sen2us1965 Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 Last year right after I moved to the area I met a man on a dating site. We talked for a while and then decided to meet. We started dating ,he told me he had been divorced for two years and had a 14 year old daughter that lived in Dallas with her mother. He was everything that I wanted...kind, considerate , intelligent , funny , sensual , passionate the list goes on. He lived in the Houston area and I would spend lots of time with him at his home . I met his friends , co-workers and even his brother. Never thinking anything out of the ordinary. He talked about his daughters endlessly. His youngest being the same age as my youngest, they both had numerous things in common. He shared pictures and videos of his girls and stories about them. He would go to Dallas once a month to see his daughter. He would leave Friday evening and call me at 12:00 on Sunday when he left. when I was not with him he was with me and my two girls. Five months into our relationship I ask him if he had any unresolved relationship issues and he assured me he did not and that he was falling in love with me. And I was falling in love with him, so that made me very happy. In March my daughter decided to follow his daughter on Twitter where she followed my daughter back. My girls as well as my self had become very attached to this man. His daughter ask how she knew her father and she told her that he was dating her mom. Our world crashed that evening, when my daughter and I both got text from a very pissed wife of 23 years. He had not lived at their home in Flower Mound for 10 years except for short periods between jobs . He is an Engineer, and builds and repairs refineries and plants all along the coast. Needless to say I ended the affair I haven't seen him for almost 4 months. The other day he started calling ,texting and emailing me. He wants to try " make things right" .Oh my God he wants me to be his mistress until his daughter graduates . The most horrible thing is my heart wants to, but my moral code screams ADULTERESS !!! Once a cheater always a cheater. If he does it with you he'll do it to you. I hate myself for loving him so much. I fell for him hard and he treats me wonderfully. I know this is wrong. It's driving me mad. I just want to be with him and forget everything. How stupid can I be? Link to post Share on other sites
daisydook Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 Block him on everything. NO, you should not participate in this. NO, you are not the only one. AND NO, you want no part in this. Picture the pain you have now, and times that by 17,000,000. You can try if you want, but you are really setting yourself up for more heartache. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 I know this is wrong. It's driving me mad. I just want to be with him and forget everything. How stupid can I be? I'm pretty sure you are about to find out........ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 You should be his mistress. You should teach your daughters that there's nothing wrong with being with a man that betrays his family. Teach them that it's perfectly fine to have no boundaries or a moral compass. Teach them that betrayal, lies, deceit is acceptable. Teach them that when a man treats you wonderfully, cheating and lying should be overlooked because surface level gestures should suffice. You want to be a mistress. That's your choice. Trust the pain of being a woman on the side is going to be 100 times worse than what you're feeling now. L Love alone isn't enough. You have nothing but a man that had no care, thought and empathy for his wife, his kids, your kids and you. This was all about him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
carrie_o Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 How stupid can I be? You aren't stupid. Missing him seems very normal to me. You lost the man you thought he was. Feeling that way is not stupid. However, you shouldn't date him. He is not the man you fell in love with. He is married. He is a cheater. He is a liar. THE MAN YOU LOVE IS NOT REAL. Don't date this impostor. Go back to NC and try to find a man you will love you and only you with all his heart. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 that really sucks /hug Don't look back!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 he told me he had been divorced for two years It's not like he omitted telling you he was married. He straight lied to you. That says something about him, on top of the cheating. I take it they all knew. The coworker, the friends, the brother.. However, you didn't know he was married, but now you do, so now you walk away. I mean if you're looking for confirmation that dating this guy could be an option, I don't think you will find that here. Beside, he has a daughter, and she'll probably grow to hate you, and your daughters as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 Last year right after I moved to the area I met a man on a dating site. And trust that as soon as you're done with him, he'll be back on the dating site looking for his next prospect. Link to post Share on other sites
yessy21 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 I am going to say this in the nicest way possible. DO YOU WANT TO CATCH AIDS WOMAN?! what if he has a string of other women? sleeping with them all ... and who knows who they sleep with. your health is more important than that. Your physical and mental health. Also, its kind of immoral... if you ask me. Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 It is not "stupid" when you go through the proper steps and then find out that the person you are with is lying. The whole situation lays squarely at his feet and he is to blame for the deception. Once the truth is revealed, however, you now become culpable for your choices. Not only is he an adulterer but now your daughter knows that this is the case as well. What do you think is the healthiest thing for her? What would you do if this guy were your husband and you found out that this is how he was behaving? Do you really want to live a life of full deception - wouldn't that completely change the dynamic of how you feel in his presence? I am truly sorry for this mess and my thoughts and prayers are with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sen2us1965 Posted July 21, 2014 Author Share Posted July 21, 2014 I know ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sen2us1965 Posted July 21, 2014 Author Share Posted July 21, 2014 You all are very right each and every one of you. I just hate myself for ever even caring about him at this point. I know that this whole mess is wrong in so many ways . I do care how my children feel and I don't want them hurt...ever!!! I have raised my kids well. It is not like I set out to hurt anyone ,I was as much a victim in all of this as his wife. I feel bad enough for what has happened, not just for me and my girls but for his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 Have you been checked for STDs? And have you told his wife so that she can get checked for STDs? Who knows how many other women this guy has lied to.... Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 You all are very right each and every one of you. I just hate myself for ever even caring about him at this point. I know that this whole mess is wrong in so many ways . I do care how my children feel and I don't want them hurt...ever!!! I have raised my kids well. It is not like I set out to hurt anyone ,I was as much a victim in all of this as his wife. I feel bad enough for what has happened, not just for me and my girls but for his wife. I knew this guy I grew close to. When I realized that it was slowly rolling toward more than friends, I pulled the plug. As much as I was into this guy, he was married, and there's nothing else to say. What I would tell your guy is this.. if one day he is single, and you are single.. then things can develop and you can date. Till then, adios. Don't put your life on hold. I will also point out that he lied.. if he lied to you, and he lied his wife, I am not sure how you are going to manage trusting him after that, even if he was to be single one day. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 You all are very right each and every one of you. I just hate myself for ever even caring about him at this point. I know that this whole mess is wrong in so many ways . I do care how my children feel and I don't want them hurt...ever!!! I have raised my kids well. It is not like I set out to hurt anyone ,I was as much a victim in all of this as his wife. I feel bad enough for what has happened, not just for me and my girls but for his wife. You don't have to hate yourself for caring about him. You developed an emotional bond with him based on the image he portrayed. It's not your fault. That has now changed and he is not the person you created in your mind. Love and care is not enough. And while you feel the way you feel, you also have to prioritize your reality, not your emotions. No one has said that you set out to hurt anyone. But choosing to go forward even after knowing the facts and how much more hurt it can inflict on everyone around you is what's at stake. You choose to be a victim if you decide to be his mistress. It will be no one else's fault but yours. And if he has done this to you, I am sure he has done it to others. When a man so blatantly lies and cheats, trust that you're not the only one that has fallen prey or will fall prey to his deviant behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
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