Am I crazy here guys?

[sfranklin]

Would you ever be comfortable with your girlfriend going to the bar and getting drunk until closing time with a man/girl she claims to have met "a week ago" while you were at work?

 

She DID let me know after I called her wondering where she was that she was at the bar with said guy. This is also the second time she's done this with "new guys." I told her I wasn't comfortable with her doing that the first time, and now this is the second time.

 

What do you think?

[Darren Steez]

Would you ever be comfortable with your girlfriend going to the bar and getting drunk until closing time with a man/girl she claims to have met "a week ago" while you were at work?

 

She DID let me know after I called her wondering where she was that she was at the bar with said guy. This is also the second time she's done this with "new guys." I told her I wasn't comfortable with her doing that the first time, and now this is the second time.

 

What do you think?

 

Why not go with her next time? If it's innocent then she won't mind you coming along. If she protests then she doesn't want you there. Then you let her go without you..permanently

[Try]

She DID let me know after I called her wondering where she was that she was at the bar with said guy. This is also the second time she's done this with "new guys." I told her I wasn't comfortable with her doing that the first time, and now this is the second time.

 

What do you think?

What your girlfriend is doing is called dating. Dating is part of the selection process in finding a mate. Many dates do not involve having sex, especially during the early dating process. With or without sex, dating is cheating if you are in an exclusive relationship.

 

Many couples have relationship boundaries that do not allow for opposite sex friends (OSF). Most that do allow for OSF require that such friends be a friend of the relationship, and require transparency about the OSF relationship. Since you do not know these other man (OM), and she sees them without telling you in advance, she is not requiring them to be friends of your relationship or giving you transparency. Thus she loses the right to claim them as "just friends".

[sfranklin]

Try, thank you for your perspective.

 

Darren, these encounters only happen while I'm at work.

 

I feel I should mention that these men are coworkers of ours(we both work at the same company) but I'm not well acquainted with either of them. Does that make her actions less suspicious, or more troublesome?

[d0nnivain]

One drink . . . OK maybe. 'Til closing . . . there's a problem.

 

 

It does seem a bit more like she's dating since these are new people.

[Try]

Darren, these encounters only happen while I'm at work.

 

I feel I should mention that these men are coworkers of ours(we both work at the same company) but I'm not well acquainted with either of them. Does that make her actions less suspicious, or more troublesome?

The fact that you all work together means that had she wanted to, she would have had more of an opportunity to have you get to know them prior to the two of them closing a bar down together. Her not wanting to do so is more suspicious, but truthfully it does not really matter that much. Forget suspicious when you already have more than suspicion that she is dating other men, and dating other men while in an exclusive relationship is cheating. These encounters only happening when they both know that you will be at work, confirms their intent not to include you.

[Poppyolive]

I think, this is something you are not comfortable with, you've told her once and she's done it again. The question is what do you do from here?

 

You both have to work through this. Compromise on some level. You can't continue feeling like this and she can't continue doing this.

 

I think you need to stick to your bounderaries, standing firm and not waiver. If she doesn't like it or can't abide then you two are not for one another.