CoolBurn Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 My boyfriend and I got in an argument. Word got around that he was 'talking' or 'flirting' with another girl and as much as I try to avoid things like this controlling my relationship, I did very calmly and straightforwardly ask him what was happening. As he works in journalism his interaction with people is unavoidable and I know quite a few women who are easily flattered. He explained what had happened and we got it over with. Later on, I confronted him about the one-sidedness of our relationship. On numerous times he's expressed his concern and loathing of the situation (if it may come) that someone might start spreading gossip about me and so to prevent this, apparently all my actions have to be well-calculated and my interactions with guys limited (as in my childhood friends can't even give me rides home). If it had happened to me, and someone had gossiped about me, I would be put through a lot of trouble from him and he said it's not true. So I brought up the case with the car rides and he lost his ****, the argument got really ugly and we ended up not talking to each other, which is still going on. What I hate is the fact that he's being awfully one-sided and won't even listen to what I have to say. I don't live my life for anyone but myself, but he's way too concerned with what people will say. And just to clarify, ours is not an issue of trust but rather an obsession with what people will say about our actions in this relationship, and apparently his get justified way more easily than mine. How do I get my freedom back and get him to stop concerning himself with words of mouth without it turning into a full-blown war once again? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 You get your freedom back by breaking up with this jerk. Sorry, OP, but your boyfriend sounds like a total a**hole. I can guarantee you that him deciding who you talk to and how you conduct yourself has zero to do with what others might think about your relationship. It has everything to do with his insecurity and jealousy. He just uses "gossip" as an excuse to justify his controlling and manipulative ways. And unfortunately, you're falling for it. You don't really believe his reasoning, do you? I would've left him a long time ago. If he's not listening to you, it won't ever change. I'd get out now and reclaim what I'd already lost in this relationship, if at all possible. Sounds toxic as hell. One more point - guys like that are very good at spinning the truth and minimizing their bad behaviour. Don't be totally surprised if the rumours you've heard about him being inappropriate with other women are true. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 If you have pointed out to him that you are willing to give him the benefit of the doubt but he doesn't reciprocate, your only option is to vote with your feet & walk away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 I'd say "F that" to that kind of controlling relationship. He knows, no worries. I don't think there's much to confront him about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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