maryyc Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 My boyfriend admited to me that if occasionally there's some girl he finds cute, he can search for her on facebook, to see her facebook pictures because he thinks she's cute. I'm not talking about some picture appearing on your feed, I'm talking about seeing a girl at work, finding her attractive and then go on facebook and search for her facebook profile. Is it normal? And why do you guys actually do this? Should I be careful with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Us dudes can be horndogs no matter what age. Usually perusing the public pics of some female on FB is done after seeing them appear on a mutual friends' comment thread to see if she has a nice rack or a nice ass and then debating the risk/reward of sending them a friend request, which by nature the reward is generally non existent, but we try to convince ourselves initially that there is a reward for it. I'm being totally honest here I am just as guilty of creeping when I see a hot chick on FB but I usually go to Google Photo Search first since it's like many young women currently use Denise Milani as a profile pic and tries to pass it off as themselves. lol Sometimes it's in passing but if he is doing this with work colleagues then I would be the first one to say that it is advisable to keep an eye on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maryyc Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 Us dudes can be horndogs no matter what age. Usually perusing the public pics of some female on FB is done after seeing them appear on a mutual friends' comment thread to see if she has a nice rack or a nice ass and then debating the risk/reward of sending them a friend request, which by nature the reward is generally non existent, but we try to convince ourselves initially that there is a reward for it. I'm being totally honest here I am just as guilty of creeping when I see a hot chick on FB but I usually go to Google Photo Search first since it's like many young women currently use Denise Milani as a profile pic and tries to pass it off as themselves. lol Sometimes it's in passing but if he is doing this with work colleagues then I would be the first one to say that it is advisable to keep an eye on him. Lol I understand that, but I'm talking about searching for a specific girl you know in real life. Let's say you're at college and you see this girl, find her attractive so you decide to look for her facebook profile... Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Even more cause for concern....again, in a situation like this I suggest you Trust your gut. If you don't think something is right, then don't just ignore it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maryyc Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 Even more cause for concern....again, in a situation like this I suggest you Trust your gut. If you don't think something is right, then don't just ignore it. I just don't really know what to do, if I ask him "Are you thinking about cheating on me?", I already know his answer will be "WHAT? OF COURSE NOT! YOU'RE LUNATIC AND A PSYCHO FOR THINKING THAT JUST BECAUSE I SEARCH FOR GIRLS I KNOW IN REAL LIFE ON FACEBOOK!" Oh, and btw, the last girl he searched for, he said he did that because she reminded him of me..... Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 It's normal to search for girls on Facebook that you know in real life in order to be friends with them. The problem I see is that he's telling his girlfriend he's just finding these girls because he thinks they are cute and wants to look at their pictures. That's creepy and rude. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Vercetti Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Yeah if wanting to network a potential pool of affair partners or looking for a safety net to eject from current relationship into...it's perfectly natural. Really if just want to lust after cute faces, lots of places to do that. Social networking just means want to feel people out so can play angles for something in reality. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I just don't really know what to do, if I ask him "Are you thinking about cheating on me?", I already know his answer will be "WHAT? OF COURSE NOT! YOU'RE LUNATIC AND A PSYCHO FOR THINKING THAT JUST BECAUSE I SEARCH FOR GIRLS I KNOW IN REAL LIFE ON FACEBOOK!" Oh, and btw, the last girl he searched for, he said he did that because she reminded him of me..... Watch his actions. Seriously. People are skilled BSers and especially when their actions don't line up with their words, sometimes they will try to convince us otherwise. If you err, I think it best to err on the side of caution and sit back for another day or two or even 3 and see if he starts bringing somebody's name up more often than usual. Then go from there. Play it close to the vest, for now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 that's okay.. it's the 14 year old in people. If it turns into an obsession or a fixation or infatuation.. then it's a problem. and hello..duh.. of they're cute, he wouldn't be doing it if they weren't . Make sure you both talk about where the limit is.. so you know when to call him on it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Is it normal? For some men, yes, they've been doing it all their lives. And why do you guys actually do this? It varies by man but generally is a function of them compartmentalizing their lusts separate from their love and commitment for their spouse or partner. Should I be careful with him? IMO, if this is an issue you find unsettling, care is warranted. Expressing your boundaries and then executing them if they are not respected. Although anything is possible, a man who openly demonstrates such behaviors when in a relationship or married is unlikely to change. He'll generally find another partner or spouse because, well, he can. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maryyc Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 (edited) For some men, yes, they've been doing it all their lives. It varies by man but generally is a function of them compartmentalizing their lusts separate from their love and commitment for their spouse or partner. IMO, if this is an issue you find unsettling, care is warranted. Expressing your boundaries and then executing them if they are not respected. Although anything is possible, a man who openly demonstrates such behaviors when in a relationship or married is unlikely to change. He'll generally find another partner or spouse because, well, he can. What do you mean? That if I try to "stop" him from doing those things, he will find someone else? Edited April 26, 2015 by maryyc Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Generally, if this is a historical behavior for him (unknown), he won't change and, if you and he become at loggerheads over the issue, either you'll terminate or he will and, yup, he'll find another partner. Since all interpersonal relationships are voluntary and optional, all we can do is behave how we feel is healthy for us, express our boundaries and terminate relationships with people who don't respect them, or us. Civility and the law limit other options so walking away is usually the healthiest way to handle irreconcilable differences. When expressing boundaries, tell him how you feel. If you feel demeaned or disrespected (unknown), state that - 'when you do xxxx I feel xxxx'. Either things work out and you stay together or they work out and you split up. The result is unknown. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 I just don't really know what to do, if I ask him "Are you thinking about cheating on me?", I already know his answer will be "WHAT? OF COURSE NOT! YOU'RE LUNATIC AND A PSYCHO FOR THINKING THAT JUST BECAUSE I SEARCH FOR GIRLS I KNOW IN REAL LIFE ON FACEBOOK!" Oh, and btw, the last girl he searched for, he said he did that because she reminded him of me..... Because she reminds him of you... Classic. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 No it's not normal, it's one thing to find a girl cute. But hunting her down on FB? Nope. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beyondcrushed Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 I agree with most posts. It is disrespectful to you. I believe he is thinking about or creating options -- "feathering his nest". It's not appropriate in a committed relationship. It's ok to look once and think she's cute, but to go the extra mile to search her online, totally fishy. My exbf does the same thing. He even goes further and befriends and flirts with cute girls. While we were together he feathered his nest. Creeped a girl on FB, emailed himself her pics, hung out with her more often, mentioned her name often. After we broke up, a month later I find out they are dating and in love. So, be cautious. Know your boundaries, watch him, and if you are not happy tell him why. But they rarely, if ever, change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
J2911 Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 No, it's not normal nor respectful Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 Why is it not normal? Even I would do it and I am a girl. We all find other people attractive and FB stalking does not mean I want to cheat. What I don't understand is why would he tell you. Link to post Share on other sites
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