Ken_jiggs Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Hello, I just found out my wife of 20 yrs had multiple affairs over the last 11 yrs. the first was a one night stand with my cousin while we were on vacation while I was sleeping. The second was 2 yrs later with my new sister in laws son at their wedding (brother n sil). Everyone else was asleep but the two of them and some brews. He was only 18 and she was 31. Two yrs later, she meets a guy and begins a friendship even introducing the two of us to each other! It only lasted about 3-4 weeks and he became uninterested. So then I meet a new friend at work. A younger guy about 20-21 that I work with. All of us hit it off as friends. Friends. She then goes to a party at the friends house and sleeps with one of his roommates. One night. Then the 3 of us begin drifting apart and she begins talking to him alone. "he is gay and confuse." I'm told. Seems too much info for me and I back away from the situation. After catching the two of them in ODD situations, I demand she stop seeing him because married women have no place with single men. She agreed and assured me she had cut off communication saying he was getting weird anyway. Fast forward to 2014. Come to find out she had a 2 yr affair with this "gay" ex-coworker of mine. I'm a wreck. I still love her but am beside myself what to do. My friends tell me to cut and run because we don't have kids. wTF do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Smart friends 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 You cut and run. Also, do you have proof of all this? If not, start collecting it in preparation for the divorce proceedings. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
SleeplessIn Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 And get tested for STDs .... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 This is such a horrible story it makes me wonder if its real. On the chance that you are seriously looking for help - here goes. Look my friend, this woman is a disgusting whore who has betrayed and humiliated you time after time. Pick up whats left of your self-respect and get the hell away from her. Call a lawyer tomorrow and file for divorce. Start your life over without being tied to this cheating bitch. Your life will start getting better in every way when you end all contact with her. Do it now!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Divorce, run to a docter to get tested for STDs, then run some more. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 So Sorry that you are going through this.I have been married 22 years. After years of being together its so disappointing to find this out. Don't put up with the bull----. Get tested like others said. I wish you the best big hugs 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Hate to point it out, but you didn't "just" found out. I am wondering what makes you stay. Is it financial? If it's love only, you can find someone else. It's not easy, I agree, but it's got to beat staying married to your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 My friends tell me to cut and run because we don't have kids. wTF do I do? Your friends are right. I can't believe you're even asking the question. And I am sure you didn't just find out. I'm sure you gave her chance after chance. Getting beaten over the head with a mallet, yet asking for more. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Hey Ken, she's a serial cheater; you think she's going to change? No, me either. That should make your course pretty clear. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Yeah dude. Run! Easy for us to say, but trust us. There are folks here that have been through the same thing you've been through. Dude, you're still young and you still have time to start a family. Just don't start one with this woman. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 You need to go see a therapist immediatly. You're in no place to make rational decision that are going to effect the rest of your life. How did you find out about all of this? Cheating is one thing, but your wife has gone way beyond an affair. She has slept with family and friends of yours. She has absolutely no respect or regard for you, your relationships, your emotions or anything else. The only thing this woman cares about is what makes her feel good. She is not capable of being faithful. She never will be faithful to you or anyone. She is in desperate need of therapy and even that might not be effective. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 OP. I hate to say it but you married one btch of a wife. You need to get a divorce and fast. She has absolutely no boundaries. She slept with your cousin, your in-laws, your co-workers and their roomates. She even introduced you to one of her affair partners. She has no respect for you at all. She's a liar. She led a double life and duped you day after day. Think of the millions of little lies she had to tell you to cover all this crap up. I know what your going through. I was with a girl for 9 years and engaged. She had an 8 month affair with my co-worker, friend, and business partner. Looking backwards after that realization I came to terms that she also had several more affairs and encounters during the time we were together. Dont do the stupid thing I did. I tried to work through it with her and forgave her. Every time she would disagree with me over something, even something stupid, she would try to call the guy. She started cheating again (I realized afterwards) and even broke off our engagement on Valentines Day and gave me pair of socks. I was strung along trying to piece our engagement back together for months and when I found out about another guy and was ready to beat his face in she left me at 5:30 in the morning while I was asleep to protect the other guy. When it comes to affairs in serious long term cohabiting relationships there's only one situation that I would now accept. Thats that it only happened once, when they were drunk as a skunk, it was only one night and they came clean about it right away and showed a ton of remorse. Your wife, I'm sorry to say obviously has no remorse at all. Introducing you to her affair partner? She's a sociopath who has zero respect for you and couldnt care less. Been there man. Your brain is probably zipping through all the what ifs. Get out of there, file your divorce papers as fast as you can and resist the urge to figure out if shes seeing someone else while you try to settle the divorce. Stay at a friends place and after some recovery time, have sex with some other woman even an escort to get into the swing of being single. Dont feel guilty about it because your wife has been acting single for a very long time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I still love her No, you don't. You're in love with who you thought she was. For what it's worth, you response is fairly 'normal' for lack of a better term. Of the 5 stages of grief, denial is the first and acceptance is the last. You're in denial of the significance of this event. Your world is destroyed and you're sitting in the devastation of a nuke that she dropped on your marriage. You're grasping at broken pieces everywhere hoping you can somehow rebuild. That's not because of some love for your serial cheating wife. It's because this marriage has probably been the focal point behind every decision you've made for 11 years. You don't know anything else. So you go into damage control mode. You have got to shake that crap off, bro. She's not who you thought she was. One question...how did you find all of this out? Short of a full, voluntary, and unprompted confession on her part, my advice for you is like the others: Run. And your only questions should be about how far and how fast. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
tobrieornottobrie Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I'm so sorry to hear about that, I can't imagine how much you're hurting right now. Have you considered finding a counselor to help you figure out how you're going to navigate this situation? Definitely praying that you will find the right guidance. ~ for the love of food ~ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Yep, your wife is the epitome of trash. Sleeping with your cousin while you are on vacation? I..I don't even know how someone does that. Then she has even more affairs? Yeah, get this trash out of your life asap. Be glad you noticed you had dog sh*t on your shoes before you got it over the entire carpet. Her robbing you of 20 years is bad, but at least you can now get out..some people never find out they are with an utterly horrible human being. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 #1: You kneel and kiss the ground and thank the heavens that the two of you don't have any kids. #2: Go see a lawyer. #3: Prepare for war... I mean, divorce. #4: Be happy that you get a soft reset button on life. #5: Do whatever you want to do in life, the world is your oyster. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 What ever you do keep your chin up. We are all saying a lot of bad things about your wife, but we are doing it in defense of you. No matter what choice you make, no matter how much pain you have, no matter how unbareable that pain might seem, it will get better with time. You're a strong confident man. Just take your time and do what is best for YOU. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bumpin in My Trunk Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 What ever you do keep your chin up. We are all saying a lot of true things about your wife, but we are doing it in defense of you. No matter what choice you make, no matter how much pain you have, no matter how unbareable that pain might seem, it will get better with time. You're a strong confident man. Just take your time and do what is best for YOU. Fixed. Some of these advices are gold. I even quoted the first reply! Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 What ever you do keep your chin up. We are all saying a lot of bad things about your wife, but we are doing it in defense of you. It's not just in defense of him, but just seeing an overall sh*tty person. I see people cheating all the time and while I find them utterly selfish uncaring people I rarely find them to be malicious, but this woman? Yeah, the list of things she did to this guy is sort of like the list of deeds you would find from a comic book super villain whose only super power is adultery. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Not only is your wife a lying cheat, but what is up with your own family? They don't have any morals either! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Off topic but this proves my point that a lot of guys don't have any self control. When sex presents itself they hump, I mean jump on it. Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 wTF do I do? Dude are you for real???? You REALLY have to ask that question? Your friend's told you what to do. Divorce her. Get checked for STDs also. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Read your post to yourself and pretend that someone else wrote it. Chances are you would be telling him the same thing everyone else is telling you. Get out while you still can. Is this the kind of woman you want in your life. That you could be proud of? She's a liar, a cheater, no values and above all else no respect for you so I'll just say, get a lawyer, have her served and move on and don't listen to any type of I'm sorry and another chance. This isn't the first time she cheated and it wont be the last. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Check back in with us, Ken. There is a lot of collective experience here, and folks that would be more than happy to help in any way we can as you process this. Link to post Share on other sites
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