My huband thinks I'm cheating!

[kmc]

Im new here so please be nice. So ill start my story here. My husband and i have been together for 8 years and we got married last year. We work together (thats where we met) so i basically see him from sun up til sundown. He knows everybody thag i know because everyone i know we work with.

 

The only time we are not together is if our shifts are different which is like once a week, and in the summer and fall he goes fishing every other weekend.

Now Why i posted in the this forum...

 

My husband is always accusing me of cheating on him. I do have a very large crush on jj hardy from the baltimore orioles, but lets be realistic, i dont think im cheating on my husband with jj hardy. We do work with a few guys and yes i do speak to them. But i dknt speak to them any differently than i talk tk the women that i work with. I talk about my dogs, baseball, football, tv shows and work issues.

 

I dont see how that leads to me cheating on him.

The reason i mentioned how we are together all the time is bc dont even know when he thinks i have time to cheat on him!!! We ride to work together, our break is at the same time and the. We come home together.

I will admit that our intimacy has faded a little over the years but i have never been a wild sex crazed fiend. Its not like when we starte dating i was all over him and now im not, its never been like that.

 

He got upset with me today bc he said i was flirting with the one guy at work. What i said to the guy was mmm you like hamburgers, as he was eating a hamburger. I guess thats my cue for hop in my bed with me.

 

I just need advice here on how to make him stop accusing me. Ive never done anything wrong. Ive been a loyal gf and a loyal wife. If anything he could be cheating on me when he goes on his "fishing trips" but i honestly dont think he is bc i TRUST him. Ive never given him a reason to not trust me. As i said yes i do talk to guys at work but where i work you have to talk or elsew day drags. He talks to the ladies at work and i couldnt care less. I know he girls there and i know they wouldnt do anything and i think i know that my husband wouldnt do anything.

Edited October 31, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[SawtoothMars]

He got upset with me today bc he said i was flirting with the one guy at work. What i said to the guy was mmm you like hamburgers, as he was eating a hamburger. I guess thats my cue for hop in my bed with me.

 

Typically this behavior is driven by insecurity. Are you doing or not going anything to make him feel insecure?

 

Also... That kind of banter is typically how I start a conversation with a woman that often leads to heavy flirting. Why did you decide to strike up a conversation with the guy? I assume you spoke first from your statement.

 

I hope this forum can help you!

[PegNosePete]

I just need advice here on how to make him stop accusing me.

You can't make him do anything. He is his own person.

 

It doesn't sound as though you're doing anything wrong. Talking about a hamburger is totally innocent, normal workplace chatter. You need to ask your husband why he is so insecure and why he thinks you are cheating on him. If he can't be logical and give you good, solid reasons then it would be a good idea to see a marriage councillor about it. He clearly has trust issues.

[smackie9]

His behaviour could be an admission of guilt (him being unfaithful, emotional affair or thinking about it). If this just started, you need to see what has changed with HIM. I suggest you examine his activity, cel phone, emails, internet and see. I'm sure he's already stalked you, so stalk him back.

 

I like how some people say there's not enough time for their SO to cheat....you couldn't be more wrong.

[Redhead14]

If indeed there is no evidence for him to think that and he cannot provide supporting evidence, it is likely that he is creating a rift intentionally because he either has or is cheating or he is thinking he wants out and creating the stage. There is no way for me to know that is his case. It is a form of passive/aggressiveness.

 

You will need to speak to him in a non-confrontational way about what his concerns are. If he is feeling insecure for some reason, you will have to address those concerns and modify your behavior if you think he's got a point.

[Georgia2014]

My ex was like that. He constantly accused me of cheating even though we were always together.

 

I think your husband is accusing you of cheating because he doesn't want you to suspect him. He could be doing this out of guilt or to cover up his cheating. I do think based on his false accusations towards you he is guilty in some way of cheating on you. As you said he does go on weekend fishing trips.

[Georgia2014]

I do think you need to stalk him online when he's not there. I would also suggest look at his phone records to see if he's called or received calls from numbers you don't know.

[Chemist]

His behaviour could be an admission of guilt (him being unfaithful, emotional affair or thinking about it). If this just started, you need to see what has changed with HIM. I suggest you examine his activity, cel phone, emails, internet and see. I'm sure he's already stalked you, so stalk him back.

 

I like how some people say there's not enough time for their SO to cheat....you couldn't be more wrong.

 

 

True, but quite cynical. :-/

[Quiet Storm]

The thing is, everyone is bothered by different things. Just because you aren't bothered if he talks to girls at work doesn't mean he has to feel the same way. Different things bother different people, and that's OK.

 

See, men know what other men think about. And an innocent "mmmmm you like hamburgers" is just being friendly from your perspective, but a guy may see that as flirty. So your husband isn't thinking about your intentions only, but how your behavior could be mistakenly interpreted. He doesn't want other men to think you are one of those women that seek attention from men.

 

If your intimacy has faded and you are having flirty conversations and talking about hot baseball players, he's probably thinking that it's not your sex drive that's low, it's just that he doesn't do it for you. I can appreciate a good looking man and can share that with my husband, but I would never advertise I have a "crush", celebrity or not. It sounds immature and boy crazy. Do you tell your husband he's hot, and that you find him attractive?

 

I have been married for many years, and while I will talk to guys at work, I keep it professional and avoid flirty banter. Not because I don't trust myself or my husband forbids me, but because I just don't need to and want to avoid the appearance of me being flirty and seeking attention from men. So again, it's not only your intentions that matter, but how others may interpret it.

 

Marriage is give & take, and while you should never be forced to change or alter your behavior, you should consider his feeling. What is most important to you? Protecting your marriage, or talking to guys at work to pass the time?

 

Also, I think you should put more effort into your sex life. You've "never been a wild sex crazed fiend", but you can always improve and explore new things in your sex life with your husband. If he feels wanted and desired by you, it may go a long way towards making him feel more secure about your relationship. I think he might feel like you are not attracted to him, and that is what could be making him suspect that you are interested in other men.

Edited October 31, 2014 by Quiet Storm

[smackie9]

The thing is, everyone is bothered by different things. Just because you aren't bothered if he talks to girls at work doesn't mean he has to feel the same way. Different things bother different people, and that's OK.

 

See, men know what other men think about. And an innocent "mmmmm you like hamburgers" is just being friendly from your perspective, but a guy may see that as flirty. So your husband isn't thinking about your intentions only, but how your behavior could be mistakenly interpreted. He doesn't want other men to think you are one of those women that seek attention from men.

 

If your intimacy has faded and you are having flirty conversations and talking about hot baseball players, he's probably thinking that it's not your sex drive that's low, it's just that he doesn't do it for you. I can appreciate a good looking man and can share that with my husband, but I would never advertise I have a "crush", celebrity or not. It sounds immature and boy crazy. Do you tell your husband he's hot, and that you find him attractive?

 

I have been married for many years, and while I will talk to guys at work, I keep it professional and avoid flirty banter. Not because I don't trust myself or my husband forbids me, but because I just don't need to and want to avoid the appearance of me being flirty and seeking attention from men. So again, it's not only your intentions that matter, but how others may interpret it.

 

Marriage is give & take, and while you should never be forced to change or alter your behavior, you should consider his feeling. What is most important to you? Protecting your marriage, or talking to guys at work to pass the time?

 

Also, I think you should put more effort into your sex life. You've "never been a wild sex crazed fiend", but you can always improve and explore new things in your sex life with your husband. If he feels wanted and desired by you, it may go a long way towards making him feel more secure about your relationship. I think he might feel like you are not attracted to him, and that is what could be making him suspect that you are interested in other men.

 

 

So you are saying this is all the OPs fault for him acting jealous, and should follow the 1955 How to be a good housewife guidelines ......and she should just accept his poor behaviour for what it is.

[Quiet Storm]

So you are saying this is all the OPs fault for him acting jealous, and should follow the 1955 How to be a good housewife guidelines ......and she should just accept his poor behaviour for what it is.

 

No, I'm saying that the marriage should be treated as it's own entity, to be nurtured, protected and respected. Its not about whose fault it is. It's not about blaming or who's right, it's about being marriage/family centered instead of self centered. Not what's best for me, but what's best for us.

 

Both people should make an effort to have a good marriage. Doing nice things for each other, being considerate of each other's feelings, giving in sometimes...its OK. It doesn't mean you're weak or a stepford wife. Why make everything some power play that puts you against each other? Why such a need to be right or blame?

 

If something is causing your spouse anxiety, and talking to guys at work is not an important part of your life, then I don't understand why you shouldn't do what you can to make your spouse feel better. Is it that much of a sacrifice in the grand scheme of things?

 

It's not all one sided, and he should make concessions for things that bother her. Marriage is give and take. Over the course of their marriage they will each have to lose some battles and make sacrifices for the sake of the marriage.

 

And regarding sex, it's not 1955 to work on your sex life. A sexual connection can be the glue that keeps a couple together during hard times. Sex in marriage helps you feel loved, especially for men. This is not old fashioned, and is not one sided where the wife is always trying to please the husband. It's an effort on both sides to nurture the marriage and your connection to each other.

[angel.eyes]

I would do two things:

 

First, get a better handle on why your husband thinks you might be cheating. We tend to see things from our own perspective. In a relationship, you're a team. You have to try to understand things from the other person's perspective and be willing to compromise if you want a healthy relationship in which both partners feel heard and feel their needs are reasonably met.

 

...

I just need advice here on how to make him stop accusing me. Ive never done anything wrong. Ive been a loyal gf and a loyal wife. If anything he could be cheating on me when he goes on his "fishing trips" but i honestly dont think he is bc i TRUST him. Ive never given him a reason to not trust me.

 

Second, read the Infidelity section! An overwhelming number of betrayed spouses trusted their partners and felt they were incapable of cheating. A cheater (I'm not saying your husband is one) abuses this blind trust.

 

They say the best defense is a good offense. When did he start accusing you of cheating? What changed around that time? I wouldn't suggest to him that he might be cheating. If he is, doing so will simply ensure that he covers his tracks well. Instead, just be more observant. Watch your phone bills, maybe surprise him and accompany him on one of his fishing trips, etc.

[smackie9]

It takes two to tango, and the lack of intimacy is a symptom not the issue. Anywho, it's a no brainer this has to be addressed one on one, counseling, or separation.

[spanz1]

most men wander thru life oblivious to things, until they start to go bad. then they wake up and say WTF???

 

 

So, did you give him any WTF moments? Like rejecting him for sex a lot? or setting up all sorts of social media sites and using them all night long? a lot of girls nights out all of a sudden?

 

 

He might have woken up, realized the marriage/sex is not what it used to be, realized you both are not trying very hard, and becoming suspicious there is someone else.

 

 

So assuming you are NOT having an affair, try showering him with sex. See if that calms his worried mind.

[smackie9]

Did anyone read the part that they are always together? He is the one that goes off fishing. And their sex life has faded a little, which is perfectly normal, not gone from intense to zero. As she has pointed out, nothing has changed in their relationship, except for him being jealous.

 

Throwing sex at him, is probably going to create more suspicion, because that is what insecure abusive people do. Before she changes her behavor, she needs to ask him, why he is acting this way, and what he expects her to do to make things better. Communication is key, for any relationship to sustain itself.