MrFuji Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 So I was in a relationship for almost 1.5 years, we never married but that is still quite some time. I'm quite young (in college) and I understand there is fish in the sea, and that was my first relationship. Understand I don't want to be in the relationship again after the way she treated me afterwards. So she broke up with me 2.5 months ago after she cheated on me. Honestly, the only thing I didn't do was spend as much time with her as she wanted because of classes, I'm going for three undergrad degrees. She told a ****load of lies like we can still be friends, that she didn't cheat on me, and that we can talk about my feelings. I am very uptight because I have class with her twice a week and she ignores me when I simply say hi. I told her we should talk, but the person she cheated with called my ****ing phone and threatened me not to talk to her after just wanting to talk about my feelings. She wont forgive what she does and is very immature. I realized she was immature when we were dating,but just kinda of ignored it as I look at a persons best, not the worst. I don't want to wound up my feelings every class and explode because I have borderline anger management. This is also indirectly making me depressed. I did go to her and said you ignoring me isn't civil and she stuttered and ignored me. Also, next Wednesday I am seeing a professional councilor to ask for advice. It is really bothering me and I need some advice or how I should handle the situation. p.s. Sorry if this is in the wrong thread, its my second post. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 Why are you seeking civility and validation from someone that cheated on you? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 Just ignore her, stop wasting energy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 Why do you want to talk about your feelings with someone who cheated on you ? Seriously move on and forget about her .... don't speak with her again. If possible transfer to a different class. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 Alright; first, don't believe "we can still be friends", ever. Next, stop wasting your time. You're just continuing to feed your own hurt feelings this way. You already know she's immature. Now I'll tell you another secret; immature people could care less about the feelings of anyone but themselves. Just move on, chances are she'll be a single mother in less than 3 years. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrFuji Posted September 12, 2014 Author Share Posted September 12, 2014 Thanks guys and or gals. I guess I just cannot fathom her mindset because it is illogical. I'll see what the councilor says, maybe she will want to be just friends months/years later when all the dust clears and she matures, if not I'm not missing much. Yeah I just gotta give her crap back and that's the end of that chapter. Link to post Share on other sites
Lani Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Yeah, you just gotta move on and ignore her. I get that it's hard having to see her all the time, but it'll get easier. Focus on anything else. She's not worth your time or emotion. In time you will see this is true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Thanks guys and or gals. I guess I just cannot fathom her mindset because it is illogical. I'll see what the councilor says, maybe she will want to be just friends months/years later when all the dust clears and she matures, if not I'm not missing much. Yeah I just gotta give her crap back and that's the end of that chapter. Your mindset is illogical. The woman cheated on you. Why are you needing to be friends? Where is your self-respect? Friends months/years later? You don't even know what you'll be having for dinner tomorrow. Stop white knuckling these types of unrealistic thoughts. Only keeps you stuck. In months you most likely will be over this, hopefully, because I would think by then you'd develop enough "logic" to stop being weak over someone that treated/treats you like crap. No, don't dish it back to her. Just leave her alone and focus on yourself instead of chasing her to make nice with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Thanks guys and or gals. I guess I just cannot fathom her mindset because it is illogical. I'll see what the councilor says, maybe she will want to be just friends months/years later when all the dust clears and she matures, if not I'm not missing much. Yeah I just gotta give her crap back and that's the end of that chapter. If she's as immature as you say then throw the logic out the window. What you need to remember when you see her. She lied to you and cheated on you. That should be enough for you to avoid her and want nothing to do with her unless you like being tortured. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Listen, you were stung by this girl. Not only because of the cheating, but because the way she acts since then. You have to realize she is the enemy now. She will not hesitate to hurt you much much more, even to get just a tiny interest of her. She will have no problem to say nasty lies about you if it makes her look better in front of her new guy, or if it will give her a better grade or something. So don't get it wrong. When you come to her, you are in a hostile territory. Keep yourself away from her. RUN! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 You have borderline anger management? Stay away from your ex. DO NOT confront. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 I agree you need counseling, because you are in such denial because there is no value in being friends with her. Your anger,and resentment is clouding your judgement. She owes you nothing, not even friendship. You need to learn how to cope with rejection, then you can free yourself. ***She lies to pasify you, the ticking time bomb, that is why she is avoiding you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 She is not going to want to be friends years later. She wants you out of her life. She asked her new guy to call you for one of two reasons: She's really mean or you were doing things (staring in class, refusing to go away whatever) that scared her & she wanted him to try to intimidate you. It's still early in the semester. Can you switch to another section of your class? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 I want you to envision what she was actually doing when she cheated on you. Look at the entire thing, from top to bottom and in detail. Now tell us why you want her to be your friend. Drop this nonsense, embrace your pain, and let these feelings of betrayal go. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 I'm sorry for your pain, OP. She didn't respect you enough to remain faithful and that should be enough for you to want her out of your life. Unfortunately, you cannot force someone to be civil to you, or to pay attention to you. You don't need to talk about your feelings with her; save that for your counselor or a trusted friend/family member. What do you mean you have borderline anger management? Either you manage your anger or you don't. Have there been incidents in the past, in the relationship, when you didn't manage your anger well? That may help explain her hesitation to speak to you. Just speculating. Link to post Share on other sites
Clockwork Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 There is a consolation prize for having an ex-girlfriend. You have an "ex" girlfriend. In other words, you don't need to waste your time at this dead end street anymore. This whole idea of staying friends is incredibly overrated. It will just hamper you in the future. Take two steps forward, not one foot in the past Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts