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I feel like I'm not worth it


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I met a guy that just got out of a 7 year relationship. He took me out on dates, and we did have sex. He texted me every day and he told me he liked me a lot. One day he was acting distant and said "we need to work on your throat skills. it's called deep throat for a reason." I was hurt and stopped answering him that day and then things seemed to get a little better. Then he started acting distant again and wasn't answering me, so I went crazy and texted him 50 times. He told me he was done with me, but about a week later I reached out to him and we grabbed lunch. He told me he missed me and he paid and we didn't have sex. A few days later he told me he doesn't want a relationship, doesn't know what he wants and doesn't wanna lead me on. I asked if he had feelings for me and he said "I did have feelings, not gonna sleep with someone I don't have feelings for." About a week later I had a weak moment and asked if he wanted to have sex. Before we met up he seemed hesitant and said "I want to so badly but I don't want you throwing it in my face that all I wanted was sex from you." and then he said "I don't want you thinking this is anything more than what it is." We met up and had sex and then he asked me to go to lunch. He holds my hand and then was kissing me in the street. The next day I asked him to meet up and have sex and he said "can't have class" so I said "when can you" he said "Idk shay I'm in class can't really talk." So I asked if he wanted to still have sex with me in general, and he never answered. Later that night I apologized for even asking and he said "it's ok babe." it's been over a week and I haven't heard from him.

 

1. was he just using me for sex or did he have any feelings for me?

2. why isn't he contacting me and will he ever contact me again?

3. did he not want a relationship in general, or is this my fault and he doesn't want a relationship with me?

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Have you read the replies to the first time you posted this?

 

You'll learn more by reading replies and interacting with those here trying to help you rather than posting the same thing four times without going back to it.

 

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/511964-he-just-using-me-sex-whole-time-updated

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Sometimes a guy can be really into you initially, only for his feelings to fizzle out.

 

A lot of the men who fall the hardest can also burn out the quickest too - their interest can be huge, only to fizzle out once they get to know you!

 

I have had men that had fireworks and great chemistry with me initially; sure they were really into me - until they got to know me better.

 

Or maybe he was never that keen on you and only ever viewed you as a sex prospect.

 

He doesn't want a relationship with you NOW - so he is not that into you NOW, so stop texting him, stop talking to him and definitely do not accept bread crumbs.

 

When my guy I recently finished with comes into town, no way am I going to have sex with him or be more than his friend (once I am totally indifferent, even just to be "friends").

 

Offering up sex to him made you look desperate and he tried telling you that yes he wants sex but he doesn't want you to go mental at him and text him 50 times again when he ONLY proves to want sex.

 

When a man tells you who he is, believe him; this guy blatantly TOLD you that hey, he just wants sex and he doesn't want you to get nutty at him when he gets it.

 

A guy who was truly into you would pursue you and want a relationship, ultimately. Never listen when a guy says " I don't know what I want". Men know what they want - and when they see it (in a woman), they DO go after it. Players stop playing when they meet a girl that knocks their socks off.

 

Don't talk to him again. At best - you will get sex and cuddles.

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Sometimes a guy can be really into you initially, only for his feelings to fizzle out.

 

A lot of the men who fall the hardest can also burn out the quickest too - their interest can be huge, only to fizzle out once they get to know you!

 

I have had men that had fireworks and great chemistry with me initially; sure they were really into me - until they got to know me better.

 

Or maybe he was never that keen on you and only ever viewed you as a sex prospect.

 

He doesn't want a relationship with you NOW - so he is not that into you NOW, so stop texting him, stop talking to him and definitely do not accept bread crumbs.

 

When my guy I recently finished with comes into town, no way am I going to have sex with him or be more than his friend (once I am totally indifferent, even just to be "friends").

 

Offering up sex to him made you look desperate and he tried telling you that yes he wants sex but he doesn't want you to go mental at him and text him 50 times again when he ONLY proves to want sex.

 

When a man tells you who he is, believe him; this guy blatantly TOLD you that hey, he just wants sex and he doesn't want you to get nutty at him when he gets it.

 

A guy who was truly into you would pursue you and want a relationship, ultimately. Never listen when a guy says " I don't know what I want". Men know what they want - and when they see it (in a woman), they DO go after it. Players stop playing when they meet a girl that knocks their socks off.

 

Don't talk to him again. At best - you will get sex and cuddles.

 

This is true.

 

Also, you can't complain about being used for sex. You kind of put yourself out there and offered it up to him like that.

 

If you're fine with a FWB relationship, continue. It will NEVER be more than that.

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I was watching a video yesterday on youtube on the askchazzellis channel and he addressed what guys do after they've "smashed", as he puts it. He said something to the effect of before you have sex with a guy, you have pretty much all the power. It's in your best interests that he takes the time to find out about who you are in the absence of sex because once you have sex, he will begin focusing on the things about you he doesn't like. If he took the time to get to know you first, he is more likely to overlook your idiosyncrasies and the things about you which he might not like. If sex happens before your warts have come on display, then he is more prone to decide it's something he doesn't want to deal with and he cuts you off. I didn't come up with that--take it up with Chazz Ellis on his facebook page.

 

A guy who has just come out of a 7 year relationship and hasn't done anything but get up under another chick is a guy who hasn't done the required work to process out his feelings for the demise of his relationship. You were just a rebound that he kept off balance and unsure of where she stood.

 

I don't believe he was using you for sex. You were offering sex to him and he was going to smash... had it been you or any other chick, apparently. You can't sex a man into a relationship, that much is clear.

 

He's not contacting you because he told you he doesn't want to lead you on. Contacting you would be doing exactly that.

 

he's not in a place to enter into a new relationship. His actions would be plain if he was in the headspace for a new relationship. What he has shown you, clearly, is that all he wanted to do was smash and dash.

 

Chalk it up to a learning experience. Might want to not go after guys who have not had a significant amount of time since their break up went down. They're still dealing with all that.

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Actually, plenty of men who just got out of serious relationships are perfectly ready to embark on a new one with a girl who they are really interested in.

 

A divorce is different... They need a year or two, research suggests and there is plenty of anecdotal evidence that recently divorced men AND women - they need time to process their failed marriages....

 

Chances are, when a man is freshly out of a long term relationship with a woman he just wasn't crazy about - meets a girl he IS crazy about - he will give her the time of day and at least get to know her and date her seriously, albeit he may move slowly due to his recent break up.

 

He just wasn't that into the OP - if he met a girl he was excited about, he would likely date her. Ask her on dates, text or call her most days and generally want her in his life on a regular basis.

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The intensity of care,love and affection a guy shows to you is very high in the beginning of the relationship,and then it slowly starts decreasing.This is the lesson i learned from my life.Sometimes,the guy starts taking the girl for granted or sometimes he starts to get bored or in worst cases one is not enough for him. In your case,looks like he started the relationship with you as a rebound but then may be eventually he fell for you(i can guess that from holding your hands and kissing on the streets part),so its clear that sex is not all that he wanted from you. But what i learn from the recent state of your relationship is may be one of your gesture(without you knowing)has pissed him off or was a big turn off,its clear that he is trying to distant himself from you,or may be he has lost the feelings for you or may be he is seeing somebody.

 

But whatever the case is,YOU SHOULD STOP SEEING HIM.

You surely deserves someone who accepts who you are and love the complete you i.e you in good times and you in bad times.

I know its hard to just loose someone like that and act like he is nobody to you.But its worth it because this relationship is so toxic that the sooner you get out of it the better it is.

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He is still emotionally attached to his last relationship and is still sorting out his feelings. Adjusting to not having someone in your life anymore can be devistating and does take time to get over. He's wanting space because he knows he can't fulfill any expectation of a relationship at this time.....his head isn't at a good place yet, so stop pushing him, he doesn't want any drama and I don't blame him.

 

I suggest you take a break, and date other people that are emotionally available.

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