shortee Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I've been dating this guy for around 6 months and things have been going great! However, he just changed gyms and started working out with a 45 yr old woman. My boyfriend is 23 and she is old enough to be his mother! Before this, he worked out 2 or 3 times a week. Now he's going everyday with this woman to the gym, sometimes even twice a day! I've met her and she told me she needs someone to keep her motivated at the gym and it's easier for her to work out with someone else. She says nobody else wants to work out with her. I really want to trust him, but I can't understand why they would go more than once a day. I have been thinking about going to the gym and meeting up with them to see what's really going on with them or following them. I just don't want to seem like I don't trust him at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Ask him. Defuse the situation now. Don't get into that crazy "I'm going to follow him around". Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Is she hot...? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shortee Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 The thing is I've asked him if I can join them during their workouts and he says no or they workout too hard for me. And I'm pretty fit and work out myself, so I think I can keep up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shortee Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 Is she hot...? She seems ok looking for a 45 yr old. She had some fat on her when they first started, but has lost a few pounds. She looks pretty good now. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 The thing is I've asked him if I can join them during their workouts and he says no or they workout too hard for me. And I'm pretty fit and work out myself, so I think I can keep up. Yea that's weird... there would be absolutely no reason why he wouldn't want you to get in even better shape working out with them... I'd be a little wary... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
acapelo_dp Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 The thing is I've asked him if I can join them during their workouts and he says no or they workout too hard for me. And I'm pretty fit and work out myself, so I think I can keep up. I would be SO offended if my boyfriend told me I couldn't come because the workout would be "too hard for me." Please. I think something fishy is going on and I wouldn't tolerate it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 (edited) The thing is I've asked him if I can join them during their workouts and he says no That right there tells you all that you need to know about you not being a priory in his life. His actions clearly show this other woman to be his priority. Never allow someone to be your priority that does not also consider you to be their priority. I would tell him that since you are not welcome to workout with him and his other woman, that you are going to go to a different gym and see if there are any guys there that would like to regularly work out with you. I would also tell him that although you may be interested in still dating him, that you no longer consider the relationship to be exclusive, because with the other woman being such a priory in his life, it already is not. You are just acknowledging the facts as they are and making it official. Should he tell you that he wants to be exclusive with you, tell him that this would not be possible unless he agreed to go full 100% no contact with this other woman for as long as he wanted to be in a relationship with you. If he tries to call you controlling, tell him that being exclusive is by definition controlling, and that you are not demanding that the two of you be in an exclusive relationship. Then tell him that he either wants to be exclusive or he does not, and that you find cake eating very unattractive. Edited July 31, 2014 by Try Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 The thing is I've asked him if I can join them during their workouts and he says no or they workout too hard for me. And I'm pretty fit and work out myself, so I think I can keep up. That's a bad sign. What is their communication like outside the gym? (That you know of, I mean) Going to the gym more than once a day is completely unnecessary, and indicates where his priorities are. I think you're right to be suspicious about this. I also would question whether they were actually meeting at the gym so often, to be honest. Sounds off to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Are you sure they're going to the gym? Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Yea that's weird... there would be absolutely no reason why he wouldn't want you to get in even better shape working out with them... I'd be a little wary... I agree, though.I'd be surprised there is an affair going on with a overweight woman twice his age. I think his attitude in refusing his gf to come along and work out is off putting for the OP for sure. I have helped workout with an older (only slightly but) overweight woman at the gym before. I think any woman who pumps iron is cool, and I chat to them and encourage them as its pretty daunting being one of the few women (and older too) in amongst a throng of mainly younger fit and some quite intimidating guys. Going twice a day for this woman is a bit weird. IDK, I don't blame the OP for wondering whats up. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I agree, though.I'd be surprised there is an affair going on with a overweight woman twice his age. I think his attitude in refusing his gf to come along and work out is off putting for the OP for sure. I have helped workout with an older (only slightly but) overweight woman at the gym before. I think any woman who pumps iron is cool, and I chat to them and encourage them as its pretty daunting being one of the few women (and older too) in amongst a throng of mainly younger fit and some quite intimidating guys. Going twice a day for this woman is a bit weird. IDK, I don't blame the OP for wondering whats up. Strong agree. If I were OP, I'd insist on attending next workout...if he says no, that'd honestly be grounds for doneski... but then again I'm biased towards ending things sooner rather than later... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts