SyamChang Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 Well , its been a wonderful 1 year 7 months relationship . We care and love for each other . Until she start working part time at a restaurant . She met a lesbian girl . They hangout often , but i trust her . To the point I lost my control because she texted a lot with the girl . She told me she is just a friend and im accusing her for nothing . So she wanted to break up but i didnt let her . Then i opened her instagram and saw the girl wearing her watch ? Yesterday she was moving to a new place with her few friends and the lesbian girl followed her there . I was so upset . D girl slept together with her . Is this sign of cheating ? Mind u i went to her place last week when we are in the heat of arguments . She rather dinner with d lesbian girl than me ? She told me she loves me but she dont want to be in a relationship atm . She told me that she will never be with a girl . Eventho the girl likes her , she wont be with her . What makes me confused , is why is she not wanting me back ? Do she have another person to make her happy ? I asked her a lot and begged her to comeback . But it wont happen . I miss her , please help me . Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 You need to move on. It does not matter if they have had sex or not. What does matter is that your now ex girl friend values this other woman more then you. That is saying A LOT. People in committed and exclusive relationships should never maintain any type of relationship with someone that is sexually interested in them. It does not matter if they do not have interest in them! The other person is not a friend. The other person has motives. It's just a toxic situation that will always become a point of conflict. Your ex has a ton of maturing and learning to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SyamChang Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 You need to move on. It does not matter if they have had sex or not. What does matter is that your now ex girl friend values this other woman more then you. That is saying A LOT. People in committed and exclusive relationships should never maintain any type of relationship with someone that is sexually interested in them. It does not matter if they do not have interest in them! The other person is not a friend. The other person has motives. It's just a toxic situation that will always become a point of conflict. Your ex has a ton of maturing and learning to do. No . Im going to win her back . She told me she still loves me but not like she used to . She dont know what she wants , because im too controlling , possesive , doesnt trust her . She told me she needs time to think but im being really annoying . So now im giving her . So we are meeting this friday and im thinking to make her an album with full of our photos , pictures and moments together . And im getting her a necklace with my initial . So when I meet her , I let her read the albums . Then when shes looking d albums , Im going to put the necklace on her . And tell her that I terribly miss her and the last thing I want right now is rejection . And I will tell her if she wont give me a chance , throw away all what i gave and made her . What should I do ? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 No . Im going to win her back No, you're not. You can't "win" back someone who does not want to be "won". She is a human being, not a fluffy animal in a fairground game. She has told you quite clearly that she does not want to be in a relationship with you. I am sorry but this is her decision. So we are meeting this friday and im thinking to make her an album with full of our photos , pictures and moments together . And im getting her a necklace with my initial . So when I meet her , I let her read the albums . Then when shes looking d albums , Im going to put the necklace on her . And tell her that I terribly miss her and the last thing I want right now is rejection . And I will tell her if she wont give me a chance , throw away all what i gave and made her . What should I do ? Meanwhile back in the real world..... She is going to see your album and necklace and say "oh you know this is EXACTLY what I meant when I said you were controlling, possessive, untrusting. I am leaving now. It's OVER". Sorry to say that your plans are exactly the wrong thing you should be doing in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
georgecostanza Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 This is over, you need to face it. She doesn't want to be with you, and no amount of trying to force or blackmail her into feeling something for you again will work. Even if you did get her to come back, it wouldn't be for the right reasons. She'd be unhappy, she doesn't love you. The other girl doesn't matter. What matters is that you drove her away with your possessiveness and jealousy. I suggest you adjust to single life for a while and reflect on your mistakes before you start dating again, otherwise you'll just repeat them next time. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 I don't think he will listen. I think he believes he can do it, and that we're all wrong. I suspect the update will be crushingly tragic.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SyamChang Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 We broke up . It ended so bad . I cursed at her and shes having breakdown . She told me she loved me like theres no tomorrow . She even fought against her families for me . She told me , the reason why she wanted to break up is my family . My family pressured her so much , and shes only a human , a woman . She told me she cant cope longer with my family . I set my family straight , and I emailed her that I would wait for her . I will always try to hold on , no matter how tough it is , I will always be here for her . Im cutting off any contact with her . I asked her if she still loves me , she said yes . She only gave me excuses to break up because family involved in our matter . I told her if our relationship ever mean anything , wait for me . I will fix my problems , my traits that pushed her away . She didnt reply me . PS : The girl and her never have anything going on . She told me I should trust her , like she trusted me . I slept in my sister's house full of girls , and she know I wont hurt her . Idk what to guys , I love her and its so hard to breathe knowing shes gone Link to post Share on other sites
Author SyamChang Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 *Update* She told me to change and look for her again . Be the guy that she fell for in d first place , not the possesive , jealous and controlling ******* . What can I do to change myself ? Im thinking counseling , fishing(to build patience ) and working out ? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 So, she's tried to tell you in many ways she doesn't want a relationship. You didn't "let" her break up with you the first time? That is not your decision. She is a person with her own thoughts and feelings and you blatantly disregard them. I am sure you are starting to see how suffocating, possessive, jealous and controlling you are. Good lord; it's no wonder she prioritized her friends. That type of relationship is miserable, OP> Anyway, you need to change for you. Don't change for the sole purpose of reconciling, because it sounds as though she's gone. Therapy would be a good start. It appears you have some deep insecurities that need to be worked on. Hobbies such as fishing and working out are a good component of transformation, but will not substitute the work of a qualified counselor. Start researching resources in your area. Out of curiosity, how old are you? Have you had much relationship experience? Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 She told me to change and look for her again It seems like you need relationship help, not counseling. What you believe to be your part in a relationship sounds one-sided, even a little egotistical, and extremely narcissistic. Example: A necklace with YOUR initials? Really? If you want instant results, above all else drop whatever you think a boyfriend is, because it's all wrong. and start with these: 1) Ask her to start over, but as friends. 2) Let her come to you, do NOT smother her. 3) As friends, hang out, and rebuild that spark. 4) Once that spark is there, and you get all fluttery when you each other - ask her to be your girlfriend. 5) Continue with not smothering her, not being controlling, and do NOT overburden her. 6) Keep your family at bay, they aren't in the relationship - YOU ARE! Lastly, a relationship is a bond between 2 people, and that bond can only be completed on equal terms. Remember, she is free to make her own decisions with or without you. If you treat her with love, honesty, and respect those decisions will include you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 You change... the woman you are with. PRESTO! So much easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SyamChang Posted September 11, 2014 Author Share Posted September 11, 2014 Lol . I got her back . I made her an album with full of our pictures and moments . She cried and touched . I didnt contacted her for a week but I did ask her to wait for me . Wait for me to change . We r in a long distance so I bought a ticket and went there to see her . She cried as soon as she saw me . I mean not all relationship need to be start over . You need to have patience , persistence and calm . If she loves you enough , she will be back . If she loves you enough , she will never hurt you . I understand that now , and since I start fishing my decision making , everything that I do I do with a good composure . Fishing is the only way (for me) to build patience and composure . You cant fish if you dont have d virtue Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 2nd dump in 10, 9, 8, 7...... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 You need to have patience , persistence and calm . If she loves you enough , she will be back . If she loves you enough , she will never hurt you . You have a lot to learn... Link to post Share on other sites
Natsu21 Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Lol . I got her back . I made her an album with full of our pictures and moments . She cried and touched . I didnt contacted her for a week but I did ask her to wait for me . Wait for me to change . We r in a long distance so I bought a ticket and went there to see her . She cried as soon as she saw me . I mean not all relationship need to be start over . You need to have patience , persistence and calm . If she loves you enough , she will be back . If she loves you enough , she will never hurt you . I understand that now , and since I start fishing my decision making , everything that I do I do with a good composure . Fishing is the only way (for me) to build patience and composure . You cant fish if you dont have d virtue Dude, you need to learn one of the most IMPORTANT rules about women. Watch what they do, not what they say. Every guy on this forum had his girl tell him the same thing, including my ex, and most of them said it while with and banging someone else. Take em back and that will automatically make them disrespect you. You showed them no consequences of dumping you. It's only a matter of time before she leaves you again, presumably when this other person commits...you're going to learn a hard lesson, dude. We're just waiting when when that happens. Link to post Share on other sites
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