I made a mistake

[Confusedchica]

After reconnecting with an ex. We were doing so well and getting along so great.

A mutual friend asked me if we were dating again and I said "why?" (Because we agreed to keep ppl put of our business this time) he said he was just wondering at first then said he's asking because supposedly my guy has a girl he's been seeing. I got upset and immediately broke things off with him and told him I don't want to talk to him ever again.

 

After I broke things off I told the mutual friend that I had just broken things off. He then told the whole story which was my guy was only spotted at a convention with this girl where they both work!! And they didn't appear to be a couple. So basically like an idiot I broke things off with him for no reason. He won't speak to me now at all I even tried apologizing and he still keeps ignoring me.

 

The mutual friend was HIS friend first. So I don't understand why he did that. I feel like he has a crush on me. He once told me im the "perfect girl" and he said he's bummed that I was seeing his friend already. Now I don't want to speak to him at all because of the drama he caused. He literally withheld the FACTS of the story until I broke up with my guy. Then he said I threw him under the bus by saying anything but I don't get why he would think I wouldn't say anything about that especially. I told the mutual friend yesterday that I don't want to speak to him for awhile because he has a habit of doing this.

 

I realized with this situation why me and my guy had the agreement to keep our business our business because u can't trust ppls motives. Now look at where we are. I'm so irritated with this mutual friend because I feel like he did this intentionally. I fear that I made a huge mistake because I cannot get him to say one word to me because I broke things off with him. The only thing I can think of is maybe he will talk in person. I feel like he doesn't want to deal with me because he doesn't like drama. Which is why we had the agreement in the first place because last time we dated it was so much he say she say. My apology didn't even work ugh! I'm so lost as to what to do next.... Are all men this stubborn??

[No Limit]

This isn't stubbornness it's cleverness. You trusted your mutual friend and gossip more than your then-boyfriend and instead of talking to him and at least listen to his side of the story you broke it off immediately (which really should only be your course of action if someone presents you with photos or videos of him having sex with someone else). There's no real trust there so he's moving on, and you should too.

[d0nnivain]

You also broke a promise to your now EX-BF. You promised you would keep other people out of your relationship. Yet, the 1st thing you did was let a third party in & you believed him, even when he didn't even tell you the whole story, while refusing to give you the benefit of the doubt.

 

Learn to keep your own counsel.

[smackie9]

There are plenty of fish in the sea.....now you know what not to do for the next guy.

[kendahke]

 

The mutual friend was HIS friend first. So I don't understand why he did that. I feel like he has a crush on me. He once told me im the "perfect girl" and he said he's bummed that I was seeing his friend already. Now I don't want to speak to him at all because of the drama he caused. He literally withheld the FACTS of the story until I broke up with my guy. Then he said I threw him under the bus by saying anything but I don't get why he would think I wouldn't say anything about that especially. I told the mutual friend yesterday that I don't want to speak to him for awhile because he has a habit of doing this.

 

Actually, I think you should have done one of two things:

 

1. Tell your snitch of a friend that the topic of you and your now ex was off limits and to stop coming to you to tell on him...

 

or

 

2. Do a whole lot more digging for facts when he did say that to you. It doesn't appear that you asked him anything about his seeing your now ex working at this convention. Did your now ex tell you he was working that day at this convention?

 

I realized with this situation why me and my guy had the agreement to keep our business our business because u can't trust ppls motives. Now look at where we are. I'm so irritated with this mutual friend because I feel like he did this intentionally. I fear that I made a huge mistake because I cannot get him to say one word to me because I broke things off with him. The only thing I can think of is maybe he will talk in person. I feel like he doesn't want to deal with me because he doesn't like drama. Which is why we had the agreement in the first place because last time we dated it was so much he say she say. My apology didn't even work ugh! I'm so lost as to what to do next.... Are all men this stubborn??

 

No, men are not all like this, but a lot of them put a lot of store in a word given and don't have much for someone who flippantly chooses to break theirs.

 

This isn't an issue of stubbornness--it's an issue of you not being true to your word. You told him that you agreed to keep your business to yourself and you broke that word... with his friend who has a crush on you.

 

This ball is no longer in your court. You are going to have to wait him out to serve it back to you. All you can do is sit tight and think on the importance of a word given in agreement.

[Javelin]

Let me take a quote snippet from your post.

 

I got upset and immediately broke things off with him and told him I don't want to talk to him ever again.

 

Don't take this the wrong way, but you are part of the drama problem. And, I actually commend your boyfriend for not speaking with you after what you said.

 

You should learn to talk things out before jumping to such harsh conclusions.

[preraph]

You've got to go no contact with your guy friend who told you that. He's just trying to keep you from being with anyone but him. But him off totally so he can't meddle in your business.

[Confusedchica]

Actually, I think you should have done one of two things:

 

1. Tell your snitch of a friend that the topic of you and your now ex was off limits and to stop coming to you to tell on him...

 

or

 

2. Do a whole lot more digging for facts when he did say that to you. It doesn't appear that you asked him anything about his seeing your now ex working at this convention. Did your now ex tell you he was working that day at this convention?

 

 

 

No, men are not all like this, but a lot of them put a lot of store in a word given and don't have much for someone who flippantly chooses to break theirs.

 

This isn't an issue of stubbornness--it's an issue of you not being true to your word. You told him that you agreed to keep your business to yourself and you broke that word... with his friend who has a crush on you.

 

This ball is no longer in your court. You are going to have to wait him out to serve it back to you. All you can do is sit tight and think on the importance of a word given in agreement.

 

 

Yes I knew he was working this convention because he works them often. I told the mutual friend yesterday that I don't want to talk for awhile and he said "ok Ill let you be". I didn't mean to jump to the gun like I did but I just got so upset.

[Confusedchica]

Let me take a quote snippet from your post.

 

 

 

Don't take this the wrong way, but you are part of the drama problem. And, I actually commend your boyfriend for not speaking with you after what you said.

 

You should learn to talk things out before jumping to such harsh conclusions.

 

You're absolutely correct. By feeding into drama, I am apart of it. I feel like that whole situation was a test that I failed miserably

[No Limit]

No doubt you'll have another chance to test and practice self-control in these situations in your next relationship. But this one is definitely a goner.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Let me take a quote snippet from your post.

 

 

 

Don't take this the wrong way, but you are part of the drama problem. And, I actually commend your boyfriend for not speaking with you after what you said.

 

You should learn to talk things out before jumping to such harsh conclusions.

 

Took the words right out of my mouth.

 

OP, I'm glad to see that you're taking responsibility for the part you've played in this.

 

As smackie9 said, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Use this experience and learn from it so you don't end up here again with the next guy.

 

Good luck.

[Spectre]

The phrase "practice what you preach" comes to mind.

[badpenny]

.... Are all men this stubborn??

 

Well of course not....That's a silly question.

It's like me asking - are all women this impulsive?

 

....I ....immediately broke things off with him and told him I don't want to talk to him ever again.

[Confusedchica]

So an update. I saw him tonight and we talked about the situation. He said he ignored me because he wanted to leave the situation alone before he got mad. He said the way I came at him was very stupid. We are good now but it's definitely something I'm going to have to work on. He said he would walk away for good if I don't change that because it makes him mad.

[JS84]

And you need to be careful of that mutual friend.

[Confusedchica]

And you need to be careful of that mutual friend.

 

 

 

Yeah I told him I don't want to talk to him anymore

[LifeWasted]

As an old single guy can I give you some sound advice?

 

You are young and probably very social. You have lots of friends.

 

Sit down with pencil and paper (I'm not kidding) and write down the name of every friend and acquaintance you have. Work-wise and social.

 

Put a "1" next to those friends who have proven themselves to be true friends over the years. Long term friends who know you inside and out and have never screwed you over for their own purposes. Those who have stood by you through thick or thin. I think you will find that to be a very small group, maybe only two or three.

 

Then put a "2" next to those people who you would consider "party friends". Those are the types who are fun to hang with, grab a coffee with from time to time, date in groups with, but are not ones you know well enough to be sharing personal issues. This will be a much larger group than group 1.

 

Then mark those as "3" those you would call "fair weather" friends. These are the ones who are occasionally fun to hang out with, but no way in hell would you trust them with personal information. These are the fun crowd that you laugh and sometimes party with but who you know have serious issues with loyalty, selfishness, narcissism and gossip.

 

And the last remaining? These ar people who have burned you in the past. People who,act like friends but are actually snakes. Like the "friend" in your story. Mark those people as people to scuttle completely or do your best to avoid.

 

Now...go have hot makeup,sex with your boyfriend, this instant.

[Confusedchica]

As an old single guy can I give you some sound advice?

 

You are young and probably very social. You have lots of friends.

 

Sit down with pencil and paper (I'm not kidding) and write down the name of every friend and acquaintance you have. Work-wise and social.

 

Put a "1" next to those friends who have proven themselves to be true friends over the years. Long term friends who know you inside and out and have never screwed you over for their own purposes. Those who have stood by you through thick or thin. I think you will find that to be a very small group, maybe only two or three.

 

Then put a "2" next to those people who you would consider "party friends". Those are the types who are fun to hang with, grab a coffee with from time to time, date in groups with, but are not ones you know well enough to be sharing personal issues. This will be a much larger group than group 1.

 

Then mark those as "3" those you would call "fair weather" friends. These are the ones who are occasionally fun to hang out with, but no way in hell would you trust them with personal information. These are the fun crowd that you laugh and sometimes party with but who you know have serious issues with loyalty, selfishness, narcissism and gossip.

 

And the last remaining? These ar people who have burned you in the past. People who,act like friends but are actually snakes. Like the "friend" in your story. Mark those people as people to scuttle completely or do your best to avoid.

 

Now...go have hot makeup,sex with your boyfriend, this instant.

 

This is a VERY bright idea seriously id like to share this