So this coworker confessed he has a crush on me ....

[JohnsonBaby]

He clearly expressed the desire of having an affair with me ,he s married ,I m not but I really don't want any drama he constantly gives me the "lustful" look ,I like the attention but I m not intersted in pursuing an affair ,especially with a coworker ,that's just off limits.

,I made the mistake of being flirty with him once and I m afraid he got te wrong message ,I ve been cold towards with him since then and last week he came out with the "I can't stop thinking of you " line .he s coming at me stronger than before . How do I stop this without making things akward between us?

[d0nnivain]

the co-worker part is what you find awkward? No. The married part is awkward.

 

 

The next time he mentions it, you get him somewhere out of other's earshot (notice I didn't say alone). You say,

 

thanks I'

m

flattered but not interested. In another time & place maybe but I don't date co workers & I really don't date married men. Can we just forget this & go back to our professional interactions?

 

The you simply only deal with him about work stuff.

[PegNosePete]

Yep what donnie said. And if he doesn't get the message, you go to HR. But since you were flirty back at first, it would be reasonable to spell it out to him before going thermonuclear on him.

[stillafool]

I would also suggest that you get your 'attention fill' from men you don't work with. dOnnivan is right, tell him what she said today and nip this in the bud.

[Redhead14]

He clearly expressed the desire of having an affair with me ,he s married ,I m not but I really don't want any drama he constantly gives me the "lustful" look ,I like the attention but I m not intersted in pursuing an affair ,especially with a coworker ,that's just off limits.

,I made the mistake of being flirty with him once and I m afraid he got te wrong message ,I ve been cold towards with him since then and last week he came out with the "I can't stop thinking of you " line .he s coming at me stronger than before . How do I stop this without making things akward between us?

 

It's already awkward and it doesn't matter. Why is creating awkwardness more important that compromising your professionalism, you job and having your morals tested? The next time he approaches you and says anything untoward, you make it clear that you are not interested and tell him he needs to remain professional with you at all times and tell him that he's making you uncomfortable and that any behavior from him that is not about the job and professionalism will be reported to your supervisor.

Edited March 20, 2015 by Redhead14

[No Limit]

the co-worker part is what you find awkward? No. The married part is awkward.

 

 

The next time he mentions it, you get him somewhere out of other's earshot (notice I didn't say alone). You say,

thanks I'

m

flattered but not interested. In another time & place maybe but I don't date co workers & I really don't date married men. Can we just forget this & go back to our professional interactions?

The you simply only deal with him about work stuff.

 

Exactly this. If he doesn't get it, talk to whoever is higher up the hierarchy than him.

[smackie9]

When you ignore him, you are making yourself more of a challenge to him which increases desire.

 

I agree to tell him to back off, but please do report it. If you don't he's going to continue.

[whichwayisup]

He clearly expressed the desire of having an affair with me ,he s married ,I m not but I really don't want any drama he constantly gives me the "lustful" look ,I like the attention but I m not intersted in pursuing an affair ,especially with a coworker ,that's just off limits.

,I made the mistake of being flirty with him once and I m afraid he got te wrong message ,I ve been cold towards with him since then and last week he came out with the "I can't stop thinking of you " line .he s coming at me stronger than before . How do I stop this without making things akward between us?

 

He isn't your friend so don't worry about the awkwardness, just do your job and ignore him. It IS awkward, he's creating this atmosphere.

[Redhead14]

the co-worker part is what you find awkward? No. The married part is awkward.

 

 

The next time he mentions it, you get him somewhere out of other's earshot (notice I didn't say alone). You say,

 

thanks I'

m

flattered but not interested. In another time & place maybe but I don't date co workers & I really don't date married men. Can we just forget this & go back to our professional interactions?

The you simply only deal with him about work stuff.

 

Don't tell him you are flattered. That will stroke his ego. Do not give him any form of validation. The statement above does not deal with the situation with the assertiveness it requires. You TELL him that your interactions with him will be nothing more than professional. And, don't take him aside if there are other people around. You want others to know that this situation exists. I'm not saying scream it, make the statement and move away.

 

Taking him aside sends the message that you are willing to keep this a secret on some level and won't discourage him from approaching another woman, and he likely has anyway. Don't support secretiveness. You should set the precedent and example for the benefit others.

Edited March 20, 2015 by Redhead14

[d0nnivain]

Don't tell him you are flattered. That will stroke his ego. Do not give him any form of validation. The statement above does not deal with the situation with the assertiveness it requires. You TELL him that your interactions with him will be nothing more than professional. And, don't take him aside if there are other people around. You want others to know that this situation exists. I'm not saying scream it, make the statement and move away.

 

Taking him aside sends the message that you are willing to keep this a secret on some level and won't discourage him from approaching another woman, and he likely has anyway. Don't support secretiveness. You should set the precedent and example for the benefit others.

 

It depends on the outcome the OP desires. If she wants to make a feminist point & be seen as a trouble maker who can't manage interpersonal relationships in the work place, by all means she should make a big scene & rant & rave in public as her very 1st attempt to resolve the situation.

 

If we give the guy the benefit of the doubt that he was responding to the flirting she admittedly started because she likes the attention, telling him no in a gentle polite manner is sufficient if it makes the unwanted behavior stop. As I understand the situation the OP has not tried the polite approach yet. Until she does, there is not reason to call more attention to herself or him.

 

Unquestionably if she tells him to stop & he doesn't then the gloves come off. But what is so wrong with trying the nicer approach 1st?

 

I don't understand people who feel compelled to throw gasoline & a match on an already incendiary situation.

[Redhead14]

It depends on the outcome the OP desires. If she wants to make a feminist point & be seen as a trouble maker who can't manage interpersonal relationships in the work place, by all means she should make a big scene & rant & rave in public as her very 1st attempt to resolve the situation.

 

If we give the guy the benefit of the doubt that he was responding to the flirting she admittedly started because she likes the attention, telling him no in a gentle polite manner is sufficient if it makes the unwanted behavior stop. As I understand the situation the OP has not tried the polite approach yet. Until she does, there is not reason to call more attention to herself or him.

 

Unquestionably if she tells him to stop & he doesn't then the gloves come off. But what is so wrong with trying the nicer approach 1st?

 

I don't understand people who feel compelled to throw gasoline & a match on an already incendiary situation.

 

He is the troublemaker and there is no reason to deal with an impolite situation with politeness. I am not suggesting she have some kind of out of control rant. She needs to drive her point home. If he has the nerve to approach her and make an untoward or suggestive comment when other people are around, he is counting on her to not address it because she's embarrassed or wants to keep it a secret. I'm not telling her to go up to him first and when other people are around.

 

In addition, she is making a statement herself directly to him first and doing him a favor by not just going to her supervisor or human resources first.

 

I'm telling her to address it the very next time he does it no matter where they are and whether or not there are other people around.

[Darren Steez]

He clearly expressed the desire of having an affair with me ,he s married ,I m not but I really don't want any drama he constantly gives me the "lustful" look ,I like the attention but I m not intersted in pursuing an affair ,especially with a coworker ,that's just off limits.

,I made the mistake of being flirty with him once and I m afraid he got te wrong message ,I ve been cold towards with him since then and last week he came out with the "I can't stop thinking of you " line .he s coming at me stronger than before . How do I stop this without making things akward between us?

 

Sorry to be harsh, but no really means no. Tell him straight up you're not interested. Things are going to be awkward anyway..what's worse being awkward or his wife hurting somewhere?

[JohnsonBaby]

It depends on the outcome the OP desires. If she wants to make a feminist point & be seen as a trouble maker who can't manage interpersonal relationships in the work place, by all means she should make a big scene & rant & rave in public as her very 1st attempt to resolve the situation.

 

If we give the guy the benefit of the doubt that he was responding to the flirting she admittedly started because she likes the attention, telling him no in a gentle polite manner is sufficient if it makes the unwanted behavior stop. As I understand the situation the OP has not tried the polite approach yet. Until she does, there is not reason to call more attention to herself or him.

 

Unquestionably if she tells him to stop & he doesn't then the gloves come off. But what is so wrong with trying the nicer approach 1st?

 

I don't understand people who feel compelled to throw gasoline & a match on an already incendiary situation.

 

I haven't started the flirting ,this has been an ongoing thing for months ,up to know it was very subtle like eye contact and little smiles ,nothing verbal . only flirted back once ,I don't even think I crossed the line at all ,there were no

sexual innuendos .i guess perhaps he thought i found him "Intersting"

I will be direct with him and just tell him I m not intersted and apologize if I have given the impression that I was somehow intersted in an affair .

Edited March 20, 2015 by JohnsonBaby

[JohnsonBaby]

It depends on the outcome the OP desires. If she wants to make a feminist point & be seen as a trouble maker who can't manage interpersonal relationships in the work place, by all means she should make a big scene & rant & rave in public as her very 1st attempt to resolve the situation.

 

If we give the guy the benefit of the doubt that he was responding to the flirting she admittedly started because she likes the attention, telling him no in a gentle polite manner is sufficient if it makes the unwanted behavior stop. As I understand the situation the OP has not tried the polite approach yet. Until she does, there is not reason to call more attention to herself or him.

 

Unquestionably if she tells him to stop & he doesn't then the gloves come off. But what is so wrong with trying the nicer approach 1st?

 

I don't understand people who feel compelled to throw gasoline & a match on an already incendiary situation.

 

I haven't started the flirting ,this has been an ongoing thing for months ,up to know it was very subtle like eye contact and little smiles ,nothing verbal . only flirted back once ,I don't even think I crossed the line at all ,there were no

sexual innuendos .

I will be direct with him and just tell him I m not intersted and apologize if I have given the impression that I was available for an affair .

[kendahke]

If we give the guy the benefit of the doubt that he was responding to the flirting she admittedly started because she likes the attention.

 

Expressing his desire to have an affair with OP strips away any giving of benefits of doubts.

 

Whether or not she flirted first is non sequitur. HE knows he's married. HE knows he's being inappropriate to his wife and the esteem of his marriage and disrespectful to OP and their professional environment by saying/doing what he has.

[d0nnivain]

Expressing his desire to have an affair with OP strips away any giving of benefits of doubts.

 

Whether or not she flirted first is non sequitur. HE knows he's married. HE knows he's being inappropriate to his wife and the esteem of his marriage and disrespectful to OP and their professional environment by saying/doing what he has.

 

That's a reason to ruin his marriage not his career.

 

The OP has to do what she thinks is best in her situation.

 

As a person who has dealt with complaints like this -- meaning I'm the person who had to straighten it out, conduct an investigation or determine of somebody had to be fired, my report back to the higher ups was always more favorable to the complaining person if they told me they took at least one stab & getting the unwanted behavior to stop before bringing it to my attention. This is work, not kindergarten. At work, you stick up for yourself & you deal with things in a professional manner, which usually involves discretion at work.

[preraph]

You do have to remind him he's married and that it ain't gonna happen and tell him you don't want people talking.

 

I had a weird relationship with one of my bosses who was married. He was an intimidating person and I gave him a lot of grief, which he probably interpreted as flirting. He was happily married. One day he knew I was looking for a new apartment and started asking how much could I afford for a place, suggesting maybe he could buy an investment property and let me rent it, which sounded great. But then he started adding in conditions jokingly, like "and I'd have a key" and I said, "No, your WIFE would have the key." And he got a little huffy and nothing came of it. It was a bit awkward.

 

You have to shoot him down.

[SSM3]

Sorry to be harsh, but no really means no. Tell him straight up you're not interested. Things are going to be awkward anyway..what's worse being awkward or his wife hurting somewhere?

 

Sorry it's off the subject, but up the Arsenal