Kmarr Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Hey there, i've been on here a while ago but forgot my details so on a fresh account. I hope somebody has some good ideas regarding my problem. My girlfriend and i have been together for 3 years, for the past 30 weeks or so i've been at university, but we had been seeing each other every couple of weeks or so. Once i came home for summer, i've noticed that she'd been really off with me, like wouldn't show much affection or would turn away whenever i tried to be intimate. I decided one morning to ask her what the problem is as something really isn't right, she began to get quite tear-ful, and, as it was the morning, i said we could talk about it later due to her having work soon (we don't live together). Anyhow, i got home and went on my old laptop so i can study, i went to go onto facebook and her profile was automatically logged in, she had used my laptop before and i guess it just remembered. As i was about to log out, i saw a conversation at the bottom and it was a flirtatious message, so of course, i couldn't leave it, even if i'd wished i never stumbled upon it. I found the following conversation: View image: Sammy Convo ( Edited) - At first it seems fine, but at the bottom its incredibly flirtatious and as you know, most recent messages appear first which was why it had caught my eye. The guy in question is the father of a child who goes to her nursery (to reference the end of the convo). The child's mum is his partner and works with her. My girlfriend was always very quiet and unconfident, i was her first proper boyfriend and she came out of her shell throughout our relationship and she is not the kind of girl who throws around the word "babe" etc as she has here, however, its the other stuff she's said or hinted at which hurts, so it seems a little worse than a typical facebook flirt. We met up on the evening after her work and i confronted her about why she seemed off, but she had kept giving lame excuses about not being used to me being home etc (even though she'd been fine previous times i'd visited). I kept what i found out secret and kept pushing for her to be honest, but she completely broke down and said there was nothing wrong, she seemed very concerned she'd lose me so i left it and stopped pressing. Since that conversation, we seem pretty much back to normal, not quite as intimate as we were before but i'm not shallow and trying not to look into it, i do fear though that she's acting normal again, just because of what we spoke about, however that might just be me. The problem is, its been a week and today, thinking about it and reading, i am really hurt she wasn't honest when i gave her the chance to be and i texted her today saying i'm incredibly angry (didn't say what about or if it was even with her). I'm trying to cool off and need some opinions on how you guys think i should approach her about this, it is eating at me a lot, it seems like more than just typical facebook banter / flirt, and i'm sure the guy's partner (my girlfriend's friend) wouldn't be happy if she saw it either :S. I love my girlfriend to bits and i'm afraid of blowing my chances, i'm also afraid of us not recovering if we were to talk about it. How should i approach this? I'm going to remain calm anyhow. Thankyou!! _____________________________________________ TLDR: - came back from uni, girlfriend was acting weird, didnt say why, i went home on old laptop to study, her Facebook was logged in from previous use, before logging i accidentally stumbled across a flirtatious conversation (it appeared at bottom). Need your opinions on how to discuss it with her as its eating at me. Thanks again guys! Link to post Share on other sites
MrMeh Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 She's lying and cheating and you're more afraid of blowing you're chances?Just end it. Doubt this will turn out to be a great marriage. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatMan Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 What would you even want to discuss with her? Do you think you deserve this disrespect? There's flirting which happens on occasion. Then there is the incredibly cutesy, make everyone around you throw up kind of flirting that cheesy couples do. Give anyone that image without a back-story and they're liable to believe this was the simple conversation between spouses. She has a boyfriend and his name is Jon. Why are you in the picture? Do you even respect yourself? If you did respect yourself, you would certainly take that gut wrenching feeling into consideration. Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 You're afraid of your relationship not recovering if you talk about this? Come on now, surely you can see the issue with that statement!? You need to confront her. If she is not 100% honest and open, then you do not stand a chance. If she lies to you, that will be the nail in the coffin (in my opinion, it's already dead though). She has seriously crossed some lines. I would be out of there in a heartbeat. My advice would be to end it with her immediately, no matter how hard it is, go NC and never look back. You deserve better than this. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 She called him babe. End the relationship and maintain your dignity and self respect. Tend to your broken heart. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatMan Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 I think they can do worse than calling each other babe. "I hate the feeling when you have to say goodbye to someone you want to spend every minute with xxx" Oh Jon! That's lovely! xxx Now everyone can suffer as I have by being nauseous. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Why haven't you broken up with her yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kmarr Posted April 24, 2014 Author Share Posted April 24, 2014 it's looking that way when i see her tonight, already lying once when i had given her the opportunity to be honest is ridiculous. She has to understand that already lying once (this badly) means....how can i exactly believe anything she says ever again and i don't want to be in a relationship with no longevity. My dad had died a few months ago and i'd been miserable for a while, probably not very communicative, so she started speaking to someone more exciting maybe? Thats the only reason i can think of...and has f**ked me off so much just thinking about it. Maybe i've had to think about it for the past week purely cus i'm at a pretty low point right now (with what i said above) and worried about my own future, but i guess other people have been through worse and felt better. I'd be curious to see what her work mate would think too, tbh (the guy's girlfriend and mother of his child), if you get where i'm going with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Yeah, sorry. But, I don't call my friends, babe. That's a bit beyond flirting with that IM conversation. And especially admitting that she would want to spend every minute with each other. Yeah, you need to cut this one out of your life. She can have him (sad part is, she was probably planning on it, you're just moving up her timetable). 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 She called him babe. End the relationship and maintain your dignity and self respect. Tend to your broken heart. Yep, the ONLY excuse for her calling him babe is if this friend just happens to be a cute lil piggy. I'm guessing that is not the case because HOLY HELL a pig that can use a computer would be big news! Link to post Share on other sites
TylerDurdenn Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Jesus that guy is cringey. Link to post Share on other sites
tlegend Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 My observation: You aren't giving her attention, so she is starting to become unhappy and seeking attention from elsewhere. Is this relationship salvageable? Possibly. Would you want to salvage it? Only you can make that decision. No one can tell you how you feel about this girl. That being said, you have caught her red-handed. She lied to you, the person she is supposed to love and cherish... The person she is supposed to lean on for support when other guys hit on her. She obviously doesn't value the relationship as much as you. And you are 100% correct. If she can tell you she loves you and wants to be with you, while AT THE SAME TIME doing this crap behind your back....well I think you just met one of the most two-faced people in the world. Get out, use her for sex, meet her at an expensive dinner somewhere and excuse yourself to the bathroom only to disappear and then text her to have "Jon" come pick her up or something. (Saw this in another thread, thought it was pretty awesome way of dealing with a ho.) What you will need to prepare for is the roller coaster of emotions you're about to hit. It will be messy. But it's GOING to happen. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Holy cr*p man, read about half way down and gave up. That were me there would have been no discussion, I'd let her go so she can feel free to receive messages from a guy telling her he's horny for her. I'll tell you what though, you're blowing your chances by being too soft with these. This dude knows she taken and he keeps hitting her up and she's doing nothing. Meanwhile her boyfriend finds out and does what? You need to sit her down and talk about it. Show her the texts and ask her if she thinks it's right that another man is talking to her like this, and why if she loves you so much she's accepting it..even liking it. You're going away to uni again aren't you.... Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 She's not just flirting. She has a new boyfriend and she doesn't have the guts to tell you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
tom670 Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 Show those texts to his wife like asap dude. It may be an ea right now but it will go pa soon. Don't know if it's worth saving. You say she has been lying eh she can kick rocks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tom670 Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 Expose to Jon's supposed partner now! Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 I agree, I was wondering when someone would tell him to tell the BS. Link to post Share on other sites
ffsear Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 (edited) End it now! The "Jon" guys chat is ****ing weak for a start. Its embarrassing to read. Its literally like reading a conversation between two 12 year old's with learning difficulties ! (Don't shoot me, i'm heavily dyslexic and have ADHD so I can say that Weak as his chat may be, the more worrying point is that it appears to be working on your GF. Which to me suggests she in insecure and needing attention form absolutely anyone. Not girlfriend material! You on the other hand come across as quite articulate and smart. Do yourself a favor and cut her loose now! Edited April 25, 2014 by ffsear Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 Cheating, not cheating... lying, not lying. It doesn't matter realy. She's totally OFF you, man... all the rest is dust. What would you gain by confronting her? If you dig you will get the truth - she's bored with you. Or you will get lies like "sorry, it was a joke, it won't happen again, i was drunk, I was kidnaped by aliens". Either way you're ****ed here. Link to post Share on other sites
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