Emerald_11 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 (edited) A couple years ago my husband had a crush on the girl who used to cut his hair. He would get a little too happy about getting haircuts. He would also tell his friends in front of me how hot she was --It was pretty hurtful for me because that was during my "fat days" and she is very pretty. I told him once that I really wasn't too happy about how he acted around her and talked to others about her- his excuse was well I'm just trying to help my single friends meet each other...& I'd be like oh please you are no cupid matchmaker and I told him I knew he had a crush on her and he admitted he thought she is pretty...The girl would come to our house to cut his hair and sometimes she cut mine also & our kids hair. One day my husband said he was going to her house for a haircut when I asked why he said well instead of money this time she wants me to fix some stuff around her house & I was like what? & he said "leaky pipes" but at first I thought he said he was going to clean her pipes!!! I told him absolutely NOT its gone TOO far now and you need to get a new stylist to cut your hair from now on. Its totally rude and out of line on her part to ask you to do that. I pointed out it was just an excuse to be alone. She should have called a plummer or handy man out of the phone book for that. (although my husband is handy around the house- he is only allowed to be handy for me/us at our house not for her!!!) He does not have her cut his hair anymore. Every once in a while he will STILL bring it up and complain about his hair cut not being just how he likes it because apparently no one can cut his hair as good as she did....To me his hair looks just fine and handsome & almost the same every time. I just think he is being a whiner when he does that & I ignore it--or roll my eyes. Now that I've thought about it more I don't really know if it was her idea or his idea for him to go to her house. Also he DID still try to call her again after that AND he told me about it. He was upset that she did not answer his calls or call him back. We have had lots of arguments about this issue. His total disregard for my feelings & wishes in order to feel comfortable in our relationship was awful!! I don't know why I put up with it sometimes. I was glad she does not talk to him anymore but wonder if he said or tried anything that possibly made her uncomfortable. What do you all think?? Do you think my initial response was reasonable? Why do you think he continues to remind me about this even after it has been years ago?? - it just makes me feel like crap since he liked someone so much that he cant stop being reminded of her every time he gets a haircut and then he has to remind me also.....it sucks. Edited October 31, 2014 by Emerald_11 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 For one thing, your husband has no regard for your feelings, doesn't respect you, or can acknowledge how inappropriate this whole thing was. He has issues that need to be address, but not with arguments, but through therapy. You need to get into counseling asap. He has obsessive behavior that is a little alarming. It was him that drove this woman away, but he puts the blame on you. This is a form of abuse. If you truly love someone you don't go out of your way to punish someone for something that happened years ago. I suspect he has BPD. He needs help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emerald_11 Posted November 3, 2014 Author Share Posted November 3, 2014 I would not have cared about him going to get a haircut & fixing something if he hadn't have said all that stuff about how hot she is etc....It's one thing to acknowledge an attractive person, it is a whole different ball game when you are saying those sorts of things and then willingly getting involved in one on one situations. It would be like me saying to my husband "the guy in my class is so fine & hot- bye I'm going snowboarding with him." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
April Moon Posted November 3, 2014 Share Posted November 3, 2014 Your husband is in the wrong. I would keep a watchful eye on him. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted November 3, 2014 Share Posted November 3, 2014 Your husband is in the wrong. I would keep a watchful eye on him. Watchful eye makes no difference at this point......he'd already crossed the line multiple times and add on his disgusting comment about going to fix "leaky pipes". He's a total womanizer and has no respect for you OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted November 3, 2014 Share Posted November 3, 2014 Now that I've thought about it more I don't really know if it was her idea or his idea for him to go to her house. Does it matter? If it was her idea, he was open to going to her home. If it was his idea, enough said. Also he DID still try to call her again after that AND he told me about it. He was upset that she did not answer his calls or call him back. We have had lots of arguments about this issue. His total disregard for my feelings & wishes in order to feel comfortable in our relationship was awful!! I don't know why I put up with it sometimes. I was glad she does not talk to him anymore but wonder if he said or tried anything that possibly made her uncomfortable. What do you all think?? I don't know why you put up with such bad behavior too. And how do you know they don't talk anymore? Do you track his every move? Why do you think he continues to remind me about this even after it has been years ago?? - it just makes me feel like crap since he liked someone so much that he cant stop being reminded of her every time he gets a haircut and then he has to remind me also.....it sucks. It's because he has no respect for you and it's his way of being spiteful and hurtful to the one that won't allow him to enjoy his candy. Link to post Share on other sites
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