate school and working a second job for the past year, so our time together has been scarce. Through it all, she's assured me that we were still a couple and that I needed to ride with the waves as she got through this difficult stretch. I've accommodated as best I could. Then, today, I learned that she is due to marry someone else in two weeks. It's all over the Internet. Apparently, it's been in the works for more than a year. The 'big day' is May 16. We haven't communicated much during the past couple of weeks because she's taking exams. I now know the truth, but she doesn't know I know. I'm so confused, I don't know what to do--and I still want her, though I'm badly hurt at the moment. Do I: (a) Confront her about it (b) Tell the other guy about me © Do nothing, figuring that the horse has left the barn (d) Pretend as if nothing has happened and be as consistently in touch with her as I usually am (e) At least demand an explanation. Part of me feels an obligation to tell the other guy, since she's set to marry him under false colors. Letting her get away with a monumental lie just seems wrong. What would you do? No one should ever have to find out their longtime girlfriend is marrying someone else the way I did. Oh, holy cow! Of course, you confront her. You tell her what you know and you wish her well and say goodbye. Don't try to drag it out with explanations, etc. That will only cause you more pain. Rip the band aid. Start moving forward with your own life. And don't try to talk with the other guy. There's no point in it except to cause drama. Don't get mired down in all this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 it's typical women say "Yes! tell him everything revenge, revenge!!" and guys say "Don't bother, let the poor shlep marry her, you don't know the guy...." I would just go half way with this and confront her to get closure. Whatever is going on with her and other dude is their business, not yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 Thanks to everyone who has replied to my post. Just to be clear, there's no reason to think that her Catholic family had anything to do with an arranged marriage or anything like that. I've found out more details since I posted. I found the guy's Facebook page, and there are pictures of her with him on various outings (boating, etc.) going back to 2013. So I'm sure the many times she told me she had to work, she was with him. There were always good reasons why we had less time together (she had night class and worked two jobs); she was spending money to rehabilitate a second home where we would live but never seemed to get completed; her work stress led to her getting sick a lot, so plans would get canceled. Through it all, I was as flexible as I could be. And I often would confirm with her that we were going to be a couple, that we were committed, and she always agreed. I think she didn't know how to let me down, so she didn't do it. Instead, I think she figured I'd get the message if she paid me less attention. But, instead, I stayed loyal through thick and thin, and her plan didn't work. The result is that she's two weeks from marrying someone else, and, until yesterday, I thought she and I would be together. Is contacting the other guy too vengeful? I guess I'm trying to figure out if contacting him is to make me feel better or to save him from her duplicity. Don't get me wrong--I feel wrecked by this, and I want answers. But does contacting him help in any of that? It seems the consensus on this board is that contacting him to tell him is better than trying to get answers from her. Does that include staying loyal through "thick and thin" now? You found the facebook page yet bizarrely still haven't acted or confronted him or her...if this were real life you surely would have talked to her by now no? You two haven't been in contact yet? She still hasn't called you? Weird. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 Show up at her place while he's there and lay it all out. No need to delay - he's about to marry a two timing manipulative gal. He needs to notify people if he calls off the wedding. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 How about option "F". Show up at the wedding and when the question is asked if anyone here has an objection speak now or forever hold you peace, then stand up and ask her what the hell is going on and why is she marrying someone when she's still in a relationship with you. Bring proof and show him the texts. That oughta learn her! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 This girl has had multiple side guys and that poor sap of a BF is about to marry her. This has nothing to do with revenge, you might spare him a terrible marriage with an even worse divorce. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 You should confront her and let her know that what she did to you by NOT ending your relationship before getting into a relationship with someone else was wayyyy WRONG of her to do and that Karma will eventually find her one day. Then, you should just walk away, BLOCK her COMPLETELY and go NC forever. No one warned the OP about this lying, manipulative two-timing b!tch - he had to learn the hard way. So, as far as him 'warning' the poor schmuck who's about to marry this POS, the OP should NOT tell this guy ANYTHING - let him find out on his own. Because if the OP interferes with this POS's wedding, the schmuck is going to think of the OP as 'the bad guy' and probably won't believe him anyway. Just move on with your life...and be EVER SO GRATEFUL that you found out NOW what a BIG, stinking pile of DOG$HIT she is - and that you're NOT the one who's going to actually MARRY it!!! I mean seriously, can you just IMAGINE (horrifying, I know!) marrying this POS and then finding out what a liar, cheater and manipulator she is?!?!? In my opinion, you have dodged a MAMMOTH-SIZED **Bullet**, OP. . Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 You should confront her and let her know that what she did to you by NOT ending your relationship before getting into a relationship with someone else was wayyyy WRONG of her to do and that Karma will eventually find her one day. Then, you should just walk away, BLOCK her COMPLETELY and go NC forever. No one warned the OP about this lying, manipulative two-timing b!tch - he had to learn the hard way. So, as far as him 'warning' the poor schmuck who's about to marry this POS, the OP should NOT tell this guy ANYTHING - let him find out on his own. Because if the OP interferes with this POS's wedding, the schmuck is going to think of the OP as 'the bad guy' and probably won't believe him anyway. Just move on with your life...and be EVER SO GRATEFUL that you found out NOW what a BIG, stinking pile of DOG$HIT she is - and that you're NOT the one who's going to actually MARRY it!!! I mean seriously, can you just IMAGINE (horrifying, I know!) marrying this POS and then finding out what a liar, cheater and manipulator she is?!?!? In my opinion, you have dodged a MAMMOTH-SIZED **Bullet**, OP. . That's why I said to save the text messages. No doubt that they OM doesn't know and there's no reason for him to suffer for something that isn't his fault. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 That's why I said to save the text messages. No doubt that they OM doesn't know and there's no reason for him to suffer for something that isn't his fault. Bubba, I see what you're saying. BUT, even if the schmuck ends up believing the OP by reading the texts, it'll be a LOT of STRESS for the OP to have to confront this other guy by having to have a conversation with him and opening his phone to show this other guy those texts! Seriously, do you honestly think that the POS b!tch is going to actually ALLOW the OP to TALK to HER fiance and BLOW the WHISTLE on her???? She'll probably start yelling and screaming at the OP to LEAVE THEM ALONE and possibly threaten to call the police on him for HARASSMENT!!! Who knows what that POS is capable of doing? The OP has ZERO Obligation to let this schmuck know what a POS she truly is! This other guy is a (supposedly) MATURE ADULT and should've gotten to know her better BEFORE he agreed to MARRY her. This other guy will find out in time what he's marrying. It's a life lesson he has to learn ON HIS OWN, just as the OP has learned it on HIS own. . Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 it's typical women say "Yes! tell him everything revenge, revenge!!" and guys say "Don't bother, let the poor shlep marry her, you don't know the guy...." I would just go half way with this and confront her to get closure. Whatever is going on with her and other dude is their business, not yours. I find this too weird. She's clearly a TOTAL LIAR> And the OP has gotten a REALLY SUCKY DEAL> Why is it okay for the other guy to get served a real raw deal too? How ridiculous. OF COURSE tell the other guy. Imagine all of the "sick days" and "work nights" he's put up with too. since 2013? Wtf ????? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 how about option "f". Show up at the wedding and when the question is asked if anyone here has an objection speak now or forever hold you peace, then stand up and ask her what the hell is going on and why is she marrying someone when she's still in a relationship with you. Bring proof and show him the texts. That oughta learn her! i love option f 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 OK then if he doesn't want to show up at the wedding, then fin out who the guy si and send him the text messages. The woman is burning the candles at both ends and the other guy should be given the heads up. As far as he knows, he thinks that she's being hones with him and he doesn't deserve it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 How long have you been in a relationship with her? If I were the fiancé I'd want to know that my GF had been cheating. You could help him from making the biggest mistake of his life. It's the honorable thing to do, not vengeful at all. Get proof of the affair in the form of texts and emails. Print them out and contact him. Tell him you have some VERY IMPORTANT information and you need to speak to him . URGENTLY. Don't delay. Do it quickly. She's a fraudster and him not knowing this is unfair. She'll get likely always be a cheat and the guy will wish someone had the decency to tell him the truth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts