Delcore Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 It may seem like lifes most basic questions, but honestly, in a society thats constantly changing and surrounded by evolving technology, getting a straight answer to this question without some sort of complex answer is like trying to hitting the lottery. Just recently, I asked a girl out (whom I mildly knew only from a 10 minute class in school) who initially told me yes. The first weekend, she said she was going to busy. The next weekend, I made her a card with a simple love poem on the left side and on the right an apology for the complications and made it clear that I hope to see her soon. Again, she said she was going to be busy during that weekend. Today, I made it a last ditch effort to text her on my phone (which I'll note I haven't texted in years since until recently I found calling much simpler and straight to the point) and ask her if she'd like to get to know one another via text - and she never responded. After that, I just sent her a text thanking her for her courtesy and time and told her to take care. At age 16, I've never been able to get a clear answer. When I talked this over with my uncle, (note he was born in 1944) I was always taught to be humorous but yet chivalrous. When I asked my male classmates at school for advice, they all recommended that you should act a little bit 'like a dick' to women but be flirtatious and somewhat random at the same time - giving me suggestions to say women like "How much does a polar bear weight... Enough to BREAK THE ICE"! All of this, is so counter-intuitive and contradictory to one another that it makes me want to quit because no one has a clear answer. No, I don't want to buy a 300 dollar e-book. No, I don't want to 'learn from the man'. And no, I don't want to 'be a dick' to women and make mildly sexual remarks in conversations - that to me looks cocky. At 5 ft 5, 16, and still in highschool, I feel that I'm competent enough and have enough perseverance to obtain most of my goals if I strive for them. I just want for someone to be able to tell me what is the real deal when it comes to flirting and being able to have a date with women. I want for someone to tell me how is it that I can combine the old teachings from my older folks in the family and evolve them into something that works. I just want some simple answers so that I'm not sitting around on the interwebs looking through the same recycled "how to pick up girls" sites that this society has instilled into my generation. Please, be elaborate with me so I can come to understand how things really work now. I think I need to evolve. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Delcore Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 Update: She texted back and said she was at a friends house and wasn't at her phone. She said texting is fine. If she was over at her friends house, what was so hard with going out during the weekend? Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 How to flirt: be honest. You'll win some, lose some. The ones you lose will tend be the ones you wouldn't want to win anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Confidence, it's all about confidence and how you carry yourself, how you are with others, what kind of friends you have, how active you are, and what kind of interests you have, ie physical activities. Ya got to have that swagger like you don't care, and what matters is you. Link to post Share on other sites
pgirl9000 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Compliment her a lot and make it sound genuine. Compliment about her interests, she looks beautiful, a hard worker etc. Keep telling her for days without getting tired. This will make her notice you. Smile at her, be humorous, be cool and confident around her. It takes time. She might start looking forward to your comments, that's when you can take it a step further and tell about her figure. Little bit more than casual compliments a slightly sexual compliment. Then as last step ask her out for a coffee date which is not very elaborate. Keep asking until she agrees, don't get tired of asking. Once she agrees again compliment her, show interest in getting to know her but don't probe too much and don't forget to say you look more beautiful up close. At that point after all this work you will know if she is interested in you.. That's what happened to me and it worked on me. Now I am lost on this guy and trying to recover. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Delcore Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 Hi, thanks for the advice, it's appreciated. However, after reading through some of these posts I get the impression that no one here is really taking the time to read my scenario which is really undermining. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 OP, I'll give you perspective from another guy. The love poem is too much too soon, and your friends are correct in essence, but let me elaborate: You need to be confident, and you need to be a challenge to her. If you're writing her a love poem, she knows that you've already fallen for her, and she won't have to work for you - girls just like guys enjoy the chase. You don't need to be a dick to her, but keep her guessing about your intentions especially early on. A good way to flirt with her is to tease her, if she does something funny, make fun of her but laugh it off, etc. Otherwise, a safe way of flirting is being able to make her laugh, and cracking an occasional smile at the right moment towards her. Also contrary to what another poster said, do NOT compliment her too much, if you haven't gone out yet, I would hold off on complimenting her. When/if you have a first date, don't make many compliments, mostly just say something like "You look nice tonight". Girls will tell you they like to be complimented, but if you do it too much early on it shows that you're overly invested in them and they won't see you as a challenge. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Be exactly the same person on the outside that you are on the inside. Authenticity is very sexy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Delcore Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 OP, I'll give you perspective from another guy. The love poem is too much too soon, and your friends are correct in essence, but let me elaborate: You need to be confident, and you need to be a challenge to her. If you're writing her a love poem, she knows that you've already fallen for her, and she won't have to work for you - girls just like guys enjoy the chase. You don't need to be a dick to her, but keep her guessing about your intentions especially early on. A good way to flirt with her is to tease her, if she does something funny, make fun of her but laugh it off, etc. Otherwise, a safe way of flirting is being able to make her laugh, and cracking an occasional smile at the right moment towards her. Also contrary to what another poster said, do NOT compliment her too much, if you haven't gone out yet, I would hold off on complimenting her. When/if you have a first date, don't make many compliments, mostly just say something like "You look nice tonight". Girls will tell you they like to be complimented, but if you do it too much early on it shows that you're overly invested in them and they won't see you as a challenge. And finally, how should I 'slightly' make her laugh and compliment her at the same time? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I'm certainly no expert but some tasteful and well-considered double-entendres usually break the ice if the lady is otherwise open to communication. I generally flirt in person and not electronically because I get better feedback that way. Also, since my mileage with women has varied markedly in life, I figure them taking in the totality helps with a clearer idea if I pass the attractiveness test. If flirting proceeds, I figure it's neutral to positive. Then it's just a matter of relationship status since most of the ladies who do flirt with me or are receptive are married. That kind of flirting can be fun since there are no expectations of a date happening. Perfect for my time of life right now. So, generally, in person, double-entendres to start and then go with the flow with some light banter and teasing thrown in with a bit of self-depricating humor as balance. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Be exactly the same person on the outside that you are on the inside. Authenticity is very sexy. Yeah unless you're boring, then you need to get un-boring. And finally, how should I 'slightly' make her laugh and compliment her at the same time? What are you talking about? I never said to compliment her a bunch. Girls like to laugh, if you can flirt/tease her a bit and make her laugh, you win. It's better to tease her, because it comes off as less needy than being serious all the time with her. If you come across as desperate or needy, she'll be gone before you know it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Delcore Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 (edited) Yeah unless you're boring, then you need to get un-boring. What are you talking about? I never said to compliment her a bunch. Girls like to laugh, if you can flirt/tease her a bit and make her laugh, you win. It's better to tease her, because it comes off as less needy than being serious all the time with her. If you come across as desperate or needy, she'll be gone before you know it. Sorry for the confusion, I was refering to the compliments from the previous posts as well as combining yours. Despite this, how would you recommend (since she and I are on txting and phone basis) that I flirt and tease her without appearing needy? We just texted again tonight but we mostly just talked general school things. She also needed some notes from some classes so, I happily took some pictures and helped her out with that as well. Thanks! Edited March 31, 2015 by Delcore Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 (edited) Sorry for the confusion, I was refering to the compliments from the previous posts as well as combining yours. Despite this, how would you recommend (since she and I are on txting and phone basis) that I flirt and tease her without appearing needy? We just texted again tonight but we mostly just talked general school things. She also needed some notes from some classes so, I happily took some pictures and helped her out with that as well. Thanks! Ok it took me a while to figure out how to say this and make it easy for you to understand. This girl has you in the friendzone, if she texts you asking for notes and you're not dating her, you should not give 2 ****s about wasting your time helping her - unless you just want to be her friend. Your texting communication with her should be short and to the point, and you shouldn't be afraid to stop the convo yourself if you feel like her message is halfassed and doesn't warrant a response. Honestly recovering from the friend zone is damn near impossible, because if you start flirting with her now, it's going to confuse her because she probably thinks of you as just a friend she can use to get notes from. In the future, don't make yourself so available, if you're too easy (reading your posts I know this is the case), women will get bored of you. Keep some mystery and don't forget that YOU are the prize, go about your daily life normally and don't be thinking about her at all times. Sorry about the rant... Tl dr version: Until you're dating her, back off a bit. P.s. Flirting by itself doesn't make you needy, not sure why you asked. Edited March 31, 2015 by barcode88 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Delcore Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 Ok it took me a while to figure out how to say this and make it easy for you to understand. This girl has you in the friendzone, if she texts you asking for notes and you're not dating her, you should not give 2 ****s about wasting your time helping her - unless you just want to be her friend. Your texting communication with her should be short and to the point, and you shouldn't be afraid to stop the convo yourself if you feel like her message is halfassed and doesn't warrant a response. Honestly recovering from the friend zone is damn near impossible, because if you start flirting with her now, it's going to confuse her because she probably thinks of you as just a friend she can use to get notes from. In the future, don't make yourself so available, if you're too easy (reading your posts I know this is the case), women will get bored of you. Keep some mystery and don't forget that YOU are the prize, go about your daily life normally and don't be thinking about her at all times. Sorry about the rant... Tl dr version: Until you're dating her, back off a bit. P.s. Flirting by itself doesn't make you needy, not sure why you asked. Yep, took her up on one last offer to take her out and she said she just wanted to be friends. So, I guess at some point I ****ed up. Where, probably at the openess part. But, I suppose it's all part of the learning experience. Guess I just got to move on and try and learn how to do better next time. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Whether you screwed up or not, you two were most likely not compatible. Most first dates never succeed even if they don't go terrible. Everyone is different. Link to post Share on other sites
Wombat88 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Honestly recovering from the friend zone is damn near impossible, because if you start flirting with her now, it's going to confuse her because she probably thinks of you as just a friend she can use to get notes from. Likely true, but never say never. I was "friends" with a woman for 3 years, I now call her my wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts