scooter1984 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 thanks for looking as this is my first post, i have been lurking on this site for awhile now reading some post people have made has helped me alittle but i still need some advice and input to what others think. I will try to keep this as short as i can and would love some advice on what to do. I will start this off by saying me and her do have 3 kids together 8,7,11months old. We have been together for 12 years we did split once before for a year. While we was split she found a guy on facebook or he found her dont know the story but i know he has seen her naked and she has seen him naked and they have had some talk that is not pg rated on facebook not sure if they have meet or not as he is in another state. So when we got back together when she got pregnant with the baby after the year split the sex was amazing we kissed cuddled the whole nine yards again, i even made a statement that we have been this good in a long time and happy and she agreed. Well about 5/6 months ago she added that same guy back to her facebook she deleted him and blocked him when we got back together. Thats when all the problems started so i seemed to think, the kissing stopped it was a peck on the lips or cheek nothing more during sex heck sex was down to like once a month and then it was just get it over with and get doggy for her no foreplay nothing. So we was out and was taking pic one day with the kids my cell died so we started using her phone im looking at the pics we just took and after the last one was a picture of her chest which from the time stamp was taking the night before, i asked when did you take this she said last night i was going to send to your email but the baby start crying i was like ok i would of loved the surprise. So while she was in the shower i laid down and got on her laptop which i have done before(didnt want to be at my computer desk as it was a long day). So i downloaded some music went to the downloads folder and i seen a bunch of pics of him that was saved the night she took her picture so i look down alittle more and there is a private picture of him. I ask about it she said anyone could of downloaded that by mistake but its not him or anything. I go to bed and wake up and look again and the picture is gone from the laptop. I know she was deleting pms from him on facebook cause i have seen her delete some she says they are just friends and just talk to each other when they need someone to talk to.She will stay up late while i game alittle and comment on his profile and joke back and forth, i asked why she never puts anything on my profile and always his next thing i know he blocks me. So after all this we split 3 weeks ago,she is in that stage of wearing makeup again and taking new profile pictures of herself and will send me stuff like so and so likes this and telling me screw off. I need some advice on what to do, i would love my family back and we have little kids, what i want is to work it out but im not sure that will happen as i have had to mom into my moms house and stay with her cause she wanted me out of the house.We are also 29 she is and im 30. Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I think my first question to you would be... how did you get to 12 years and 3 kids without making a full commitment to each other? (i.e. marriage) Not judging, because I was in a similar situation. It's what stands out to me. You haven't taken the step to ask her to marry you but you live together and have children together. There has to be a reason for why you've decided not to commit in that manner. In my situation it was because there were lingering doubts as to whether or not it would be the right decision. Ultimately, it ended up being a blessing that we weren't married because he wasn't ready to fully commit to being in a relationship with me. The next thing that stands out is that she's carrying on with some guy on fb instead of paying attention to you. Why is she doing that? Is there something missing in your relationship? It could be any number of reasons but it seems like she's looking elsewhere for attention. It could be that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her, but it's a huge red flag. You say you are staying with your mother because she kicked you out. What do you plan to do next? Do you want to try and make this work? If you do then you need to sit down and have an open conversation with her about where you see this relationship going and discuss why it is that she's looking outside of the relationship for attention. Also should probably consider couples counseling. You do have 3 kids to consider. It would be in their best interest if you two could come together and figure out how to make your relationship work. If you can't, then you can't but you have to try everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Why would you want to stay with trash? This other guy has seen her naked. That is all you need to know man. She doesn't love you or care for you. She doesn't respect the life you have built or her children. Be glad it's only 12 years down the drain instead of 20 or 30. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 The only way you can save you relationship with her is through therapy. But here is the issue, both people have to be committed to fixing their relationship. Which right now it sounds like she is not. If she comes back and wants to try and salvage things. It needs to be on your terms and those terms need to involve couples therapy. You should probably start seeing a marriage and family therapist. So that they can guide you through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scooter1984 Posted September 30, 2014 Author Share Posted September 30, 2014 Thanks for the advice guys/gals. And ye sit is very tough knowing he has seen her. She dont want to work it out but it hard knowing that when i see my kids they run up to me they light up and the baby goes crazy for me going dadadadadada lol makes my day. When we split she said he was nothing more then a friend did i over play this i dont think i did i think he is more then a friend. Its also good to note that the last time we split she wanted me to get help for my ocd,anger issues which i did and got meds for also, i have never put a hand on her we just had some yelling match before. After she had the baby she also had ppd and she didnt take her meds and the rest is history. You can say she is trash and not worth it but to me being a complete family with her and m kids is better then anything i can think of, as my kids mean thew world to me and i dont just want to see them a few times aweek i want them everyday like it used to be.Also this is very hard to put into words so pls bare with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scooter1984 Posted October 1, 2014 Author Share Posted October 1, 2014 I guess im just looking for the truth idk its driving me crazy the more & more i think about it. I just want her to come clean with whatever she did or has done. I guess if its really over i just want closure which might be stupid to some but to me i think its what i need. I mean this person she is now i dont even know who she is, i remember the sweet beautiful ( which she still is) caring loving person i would lean over and kiss on the forehead while she was still asleep before i walked out the door for work. I guess its stupid to share that with you guys but i had to get it off my chest. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Cheaters never tell the whole truth. Stop focusing on her, focus on yourself. Break up and disconnect from her (NOT from the children though), she isn't a GF or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I guess im just looking for the truth idk its driving me crazy the more & more i think about it. I just want her to come clean with whatever she did or has done. I guess if its really over i just want closure which might be stupid to some but to me i think its what i need. I mean this person she is now i dont even know who she is, i remember the sweet beautiful ( which she still is) caring loving person i would lean over and kiss on the forehead while she was still asleep before i walked out the door for work. I guess its stupid to share that with you guys but i had to get it off my chest. Unfortunately if she doesn't want to even work it out I would doubt she'd give you the entire truth. At this point what does she gain from it? It sounds selfish, but that is what cheaters are. Also, she might still be beautiful, but she is hardly still a sweet, caring, and loving person. People like that don't do this. I realize the need for closure, and that is one reason why it angers me to see people telling cheaters to not confess to their partners what they did. Even if you break up..knowing if a person has cheated can hurt, but also make it easier to get over them in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scooter1984 Posted October 2, 2014 Author Share Posted October 2, 2014 Yeah it would be more simple if she would just let the truth out instead of the bs that comes out her mouth. And yes i know Spectre that she is far from sweet or caring now cause if she was she wouldnt have done this. Yes the truth will hurt but nothing can hurt as much as being lied to. Whats weird is that all this facebook being the social network its seems more and more that it is becoming the anti social network cause the people you are close to you lock them out your life for strangers. Link to post Share on other sites
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