acronym Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 my boyfriend went to his friends house who had a date, and my boyfriend was trying to be his wing-man or smt. they drank quite a bit and the date of his friend ended up kissing my boyfriend and taking of his and her shirt . he was drunk and was confused about what was happening he kissed her back but then he pushed her away, when he realized what was happening. a week after this happened he told me the truth, he didnt want to tell me before because i had my finals and he didnt want to ruin my grades. he lives quite far from me so there is now way i could have found out on my own if he hadnt been honest. he feels terrible and he even did terrible on his exams because of how lost and guilty he felt. he is trying to make it up to me. I thought i would never ever forgive a cheater, but im thinking about it. He wasnt conscious of what was happening and when he was he pushed her away. Is this cheating? and if yes does he deserve to be forgiven? Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Its cheating. For sure. Who's to say it didn't go further and he's holding back to not hurt your feelings? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sm2281 Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 my boyfriend went to his friends house who had a date, and my boyfriend was trying to be his wing-man or smt. they drank quite a bit and the date of his friend ended up kissing my boyfriend and taking of his and her shirt . he was drunk and was confused about what was happening he kissed her back but then he pushed her away, when he realized what was happening. a week after this happened he told me the truth, he didnt want to tell me before because i had my finals and he didnt want to ruin my grades. he lives quite far from me so there is now way i could have found out on my own if he hadnt been honest. he feels terrible and he even did terrible on his exams because of how lost and guilty he felt. he is trying to make it up to me. I thought i would never ever forgive a cheater, but im thinking about it. He wasnt conscious of what was happening and when he was he pushed her away. Is this cheating? and if yes does he deserve to be forgiven? If it is a serious relationship I wouldnt say he cheated, but it is very disrespectful and forgivable, but depending on your seriousness with him. I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with a dude who was goign to wing man with his buddies like that. . . . . Link to post Share on other sites
Author acronym Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 if he didnt want to hurt my feelings he wouldnt have told me anything from the start, and as i said he couldve just lied to me and could not have the wiser, so yh. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 if he didnt want to hurt my feelings he wouldnt have told me anything from the start, and as i said he couldve just lied to me and could not have the wiser, so yh. Oh honey, you don't really believe that, do you? He told you to clear HIS conscious, not yours too! The fact that he fessed up does show he has a bit of a heart, But I'm willing to bet more happened, and that's just the start. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 He wasn't aware of what was happening? So how does he accurately remember what happened? Yes, that's cheating in my books. And he knew what he was doing. He could very well feel guilty and regret it now, but don't let him trick you into thinking he didn't realize what was going on. Yes, he told you and that was the right thing to do. But keep in mind that you might not be hearing the entire truth either. For me, it's a dealbreaker. It depends on where you draw your boundaries. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author acronym Posted December 31, 2014 Author Share Posted December 31, 2014 Thank you for the advice. I guess what u r saying might be true. However, some things I do know about my boyfriend includes the fact that he gets very confused if he drinks, and I've seen it happen.and afterwards he does remember everything so I do believe that part that he was confused about the situation. As for the I'm not hearing the whole story ur right I might not be, and I'm gonna try finding out if he is still hiding smt. However if he is not and he told me the whole truth, then what do I do??? Link to post Share on other sites
lauren13 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I'm never ever buying the "I was so drunk I didn't know what was going on..." - if you can't handle yourself when you drink, then don't drink - simple. It's just a cheap excuse imo. If he pushed her away immediately once she kissed him, it'd be fine ..but he waited the time for her to take both of their shirts of AND kissed her back?? ...donno. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author acronym Posted December 31, 2014 Author Share Posted December 31, 2014 thats what i told him how could he let it go that far?!?!?! he just said it didnt last long she directly did the move to remove their shirts. he just kept saying he wasnt thinking straight and he was confused and he even admits being drunk isnt an excuse. he pushed her away as soon as he realised what he was doing. but he just needed tell me the truth because it was the right thing to do, and he loves me and that i deserve better than him no matter how much he wanted to be the one for me. I told him u can either give up now or try to win me back knowing im going to be a complete bitch to you and that i might not even forgive you. he decided to try to win me back, so hes trying to make it up to me right now. but its still hard to let it go. thoughts????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author acronym Posted December 31, 2014 Author Share Posted December 31, 2014 (edited) im trying to look at what he did as just a huge mistake, but im worried im just telling myself anything to make myself feel better cz i love him so much so i sound like a desperate girlfriend.... I just dont know if what im seeing is just what i want to see instead of whats really going on, or if i am truly seeing this situation clearly. Edited December 31, 2014 by acronym Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 (edited) I would be done with him. I don't buy his line about being so confused he didn't know what was happening. Come on, now! He was so disoriented he didn't know another girl was putting her tongue on his, and removing their shirts..yeah, right. Notice how he puts all the blame on her? I don't think so. If he gets that confused when drinking, he needs to not drink at all. How can you possibly know if his account of his cheating is accurate when he apparently was so messed up? I would bet my bottom dollar you're not hearing the whole story. And this was supposed to be his buddy's date? Your boyfriend acted like a complete tool, to you and his friend. Did he tell his buddy what happened? I wouldn't waste my time dating someone with such poor judgment and so little respect for me and our relationship. He just showed you he's not trustworthy and will stray when opportunity presents itself. Sorry OP, but he's not boyfriend material. Edited December 31, 2014 by ExpatInItaly Link to post Share on other sites
orangetree Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 (edited) I think alcohol is the worst excuse ever. I have been drunk many times in my life and I NEVER cheated on a boyfriend because I was drunk. When you're drunk you're still able to control yourself and if not, just don't get yourself in situations like that. It is definitely cheating. He gets an extra point because he was honest to you and told you. He probably regrets it. BUT how do you know next weekend he's not going to be in another situation like this? Can you still trust him? If it was my boyfriend I wouldn't be able to trust him anymore, even if I wanted to. How far does he live away from you? How often do you see each other and how old are you? Edited December 31, 2014 by orangetree Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 There are pros & cons. What he did was cheating. If she kissed him & he stopped it, he'd be in the clear. It takes a lot to get somebody's shirt off. he had to have cooperated a little. The good news he stopped it before it got completely out of hand and he told you. The other piece of bad news is that this happened when he was drunk. Being drunk isn't an excuse. Before you make a decision about forgiving him, take a long look at how much he drinks. While he's drinking you can't trust him. If you are inclined to forgive him, that's up to you, but if you do decide to try, keep your eyes open & be very suspicious if he wants play wingman for that particular friend any more. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Yes it's considered cheating. If you have self respect you will delete his number and stop talking to him. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 Yes it's considered cheating. If you have self respect you will delete his number and stop talking to him. I think there are different shades of infidelity and its not fair to lump all infractions under the term 'cheating' and then breaking up with them, no matter if it was flirting when drunk at a party or sneaking out of the house to regularly do gangbangs when sober. To me an aspect of cheating should be how much the person relished the experience of being sexual with the other person + if they went out of their way to encourage it or seek it (mitigating circumstances but no absolution). In this the bf I would say enjoyed the flirting and the escalation up to taking of their shirts, but put a stop to it when it came to the physical aspect (supposedly..OP should try verify and make sure its not half truth to help get rid of guilt by her bf). I allow a bit of leeway when the person is drunk, but no way is a free pass when things escalate to full on sex. People tend to have their own guidelines when it comes to acceptable behavior and OP should take on board what other people think but act on how much she feels she was betrayed imo Link to post Share on other sites
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