MargeryFlower Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 It has taken everything i have not to message any of the girls he was talking to. After he got caught out i had asked him if he was still messaging girls. He said no God knows what made him think i believe that after all his BS but i had no proof as he was back home..in the country next door. When i found the messages i had saved some of the numbers. I had noticed on whatsapp that one of the girls was always online at the same time as him. It was clear to me that he was still talking to her. I messaged him one day out of the blue and asked him straight ''up are you still talking to G?'' He was like why are you asking? What makes you ask?..he didn't answer my question. I knew he was lying. I told him to just to answer my question. He said NO i asked him what G would say if i asked her. He got all mad because i was ''stalking''. His answer was she would tell me they are talking..I knew it!!! How could he be so dumb? Later that day he called me to tell me he told her that he has a gf. Of course i didn't know what to say because the last thing i would say is i believe you. He sent me some screen shots of the stuff she said to him after he told her. She was saying he was a bad boyfriend and that it was disgusting and he was like her ex and that she didnt even want to know how many other girls he was talking to. I asked him to send me the screenshot of the message where he told her. His first message was that his phone died and she was like oh heeeey and asking for pics he then said i have a girlfriend. He shortend some of the screen shots he did so i feel like there were more messages i wasnt allowed to see. I feel sick wondering why she was still asking him for pics after he literally already destroyed our 3yr relationship a few days before. The messages i had first found (there were only a few because he deleted EVERYTHING off his phone when he came to see me) she asked him to come and see her. By the way she reacted in her messages after he told her, makes me feel like there was a lot more than just ''games''. She really thought there was more. I still think they are talking and i really just want to message her and ask her some questions because i feel like i will never get closure..Any advice? Would it be wrong to message girls i don't know to ask them about him? to find out the the truth? Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Your right it is ruined... as for a woman to ask for pix, makes me think there was a lot of talk or text messages going on. I would think his voice would move her into wanting pix. now here is the issue I see with contacting the OW... is this out of insecurities, or is it just to know what he did with her? Either way, you will never get the answers you are looking for, as it will be a confrontation. Second it won't bring relief as the issue is not from who you are, it is about your man and his untrustworthy actions behind your back. Cut loose the looser, he does not deserve you, let alone you deserve better. Get out of digging deeper only to be hurt even more. Whats done is done, and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MargeryFlower Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 I think i just want to know if he is STILL talking to her..even though he ''promised'' he isn't. I just need to hear it from her because i know he won't tell me the truth. And i just want to know what went on. I mean she knows i exist and she was pretty mad too so i would just like to know what went on between them. He made out that he was messaging all these girls for the attention. It was nothing but attention for him but even if it was that doesn't make this any better. I think i feel even worse because i found out the truth and he saw how hurt i was and he still had the balls to carry on talking to her. He said he didn't know where we stood. I was giving him mixed signals what a freaking joke! The last thing i would have been doing is carrying on talking to the girls that just made me lose the best thing that ever happened to me. I just want to hear it..i know it will hurt but i just feel like it will help me see what an ********* he is. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 MargeryFlower, I am sorry you are in this predicament but, sadly, you will never find out the truth. He's cheated, so ipso facto he's a liar and you can't believe a word that comes out of his mouth. Would it be wrong to message girls i don't know to ask them about him? to find out the the truth? Not "wrong" as such, but a waste of your valuable time. What makes you think they will tell you the truth? I know it's natural to look for answers but the fact he cheated should tell you all you need to know. Please don't chew yourself up wondering about all the why's and wherefores of this - it really isn't worth it. Give him what he wants - let him go to mess about with all the women he wants and let them put up with his cheating ways. Move on, go NC and look for something better because you deserve it. Good luck.x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MargeryFlower Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 It hurts so much. I know i deserve better. I put so much into this relationship. And i let him do what he did to me.. The funny thing is i knew all along that something wasn't right. It was such a relief to find out that i was right. He always got mad at me for not trusting him when all along he was talking to them behind my back. Some days im ok and then other days i just feel like i should message these girls and let them all know what a prick he is. He is lucky i didn't message the girls back when i was reading the messages on his phone. I didn't want to freak out like many woman would have. I didn't go psycho on him or anything. If i woukd have done this to him he would have flipped out. I just feel like i need answers..but like its already been said. I never will get the answers i need. Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I think i just want to know if he is STILL talking to her..even though he ''promised'' he isn't. I just need to hear it from her because i know he won't tell me the truth. And i just want to know what went on. I mean she knows i exist and she was pretty mad too so i would just like to know what went on between them. He made out that he was messaging all these girls for the attention. It was nothing but attention for him but even if it was that doesn't make this any better. I think i feel even worse because i found out the truth and he saw how hurt i was and he still had the balls to carry on talking to her. He said he didn't know where we stood. I was giving him mixed signals what a freaking joke! The last thing i would have been doing is carrying on talking to the girls that just made me lose the best thing that ever happened to me. I just want to hear it..i know it will hurt but i just feel like it will help me see what an ********* he is. The mixed signals thing is a bunch of S@#%! sure he pumped his ego, but something about his connection with you had less emotional ties than you expected. Plus he got carried away with the OW giving him attention that made up for a lack of connection to you. If he had not contacted her, he sure as hell has by now. The only way he is going to learn is if he sees you let him go without a fight. Why... a guy will eat themselves alive wondering WTF happened when their woman gets up and leaves like he was yesterday's news. Thinking he does have feelings for you. If not then you'll be hurt even more when he NC you, as you will know you've been played way too long. Though it will give you a bigger answer than contacting the OW. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MargeryFlower Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 The mixed signals thing is a bunch of S@#%! sure he pumped his ego, but something about his connection with you had less emotional ties than you expected. Plus he got carried away with the OW giving him attention that made up for a lack of connection to you. If he had not contacted her, he sure as hell has by now. The only way he is going to learn is if he sees you let him go without a fight. Why... a guy will eat themselves alive wondering WTF happened when their woman gets up and leaves like he was yesterday's news. Thinking he does have feelings for you. If not then you'll be hurt even more when he NC you, as you will know you've been played way too long. Though it will give you a bigger answer than contacting the OW. Thank you. I know you are right. I just don't know how to deal with this on my own. I feel so lonely right now and don't even have friends where i am to help me out or talk to. I haven't spoken to him much and he has been messaging me asking me if there is someone else and also messaged me on skype yesterday asking why i was always online and asking who i speak to on skype. I know i need to be done with him because i know i will never trust him again. There never will be a future for us. Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Thank you. I know you are right. I just don't know how to deal with this on my own. I feel so lonely right now and don't even have friends where i am to help me out or talk to. I haven't spoken to him much and he has been messaging me asking me if there is someone else and also messaged me on skype yesterday asking why i was always online and asking who i speak to on skype. I know i need to be done with him because i know i will never trust him again. There never will be a future for us. You are welcome... just hate seeing one be so hurt and literally dieing for answers. Go NC with him from now on... no sense in prolonging contact, though it will need blocking him. So yes he has feelings, now it is about teaching him how to respect a woman. Though it will be a lesson for the next girl to test him on what he has learned. Yes, what you feel is normal, and it will take time... the best thing you can do is cry it all out, in letting go. Seems like I'll be repeating a previous reply... don't worry about putting on a weekday face, let yourself go for the weekend if need be. you have a lot to look forward to, enjoy life the best you can, and allow the right man to share you life with, and to be treated like no other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MargeryFlower Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 You are welcome... just hate seeing one be so hurt and literally dieing for answers. Go NC with him from now on... no sense in prolonging contact, though it will need blocking him. So yes he has feelings, now it is about teaching him how to respect a woman. Though it will be a lesson for the next girl to test him on what he has learned. Yes, what you feel is normal, and it will take time... the best thing you can do is cry it all out, in letting go. Seems like I'll be repeating a previous reply... don't worry about putting on a weekday face, let yourself go for the weekend if need be. you have a lot to look forward to, enjoy life the best you can, and allow the right man to share you life with, and to be treated like no other. You are right. I do have a lot to look forward to in life. I need to look after myself and do what i want in life. It is going to be so hard to not to talk to him, i told him when i found out that no matter what happens to us that i would be there for him through all his issues. I want to be there for him still even if it as friends but that i don't think that will work right now. He is going through so much and doesn't really have anyone but i guess he has enough girls who will talk to him lol. Its a weekend of sad music and lots of tears but i already feel better. Thank you for your advice Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Don't. Don't answer the calls, texts, emails... it will only be more manipulation ribboned with truth, half truths and lies. The same most likely will be given by any of the girls he was chatting up as well. Is this fair? Far from it sweetheart. And I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's NOT your fault. Pick up the pieces of your heart and begin mending them back together. The weekend, sad songs and icecream is a good place to start. Next, hit the mall and a a day spa. Rinse and repeat. Get back with good friends and family because they love no matter what and will want to be there for you * ((Hugs)) CiH* Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 You are right. I do have a lot to look forward to in life. I need to look after myself and do what i want in life. It is going to be so hard to not to talk to him, i told him when i found out that no matter what happens to us that i would be there for him through all his issues. I want to be there for him still even if it as friends but that i don't think that will work right now. He is going through so much and doesn't really have anyone but i guess he has enough girls who will talk to him lol. Its a weekend of sad music and lots of tears but i already feel better. Thank you for your advice Girl, no. He doesn't need you for that. He crapped all over you and your relationship, and you want to be the hero and his shoulder to cry on? He clearly didn't care about that when he cheated. Do not play that role in his life. You're not that important to him, I'm afraid. If you were, he wouldn't have done what he did. Sorry, I know it sounds harsh. But you should not be there to help him through his "issues" - by doing so you're giving yourself a reason to hang on. Let go. He has plenty of other girls to talk to if he needs help, evidently. Cut him off. He's a typical player, and I hate to say there are probably other girls you didn't/still don't know about. With a guy like him, there usually are. Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 What ever you think you'll get from talking to these woman.. You wont get it. Perhaps you want them to prove you wrong. Perhaps you want hem to prove you right. But no matter what happens you will not be satisfied with what happens! You'll feel like a creep, crazy and stupid if you contact them. My best advice is MOVE on. I just got out of a relationship with a cheater. I likely got genital herpes from her. I snooped through her phone and found out there were 4 other men. I messaged one and told him about "me". He knew about me and did not care, he then used the me contacting him as a means to make me look bad. It was not until I told him that I have herpes and that he has likely been exposed to it that he changed his tune. He did not believe me until I sent him a picture of my valtrex pills. Even though I "won" i still felt like crap. I also gave her justification for everything she did. Just move on.. Find a guy that adores you and loves you. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Closure is a myth and a fallacy when it comes to relationships. You don't want closure. You don't really want answers. It doesn't matter what she is going to say. It doesn't matter what he is going to say. You won't be satisfied with whatever either one of them tells you. All you know is that he lied and that's all you need to know. Whatever they give you is their version of the truth and you'll never know whether that is the real truth or not... so why does it matter? Closure is just something people invented to make themselves feel better after a relationship. The real "closure" comes from indifference after moving on in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 If you do decide to message her, I would advise not to be hostile toward her. You can always explain that you understand she didn't know about you. If she's been played, she'll probably be more than happy to share what happened with you. As for remaining friend with him, why? How can you call someone who craps all over you a "friend"? While I understand that "friendships" have ups and downs, this isn't it. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Cut him out of your life and let go of this fantasy that some sort of "truth" will help you. It won't even be revealed to you. And why should you care? He's a bastard, you don't need him in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MargeryFlower Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 Thank you for the replys. I was going a little crazy this morning when i posted this..I just wish it wasn't all so hard. I really appreciate all your advice Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Make your signature your mantra whenever some urge to get "the ultimate truth" hits you again. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts