slipped halo Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Hi been in LDR relationship at different unis been together 3 yrs and we do see ourselves together long term. However my bf has not made many male friends on his law course but is really close to a girl and they've loads in common. They are now flat sharing together WITH ANOTHER COUPLE and since they've moved in I've become increasingly jealous to the point where we are now into the 4th week of no contact in the hope this will help us get back on an even keel with our relationship .... was my suggestion . Because I'm so insecure because of the situation I'm driving him away , he says its all innocent but they're out together all the time and Cook for each other etc etc. alsohe never rang whilst she was there it was almost like he didnt want to offend her ? Leading up to this I've felt less important and not priority anymore although he says if he wanted to be with her he would and its me he loves ? How can I compete with someone he sees every day and will he not just keep getting closer to her ?? I'm so upset I really don't want to lose him but feel she's turning his head Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 ..... we are now into the 4th week of no contact in the hope this will help us get back on an even keel with our relationship .... 4th week of No Contact? Darling, he's gone. He hasn't cared enough to make the effort to show you he's a one-woman guy, that woman being you.... Maintaining No Contact is a sure-fire way of drifting further apart, not putting things on an even keel. Hate to say it, but this was never a big-time serious relationship to begin with. Cut yourself loose, because he's already drifting towards another harbour. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
angryguy Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 I'm sorry dear but I don't think it will work between you two as long as it stays long distance. is there any way the two of you can move in together? or move near each other? All relationships need a little physical contact to work even if its just a hug and a kiss Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 He's studying to be a Lawyer. That takes some kind of character and temperament, (I have 2 lawyers in my family, and please believe me, it takes some kind of character. Not everyone can do it, because those who practice Law are self-assured, confident and to an extent, very selfish.) And he's made his mind up. If he had any inclination whatsoever to fight for this relationship, he would have done so long before now. He's laid the matter aside as not sufficiently significant to warrant either his time or attention. It's not worth his while, and he has focused his sights elsewhere. If his room-mate is also studying law, they're already like-minded, aren't they? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author slipped halo Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 Although it's my bday in 2 weeks and he says he wants to see me ... Has already bought my presents ? Does this mean anything ? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 we are now into the 4th week of no contact in the hope this will help us get back on an even keel with our relationship How does a month of not talking put a relationship back on "an even keel?" Your jealousy is driving him away -- but into the arms of someone who is a couple???? You are messed up on multiple levels and these presents that have been bought for your birthday are breadcrumbs. Move on and stay No Contact. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Deciding to go no-contact with a partner is an a*s-backwards way to get back on track in a relationship. That makes absolutely no sense, and it has backfired. I think the title of your thread is misleading, in a sense. It appears to he's already gone. A month of zero contact would indicate to me that it's over. Nobody who truly wants to remain in a relationship would allow that much time to pass without contacting the other person. And no, I wouldn't put much weight into the birthday presents. At this point, they're not terribly significant. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Although it's my bday in 2 weeks and he says he wants to see me ... Has already bought my presents ? Does this mean anything ? No, not really. Friends will do that, won't they? He is probably going to take a guilt-trip.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 4 weeks of NC, he's gone, I agree. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 If he wanted to make your relationship work, he would be bending over backwards to assure you that she is not a problem. He would not ignore you for a month (4 weeks) When this began I can't say for sure whether he was already fooling around with his roommate or if he's just running away from all of your accusations but at this point, birthday presents or no, you do not have a relationship with him any more. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
adam12345 Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 (edited) Wow, everyone is painting a really grim picture... long distance is hard, and often doesn't work because people push each other away and assume the worst. He's busy with school and simply doesn't have time to bend over backwards to convince you of his undying love. If you said no contact, he respected that, and he's obviously talked to you now since he said he wants to see you for your birthday. Now don't get me wrong, it's very possible that he's drifted away, but at least give him the benefit of the doubt. See him in two weeks for your birthday. See what happens. He might want to break up with you in person, or he might renew your faith in him. Either way, if you keep up like this I guarantee you won't last. Edited October 19, 2014 by adam12345 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 To settle this is to see him in 2 weeks and talk about it. There is no point in having strangers speculating on your relationship. It's causing needless anxiety and I don't think that's fair. If it were me I would discuss how inappropriate it is for him to have this woman living with him, doing just about everything like they were dating. How would he feel if you had a guy roommate that you always hung out with, cooked together, etc. I doubt he would appreciate it. IMO when in a relationship there has to be boundaries, and they have to be discussed when things like this come up. Link to post Share on other sites
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