Jabroni23 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Backstory Met my girlfriend at the gym (she works at the gym) Been going out for 9 months Very beautiful Found out early in the relationship her "number" 12:1 (me only having 1 partner) She's 21, I'm 28 Jealousy In the recent months, I find myself getting extremely jealous and insecure. I wasn't this way in the beginning, I was extremely confident in myself until recently. Some of the things that make me jealous have to do with her male customers at the gym. Naturally, she's a flirt, and I've told her how uncomfortable it makes me when she does it. She says she doesn't know when guys flirt with her which is the sore thorn poking at me. This is one instance. Another instance is her "brother". Backstory on this is that my girlfriend is Asian and this older 'brother' is white (he's 30). I have no problem up until this guy texts my gf late in the evening while she does her studies. She's really obsessed in getting a 4.0 gap at her university and I feel when this guy txts it takes away from our evening. I make it a point to not bother her while she studies. The faster she's done, the faster she comes to bed with me. One night, she talked about how successful he is, saying he's an entrepreneur, about to buy a house, and makes money. I'm uncomfortable when we hang out and how he hugs and kisses her on the cheek saying "love you". It may be all in my head but I don't know. Just last night she told me a kid in her class wants her to tutor him for finance. She says it'll be good for networking and such, then she slips in that it'll be a group setting. I have many more instances that bother me but want your guys' advices on how to fix my jealousy. I know it's me and not her...but would any of you feel this way if it were to happen to you? Link to post Share on other sites
TexasMan68 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Find out why you have no self confidence and you'll fix your jealousy. She's with you for a reason so fix it before she get tired of it and sends you packin. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jabroni23 Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 I know it's all me, but at the same time just want to know what I can say to her 1 Link to post Share on other sites
johncarl Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I think first and foremost that you need to figure out why you lack self-confidence. It could be a lot of things - it may be romantically-related, it may be work-related, it could be something else. It sounds like your gf is very self-confident. I don't think it's your gf's actions that are making you worried and self-conscious, but something inside of you. In terms of what to tell her.....that's a tough one. I mean you want to be honest and share to some extent that you're insecure. Honestly - therapy can be really helpful. Therapy is underrated for some reason. Figure out what it is that is making you insecure and work on believing in yourself more. For starters - this amazing young woman chose you. She sees all kinds of guys at work that are probably really great looking, and she chose you. Maybe you need a little reassurance and it's okay to seek reassurance from a partner. Ask her what she likes about you. Some people need "strokes"/compliments/affirmations and that's not a bad thing at all. There is a site called five love languages - google it, then check it out and do the quiz. You'll learn some things about yourself. And it is helpful to do this like positive self-affirmation. That stuff is way underrated too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Moneymann Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 She is 21 and have 12 ex. That is not a crazy number. However the feeling of jealousness and flirting is a problem at this early stage. You have 1 in your score and is she the 1st? Eitherway if you stop thinking of the long term and enjoy the present. Look at it this way she got good experience ###%. As for the study. That kid is diffinitely after something. If you feel something is wrong then some is wrong. Take my first advise and just let her rack up the score. Time sharing is not always bad 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jabroni23 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 I was engaged to my high school girlfriend which ended two years ago. I was with her for 13 years and she was my first. I know this is a battle within me and don't know where to begin. I hear therapy is a waste of money...maybe I'm with the wrong girl? We are in love...it's just the fact that there are guys after her and it gets me worried due to her commenting she has no idea if someone is flirting with her. Social media is the devil. There's this one guy in particular who posts how beautiful she is on her modeling headshot photos. She snapchat stories quite a bit and I don't want to sound controlling, but some of the stuff she posts make me feel uneasy. For instance she'll post a quick selfie snap and whatnot. I know guys follow her on her social media at the gym and my head can't push out the negativity that she's posting these to get attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Price2Play Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) The past is the past why are you asking her how many guys she's banged? 12@ 21, haha ride the wave with this 1 buddy. Cut this jealousy & insecurity act out real fast. She will sense it & drop you, to find a more confident guy. You know this will not be hard for her to do. You keep doing this & it could turn into a trust issue too. It's too late in the game to set any boundaries (you never actually use the word) and she's young she would probably ignore them anyway. Remember actions speak louder than words. Is this "brother" of hers really an ex? This just sounds strange, I have 4 sisters and rarely call them up to just "chat". Edited March 6, 2015 by Price2Play 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Moneymann Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Social media like facebook have cause many divorce/cheating spouse. It ia total sick ****. You have made one bad decision after another. Your first high school gf shouldnt last that long. Now you are repeating yourself. Imagine owning same Car all your life. Keep those bitches at short lease and you wont be emotionally hurt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 She knows she can have all these other guys, yet she chose YOU! I know you can't force your mind to believe that, so here's an advice... A lot of relationships go on routine after X years. Because both sides take the other side for granted and they do not invest so much in the relationship as they did in the beginning. So, you got yourself a "present". You just can't take your GF for granted because of her "fans". You must make constant efforts to love her, to satisfy her needs, to pay her attention. So, this constant threat that buzzing you from outside, may be the formula to a very long love story between you two. Be proud of her. If you can't - it's a sign for you to seek for a much less successful GF, which is not so pretty and popular. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kenji_t Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 This will sound weird, but watch American Dad: When a Stan Loves a Woman. It's the 16th episode of Season 3. This is totally related to what you're feeling now, and about what I felt when I started dating my now-wife. We met in college and we started going out on my 4th year. She's been with countless guys and it bothered me to no end at first. That episode gave me some insight about this and after all I managed to overcome this dumb feeling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Moneymann Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 i agree with long term relationship becoming very routine. Men wants sex and woman wants passion. When she feel passion is some one else in facebook she will cheat. Keeping up not being routine is very difficult when you have responbilities and career. This is why some never choose to get married. Look at divorce rate aftet 10 years. Many of those that are stay together are becuae of needs Dont take my advise directly. Do research on statistics Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jabroni23 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 Thanks for the reply' guys. Day 1 of work starts today Link to post Share on other sites
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