My ex logs on to Facebook 4 times a day after she broke up with me?

[onehunned]

Hi all,

 

Me and my ex had each other's Facebook passwords throughout the relationship. When we broke up in June, I changed it. However we kept talking up until 2 months ago, at which point she told me she no longer had feelings for me and wanted me to move on, and she then changed her Facebook password. I was really sad and I know I should've followed the no contact rule but basically I kept messaging her and calling her. She would mostly ignore me but sometimes I would drunk text her and she would ignore, but she sometimes showed interest. I think she liked the attention I was giving her.

 

Anyway, I gave up on her completely and switched my password back because I'm used to it, and I didnt think she'd log on because she said she was over me. I finally stopped messaging her 2 weeks ago COMPLETELY. No texts, calls or anything. A few days ago I started realizing that some of my Facebook messages have been read. I turned on email log on notifications last Saturday and, shockingly, she logged on to my Facebook over 20 times since then (that's 20+ times in 5 days). I wondered if maybe that meant she misses me...I tried logging onto her Facebook and noticed she changed her password back to the old one a week ago.

 

She keeps going on Facebook, even a couple hours ago. But she's the one who told me to move on. Does that mean she misses me? Or is she just checking because she's bored? She checks at least 4 times a day. Should I ask her?

[lolablue17]

Yes, you should ask her because i see you won't let it go, so go ahead and ask her.

 

But be straight. Tell her that you know she logged in many times to your account and if she does it because she has some interest, you can accept that, but if she doesn't than it's not fair.

 

If she has some interest in you, she will probably admit it, and if she hasn't she might deny it was her. but at least you will know where you stand.

[ExpatInItaly]

When you went silent, she wanted to see if you were dating someone.

 

She's your ex. Keep the heck out of each other's FB profiles, or I promise you will be on the straight road to DramaVille.

[onehunned]

Back when I messaged her all the time, she would tell me there's no hope this is ever going to work and that I should move on. So I'm really confused as to why she would even bother checking my Facebook that many times a day (she already checked twice today). I'm confused because either she misses me or she just checks cuz girls are curious...and I'm scared that if I message her I'll break the no contact rule and seem desperate again. If she had some interest though, wouldn't she message me? Or is her pride maybe getting in the way? And by the way, I know for a fact it's her. It's the same IP as on her own account.

 

And by the way, the fact she changed her password back to her old one a week ago..could that suggest that she wants me to check her Facebook as well? I only did once..compared to her 25 times.

Edited September 19, 2014 by onehunned

[SunnySide0418]

Are you in high school?

[Keke1]

Man change the password. Or go crawling back to her to get rejected more and continue the drama. I'm thinking because of how desperate you sound you're going to do the latter.

[ExpatInItaly]

Are you in high school?

 

This?

 

This covert FB-checking seems juvenile and ridiculous, OP.

[PegNosePete]

Change your password and stop stalking her.

[Diezel]

The correct answer is: "Who cares? She's your ex. Move on"

[Chi townD]

You've always given her attention, even when it was unwanted. Then BOOM! Nothing. She got curious on why the sudden change in pattern. This is NOT an indication that she wants to come back. She's just wondering where her ego booster went. She pulled on the leash to see if the dog was still there and discovered the dog was off the leash. She's looking to see where the dog went.

[onehunned]

You've always given her attention, even when it was unwanted. Then BOOM! Nothing. She got curious on why the sudden change in pattern. This is NOT an indication that she wants to come back. She's just wondering where her ego booster went. She pulled on the leash to see if the dog was still there and discovered the dog was off the leash. She's looking to see where the dog went.

 

Even though I want to believe that it is an indication she wants me back, I'm gonna have to completely agree with you on the dog metaphor. I think she just enjoyed the attentionI gave her by messaging her for a over a month after she lost feelings, and when I finally stopped, she began wondering where this confidence-booster went. Hopefully by not reacting to this she might realize that I'm not as weak as I used to be.

 

Does anyone know if this may be an indication that the no contact rule is working/in the process of working?

[Clay]

I would suggest you really just do nothing. Move on with your life. If she decides she wants to be back in your life then the ball will be back in your court and you can choose from there.

 

Clay

[Chi townD]

 

Does anyone know if this may be an indication that the no contact rule is working/in the process of working?

 

 

 

The NC rule is for you, not for her. It's not a tool to get our Ex's back. It's a tool we use to heal and move on from the relationship. Look, you tried several time to get her back and she wasn't moving. So, time to let go and heal from this. Time to put her in your rearview mirror. NC will help you do that.

 

 

The goal for NC is for us to get at a point of indifference. That anytime you think about her, you could give a damn. Like, "Meh...whatever." That's the goal!

[onehunned]

Ya I guess you two are right. If she really wants me she'll message me. I'll keep moving on. Thanks for the help!

[Wings Of Love]

Change your password. I don't think this is a sign she wants you back at all, but if it is then you barring her from seeing into your life may just force her hand.

 

But really, don't get your hopes up. My ex kept logging into my Facebook after he left too, but he never showed any interest in getting me back. They're simply checking what we're up to, and if we're dating.

 

Keep NC going, stay strong!

[Jenmarie]

Honestly, it could be her missing you. Could be curiosity. It could mean absolutely anything. Stick to NC. If she misses you, she will have to make more of an effort than that to win you. Because you deserve someone who goes out of their way to be with you, right? So, don't confront her about it. Do absolutely nothing. Focus on moving on. Stick to NC. Don't give in to false hopes or bread crumbs. Keep focusing on yourself.

[Mizz Layta]

Maybe she is getting curious or could be missing you.I would keep moving forward and let nature take its course

[onehunned]

This is SO hard lol half of you are telling me to be up front and confront her, and if she says she's not interested then to move on, and the other half is telling me that if she really missed she would tell me...I don't know what to do

[BC1980]

She's just curious, nothing more.

[lolablue17]

This is SO hard lol half of you are telling me to be up front and confront her, and if she says she's not interested then to move on, and the other half is telling me that if she really missed she would tell me...I don't know what to do

 

Can you handle a total rejection? even accusations, or even her trying to humiliate you in oeder to blur her curiosity? can you handle that?

 

If you can't - Don't confront her.

[onehunned]

It's obvious that she clearly still cares about me. She could've just deleted me out of her life as soon as I started NC. But caring doesn't mean she wants me back. It's very possible that she's just curious (like all girls).

 

I think I'll just message her next time it happens because staying like this is going no where. I'd rather get the straight up answer of what's going on instead of sitting here and wondering. If she shows interest, we'll talk and if not, then I'll just keep NC and move on.

[ExpatInItaly]

It's obvious that she clearly still cares about me. She could've just deleted me out of her life as soon as I started NC. But caring doesn't mean she wants me back. It's very possible that she's just curious (like all girls).

 

I think I'll just message her next time it happens because staying like this is going no where. I'd rather get the straight up answer of what's going on instead of sitting here and wondering. If she shows interest, we'll talk and if not, then I'll just keep NC and move on.

 

Why are you not changing your password?

[BC1980]

Why are you not changing your password?

 

He likes the validation of her checking up on him.

[onehunned]

Wanted to keep you guys updated.

She went on it another 3 times today so I messaged her asking why and she just didn't answer. So yes, I guess girls are just simply nosy sometimes. At least now I could keep NC and keep moving on.

[Boomshine]

Honestly, it could be her missing you. Could be curiosity. It could mean absolutely anything. Stick to NC. If she misses you, she will have to make more of an effort than that to win you. Because you deserve someone who goes out of their way to be with you, right? So, don't confront her about it. Do absolutely nothing. Focus on moving on. Stick to NC. Don't give in to false hopes or bread crumbs. Keep focusing on yourself.

 

This. She's giving you breadcrumbs. The thing with breadcrumbs is that they CAN build into something more. Long story short, this may be the very beginning stages of her wanting you back, but the fact is that the idea of wanting you back is a PROCESS. As in, it will take time. If you ask her now, (which I'm seeing you did, and will reply to later int his message), you'll be jumping the gun before the process has had enough time to come to a resolution. We live in a society of instant gratification, but even with that being the case, you CANNOT get instant gratification in ALL things these days.

 

Can you handle a total rejection? even accusations, or even her trying to humiliate you in oeder to blur her curiosity? can you handle that?

 

If you can't - Don't confront her.

 

The key to truly being over a breakup and being able to potentially start something fresh is reaching a sense of unaffectedness. You don't have to become indifferent. There are many women in my life who I still care for, yet can speak about on a totally candid level and anything they said to me would not affect me in the slightest. It's because of THAT that I might possibly have a chance with these women again, because whatever we might build would be something brand new, and not some continuation of the old relationship. Yet at the same time, I just simply don't care if something strikes up again or not. One case in specific I'm thinking of, I haven't spoken to this ex since Dec 2007. I want her to be happy, I want the best for her, and I'd do anything I could (without going out of my way) to make her happy. But at the same time, she could come out of the blue, raging at me, calling me an a**hole, and I'd shrug it off and keep going. THAT is the point you have to be at in order to have a TRUE reconciliation that won't bomb 2 months down the road. THAT is the goal you need to have to know you're truly over this breakup.

 

Wanted to keep you guys updated.

She went on it another 3 times today so I messaged her asking why and she just didn't answer. So yes, I guess girls are just simply nosy sometimes. At least now I could keep NC and keep moving on.

 

Just like you aren't emotionally detached / unaffected by her, the same is true for her. And it's because of the fact that you both still have these feelings that any sort of "striking things up again" would only lead to further demise. You asked her to be resolved in her feelings before she was truly there. She won't give you an answer, because she's still affected by you. She knows what she's doing is s***ty. But she won't fess up to it. It's a shameful act, and she's fully aware of it.

 

If you TRULY want to get her back, you have to first get to a point where you couldn't give a damn if you get her back or not. THAT is the foundation where true reconciliation stories that last come from. Spend each of these days training that muscle. Faking it until you make it. You WILL get there. We all do. And we're here to help you until you've faked it enough that you don't need assistance anymore. You will have made it reality.

 

It's okay that you're not there yet though, brother. As I said before, it's a process. It DOES take time. It takes training that muscle. The ONLY way to get over an emotion is to go through it. You're not CHOOSING to think about it, and in the same way, you won't be able to simply choose to NOT think about it. It's not something you can do in the matter of a single day. You MUST grieve. That means going through the denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and eventually acceptance. Allow yourself to feel these feelings. THAT is the fastest way to cope. By ALLOWING the grief to happen. It will take time though. And we're here to help.