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Girlfriend wants to go on trip with other man - special circumstances


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ThoughtfulTom

Hello Everybody,

 

First, I would like to thank you for your eyes, thoughts and advice. I am finding myself in an interesting predicament in my relationship. I have a girlfriend of 6 months that has lost a friend. He was traveling with another friend (who my girlfriend is friends with) in cambodia and suddenly passed away. My girlfriend is very much a traveler and has traveled throughout South America. She was actually going to go on the trip to Southeast Asia but forewent it to be with me. This has been hard for her because she feels she is someway responsible. I have reassured her that she isn't.

 

So her surviving friend has a recent girlfriend he met in Southeast Asia who he is planning to move to Australia for. In the meantime he has to go home to save money in her hometown. My girlfriend has always wanted to goto Australia. So now she is saying that she is going to go on a two week trip with him in honor of the friend that passed away. At first, I was a bit uneasy about this but quickly came to my senses and told her that she should go on the trip and I support her.

 

At the same time though, I am a bit worried about this trip. I might just be completely selfish but I feel as though she has so much in common with this person and the connection they have because of their lost mutual friend is so strong. If this guy breaks up with his Australian girlfriend for some reason in the mean time, they will be two single people going to Australia for two weeks. I feel like my girlfriend is also the type of person to say "**** it" and stay in Australia.

 

What do you think would be the best way to approach this situation? I have been trying to be honest with her without seeming heartless and selfish.

 

P.S There is no way I can go on the trip because of my financial position and my need to work.

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Grumpybutfun

This is more about you not trusting your gf. You said she is the type to say screw it and stay in Australia so are you scared of her cheating or abandoning you? You picked a free spirit to be your gf. The more you try to cage a woman like this the harder and farther they run.

There is no approach to curb your insecurities and change her nature so just let her go and hope she returns. Never be more invested in someone else than they are in you.

Best,

Grumps

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ThoughtfulTom

Ok. So your answer is to trust my girlfriend. That is what I have told her and by the end of writing that post it is what I felt I should and will do. Thank you for reassuring this.

 

I think I have abandonment issues with my Mom. Makes sense and I shouldn't let that effect my relationship.

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Op, at the end of the day we have no control of what others do, but we do have control of what we do. If you have faith in your girlfriend, and allow her to do as she would like, you can know that you have done your best.

 

If she decides to stay away, or forms a romantic bond with this other person, so be it, that is her character. Worry about your own character, and let others make their own choices so you can really see their character.

 

If she would chose to stay away, then you are 100% with the wrong person.

 

I have always used this philosophy, and despite relationships not working out (ex had drug issues), it has allowed me to avoid so much strife, jealousy, and resentment, and it has ended with partners having a lot of respect for me. On top of that, when relationships have dissolved, my sense of self/pride remains intact- regardless of the other persons actions.

 

It might not work for everyone, but I do think it is worth thinking about because sometimes in the midst of a relationship it is hard to think about things objectively.

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If you're going to be staying with a guy on a trip I'm going to be having a girl staying over with me while you're away!

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Op, at the end of the day we have no control of what others do, but we do have control of what we do. If you have faith in your girlfriend, and allow her to do as she would like, you can know that you have done your best.

 

If she decides to stay away, or forms a romantic bond with this other person, so be it, that is her character. Worry about your own character, and let others make their own choices so you can really see their character.

 

If she would chose to stay away, then you are 100% with the wrong person.

 

I have always used this philosophy, and despite relationships not working out (ex had drug issues), it has allowed me to avoid so much strife, jealousy, and resentment, and it has ended with partners having a lot of respect for me. On top of that, when relationships have dissolved, my sense of self/pride remains intact- regardless of the other persons actions.

 

It might not work for everyone, but I do think it is worth thinking about because sometimes in the midst of a relationship it is hard to think about things objectively.

 

Wise wise words friend.

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Million.to.1

just from the perceptive of someone that meet my current partner in S.E.A, and then he immrigrated from the other side of the world to be with me... i would trust that the guy friend who your girlfriend is going with, must be pretty bloodly smitten with this australian girl to pack-up and move his life to another country. And if your girlfriend and him were already friends before, then you have even less to worry about.

 

I completely agree with melell, and if you both are young and she is free spirited then there is always the possibility of something happening at some point... but you have to trust her or you don't have anything.

 

Trust that they are friends, yes they have a connection, mutual friends and interests, but that is all. There may not be any chemistry there and you just can't see why not.

 

Trust that this guy who is moving to another country for a girl is pretty serious about her, and probably wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardise that before he sees her again.

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To be honest, I really do not think you should let your girlfriend go on this trip. Obviously I know you technically can't prevent her from going since she is an adult, but I would tell her if she wants to stay in a relationship with you that she can't do this.

 

My problem here is that we are essentially talking about your girlfriend going on a vacation with another man. Maybe vacation isn't the right word, but she isn't doing this for a job or anything. So this trip is not business, but pleasure. She essentially going to be spending two weeks alone in another country with another man. I do not see how this does not raise several red flags for you.

 

I do not think this is about mere trust. It's one thing to trust your girlfriend to be around other men. I have a girlfriend, if she goes out to a bar or something with her friends without me I trust that she can handle being around other guys without cheating on me. However, that is merely her being out for the night. That is not her being in another country with another dude. I just find this strange.

 

Another problem is that you spoke about this trip being for some dead friend or something. So that means we have your girlfriend in another country on a trip with nobody else but this other guy. Then you add in the fact that emotions are going to be running VERY high because this is supposed to be for a lost loved one. I'm sorry, but when you combine all that it just seems like a recipe for disaster.

 

She is essentially going on a fun vacation/trip with another man. For me this would only be okay if this was her brother or something, but another guy? I think it is crazy for you to be okay with this. People mentioned she is a "free spirit" but there are plenty of ways to be one of those without going on vacation with another dude for 2 damn weeks. There are also probably plenty of ways for them to pay respect to their dead friend, why does it have to be the two of them alone going on a trip in another country?

 

Just sounds fishy to me, for me if this girl loved you she wouldn't want to do this. Not without you there at least. It might be one thing if there was for some type of career, but she's basically going there just for kicks..and with another guy. I would be devastated if my girlfriend wanted to go on a trip with another guy for 2 weeks. That is not cool. Perhaps this girl is TOO much of a free spirit then if she thinks this is an okay way to treat her boyfriend.

 

I realize you said this other guy is going to Australia because he has a girl there, but this still seems pretty odd. So I honestly believe it is a bad idea for you to stay with her if she does this. It might be one thing if she was going for a day or two just to honor a friend, but 2 weeks? Seems a little much. Sounds like they will be spending an awful lot of time together. How do you know that the other guys girlfriend will always be present for everything they do? Australia isn't going anywhere anytime soon, if she wants to go there so badly why not save your money and then when you do have enough to where you can come along you can both go down and meet her friend and his girlfriend? I don't see what is wrong with that, why does she need to go there without you, and for such a long period of time?

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To be honest, I really do not think you should let your girlfriend go on this trip. Obviously I know you technically can't prevent her from going since she is an adult, but I would tell her if she wants to stay in a relationship with you that she can't do this.

 

My problem here is that we are essentially talking about your girlfriend going on a vacation with another man. Maybe vacation isn't the right word, but she isn't doing this for a job or anything. So this trip is not business, but pleasure. She essentially going to be spending two weeks alone in another country with another man. I do not see how this does not raise several red flags for you.

 

I do not think this is about mere trust. It's one thing to trust your girlfriend to be around other men. I have a girlfriend, if she goes out to a bar or something with her friends without me I trust that she can handle being around other guys without cheating on me. However, that is merely her being out for the night. That is not her being in another country with another dude. I just find this strange.

 

Another problem is that you spoke about this trip being for some dead friend or something. So that means we have your girlfriend in another country on a trip with nobody else but this other guy. Then you add in the fact that emotions are going to be running VERY high because this is supposed to be for a lost loved one. I'm sorry, but when you combine all that it just seems like a recipe for disaster.

 

She is essentially going on a fun vacation/trip with another man. For me this would only be okay if this was her brother or something, but another guy? I think it is crazy for you to be okay with this. People mentioned she is a "free spirit" but there are plenty of ways to be one of those without going on vacation with another dude for 2 damn weeks. There are also probably plenty of ways for them to pay respect to their dead friend, why does it have to be the two of them alone going on a trip in another country?

 

Just sounds fishy to me, for me if this girl loved you she wouldn't want to do this. Not without you there at least. It might be one thing if there was for some type of career, but she's basically going there just for kicks..and with another guy. I would be devastated if my girlfriend wanted to go on a trip with another guy for 2 weeks. That is not cool. Perhaps this girl is TOO much of a free spirit then if she thinks this is an okay way to treat her boyfriend.

 

I realize you said this other guy is going to Australia because he has a girl there, but this still seems pretty odd. So I honestly believe it is a bad idea for you to stay with her if she does this. It might be one thing if she was going for a day or two just to honor a friend, but 2 weeks? Seems a little much. Sounds like they will be spending an awful lot of time together. How do you know that the other guys girlfriend will always be present for everything they do? Australia isn't going anywhere anytime soon, if she wants to go there so badly why not save your money and then when you do have enough to where you can come along you can both go down and meet her friend and his girlfriend? I don't see what is wrong with that, why does she need to go there without you, and for such a long period of time?

 

Wow. So so so much suspicion from you. If you were my partner, you wouldn't be for much longer if this was said to me.

 

People can and do travel with people of the opposite sex without engaging in sex. I know, shock horror right?

 

OP you said you trust your girlfriend - well then don't just say it - act it out. If you want to restrict her travelling I can guarantee you that she won't be your girlfriend before she embarks on this trip.

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You say it's a trip with a guy + his girlfriend, right? and your only concern is what if they break up during the time left until the trip.

 

So here is your solution. Do or say nothing because she's planning to go with both of them which your OK with that.

 

If for some reason this couple will have a break up then stand up and express your concern, saying that is not what you meant when you supported her with that.

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Standard-Fare

You've been dating six months -- how serious vs. casual are you? Have you said the L word?

 

My thought is, if you two are pretty committed and serious, you probably have a right to at least be like "I know this isn't a big deal and I trust you, but I have to admit it's a little weird for me to think of you traveling alone with another guy." Acknowledge your feelings are irrational. I think it's appropriate for your GF to give you some assurances to put your mind at ease.

 

Don't press anything beyond that or you're going to get a bad reaction, and come off as jealous and controlling.

 

And if you're in a more casual relationship, probably don't say anything at all.

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I don't know dude. I travel a lot too and I know my wife wouldn't let me go if I was traveling alone with another woman. No way in hell.

 

 

Plus, these two lost a friend close to them. One night they're out drinking and take solace in each other and the next thing you know? OPPS!!! Sorry, but stuff "just happened".

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PegNosePete

I'm a bit conflicted on this one.

 

On the one hand as a single guy I have asked some (married) friends if they'd like to go SCUBA diving holiday; the wife would love to but the husband doesn't want to go. He said it was fine for me to go with his wife because he knows I'd look after her and nothing dodgy would happen. So it's perfectly OK for me to go away with a married woman.

 

On the other hand if it were my GF/wife I'm not sure I would be so willing to let that happen. I guess it depends on the guy. If he were someone I knew well then sure. But someone I don't know... especially considering the emotional connections they will share on this trip... no. Well since you've only been together for 6 months you can't stop her I guess. All you can do is batten down the hatches for what may happen.

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Wow. So so so much suspicion from you. If you were my partner, you wouldn't be for much longer if this was said to me.

 

People can and do travel with people of the opposite sex without engaging in sex. I know, shock horror right?

 

OP you said you trust your girlfriend - well then don't just say it - act it out. If you want to restrict her travelling I can guarantee you that she won't be your girlfriend before she embarks on this trip.

 

I never said that something is guaranteed to happen, but this whole situation flat out stinks of something. Why does she need to be going on a trip with another man, in another country, for two weeks? Why would any woman in a serious relationship want to do that for no real reason? It's not for work, so why do it? For 2 weeks? This is less about trust and more about respect. You don't respect a man if you decide to go on a 2 week vacation with another dude. In what crazy messed up world is this something that is okay? This isn't a business trip, remember.

 

There would just be no way in hell a woman I am in a relationship with is going to go vacation in another country with another man for 2 weeks, not if she still wants to be my girlfriend when she gets back. I don't care if the guy has someone else, it's just weird.

 

If it is merely about the trip and not about the guy..there should be no problem in this guys gf waiting until he has the time and money to join her. Australia is not in danger of sinking to the bottom of the ocean and unfortunately..the dead friend is ALWAYS going to be dead, it's not a temporary state of being. You can pay tribute to a friend without throwing away a relationship for no valid reason and you can certainly do so without borderline inappropriate behavior. It's hard for me to imagine any guy would be okay with his girl going on vacation for 2 weeks with another man. Just typing that out sounds crazy.

 

You say that if I was your partner and I said this to you that you would dump me. Well the thing there is that if you were my partner and you told me you wanted to go on a 2 week vacation with another man..you wouldn't have to dump me, merely because not .0003 seconds after that revelation I would of dumped you and never looked back. Sorry, this is not a 1-2 day business trip, this is a 2 week vacation with another man. This guy isn't trusting if he lets her do this..he is gullible and frankly a bit naive to think this would be okay. If he lets this happen, then he is basically just signing up for more behavior like this in the future.

 

I am still struggling to imagine any situation where a woman in a relationship that is even remotely serious..wants to vacation with another man for 2 weeks in another country. I don't care if there is a dead friend involved, that is going a bit too far to me. Like I said, it is less about trust and more about the fact she ever even seriously entertained this idea in the first place. One can certainly be a "free spirit" without frolicking on the other side of the country with another man for 2 whole weeks. Since that is NOT what being a free spirit entails. That is something entirely different.

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Standard-Fare

I'm getting the impression they're like, early-20s, unsettled, their relationship's not TERRIBLY serious, and the girlfriend's never been committed to the point where she's had to make sacrifices like -- you can't go on a two-week trip with another dude. She's used to being her own person and doing exactly what she wants.

 

If those details are correct, the girl is definitely going on the trip, nothing's going to change that, and the guy just needs to accept this style of relationship for the time being. She's not going to respond well to any "warning" and certainly not any ultimatum from her boyfriend.

 

But as I suggested before, I think he does have a right to mildly voice his unease. The best way to frame that would be a "I wish I was the one traveling with you, not this other guy. I don't want this to change anything between us."

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The bottom line is this: if all you want from this girl is sex then okay, let her go. However, if you actually think you want to have an actual relationship with her that might develop into something special? No, sorry, her vacationing for 2 weeks with another man simply should not be an option in that case. It is really that simple and if she makes a big fuss about not being able to vacation in another country with another man for two whole weeks then that tells you all you need to know: which is to flee from this woman.

 

So more or less, if you want anything other then sex from this person, tell her if she goes that you guys will be broken up and never getting back together. It might sound harsh and controlling and she is free to do what she wants, but no..it's not cool for her to be going on vacation with another man for 2 weeks. Not unless we just all entered the Twilight Zone. Again I would honestly be very hurt if a girl I was with even considered going on a trip like this with another dude. It's not for work or anything like that. Like I said before: if it is purely about the aspect of traveling for her, then she will have ZERO problems with waiting until you both can go down. Australia is not going to disappear off the face of the Earth in our lifetime, so I am confident she will not be missing out on anything.

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My girlfriend has always wanted to goto Australia. So now she is saying that she is going to go on a two week trip with him in honor of the friend that passed away. At first, I was a bit uneasy about this but quickly came to my senses and told her that she should go on the trip and I support her.
You did not come to your senses, all you did was you caved to pressure. Going on a trip with another man in honor of a dead friend? I suppose that is as good an excuse as any other, but it is still just an excuse.

 

Look at the facts here. She and the other man will either be sharing a room (perhaps bed) to save money, or they will be in each others rooms at all hours of the day and night for much of the time. Either way this will be a bonding experience for their relationship. In such situations, even if they do not have sex, the chances of an emotional affair are great.

 

I have been trying to be honest with her without seeming heartless and selfish.
What is the point of being in an exclusive relationship if it is not exclusive? By definition being in an exclusive relationship is selfish, in that you both agreed to limit how much you are willing to share your partner with members of the opposite sex.
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Op, at the end of the day we have no control of what others do, but we do have control of what we do. If you have faith in your girlfriend, and allow her to do as she would like, you can know that you have done your best.

 

If she decides to stay away, or forms a romantic bond with this other person, so be it, that is her character. Worry about your own character, and let others make their own choices so you can really see their character.

 

If she would chose to stay away, then you are 100% with the wrong person.

 

I have always used this philosophy, and despite relationships not working out (ex had drug issues), it has allowed me to avoid so much strife, jealousy, and resentment, and it has ended with partners having a lot of respect for me. On top of that, when relationships have dissolved, my sense of self/pride remains intact- regardless of the other persons actions.

 

It might not work for everyone, but I do think it is worth thinking about because sometimes in the midst of a relationship it is hard to think about things objectively.

 

One of the best replies I have read on LS in a looooong time. Well said!

 

OP, if you "let her go" you have to let it go, too, When she returns it can't be question after question after question that hints at a lack of trust. Seriosuly ask yourself, when she returns, how will you feel?

 

I'm a little on the fence with this one. I'm not sure it's something I would be okay with for some of the reasons others have stated. It's a circumstantial, situational kind of thing. We don't know the intimate details of your relationship.

 

I love free spirits, their energy, their lust for life, etc. I'm attracted to it. My last gf was one. It took a lot of patience and undertanding for it to work for me. In the end though, it did not.

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georgecostanza

Hello, experienced traveller here.

 

I wouldn't be concerned about your girlfriend going on this trip with the guy. Presumably his girlfriend is going to be there anyway as she's based in Australia, and as another poster pointed out, he must be pretty smitten to be moving countries for her.

 

I'd be more concerned in the long run about your lifestyles matching though. Do you travel much? To certain people, myself included - and it sounds like your girlfriend included - travelling is something that gnaws away at you and eats into your soul until you don't feel like you're truly alive until you're lost in a foreign place, pushing through some foreign bazaar, saying screw it and jumping from a waterfall, making a heart warming connection with a local. If you aren't the kind of guy that can backpack for long trips, for months, then there is a good chance that you will lose her eventually because the world beckons.

 

That's not to say that this guy is more suited to her by the way. Girls travel with guys all the time. Sometimes a relationship develops, sometimes it doesn't. But you're basing this on "if they break up while she's away" - a two week window - she might cheat? You're creating problems for yourself. Let her go, trust her, work hard so you can go too next time. :)

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I wouldn't be concerned about your girlfriend going on this trip with the guy. Presumably his girlfriend is going to be there anyway as she's based in Australia, and as another poster pointed out, he must be pretty smitten to be moving countries for her.

 

I'm sorry, but that is not a good enough reason to have no concern. You say he must be smitten if he is moving to another country for her. Okay, so what does it say about the girlfriend that she wants to go to another country, for 2 weeks, with another man who supposedly has a steady girlfriend? Sorry, this is just begging for disaster.

 

It boils down to the fact this is essentially a vacation. The male friend might be relocating, but the girlfriend is going there..just to go. If it is merely about travel, then why not wait until they both can go? Then, instead of awkwardly having a guy move half way around the world to be with a girl while also bringing another female friend along..you merely have two couples now. Something just does not seem right, this is a classic "third wheel" situation.

 

I mean, if I was so damn smitten with a girl I'm moving to another country for her..I would not arrive there with another woman in tow, because I am not someone who is insane. If I was so inclined to have this person visit, I'd move and wait until I actually got settled, THEN I'd have them come. See, the added benefit of this is that the girls boyfriend could actually come with if they wait a bit. So it doesn't have to be an incredibly awkward trip that is probably going to cause more problems then it is worth.

 

I just don't get the rationale here. I do not get how "go on a 2 week vacation with some guy" is ever okay unless you are single or something. If someone likes traveling around the world a lot that is fine, but then you probably should not be in a committed relationship. If you DO decide to get into a committed relationship, you should probably go out of your way to make sure if you are going to be traveling with someone in another country without your partner..that this person is not a member of the opposite sex. Technically that in itself isn't cheating, but you are just unnecessarily inviting drama into your situation. Seems like a true "free spirit" would want to avoid that. She can be a free spirit without going on vacation with another dude. It doesn't matter if the guy has a girlfriend, do men in relationships suddenly not cheat?

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I'm sorry, but that is not a good enough reason to have no concern. You say he must be smitten if he is moving to another country for her. Okay, so what does it say about the girlfriend that she wants to go to another country, for 2 weeks, with another man who supposedly has a steady girlfriend? Sorry, this is just begging for disaster.

 

It boils down to the fact this is essentially a vacation. The male friend might be relocating, but the girlfriend is going there..just to go. If it is merely about travel, then why not wait until they both can go? Then, instead of awkwardly having a guy move half way around the world to be with a girl while also bringing another female friend along..you merely have two couples now. Something just does not seem right, this is a classic "third wheel" situation.

 

I mean, if I was so damn smitten with a girl I'm moving to another country for her..I would not arrive there with another woman in tow, because I am not someone who is insane. If I was so inclined to have this person visit, I'd move and wait until I actually got settled, THEN I'd have them come. See, the added benefit of this is that the girls boyfriend could actually come with if they wait a bit. So it doesn't have to be an incredibly awkward trip that is probably going to cause more problems then it is worth.

 

I just don't get the rationale here. I do not get how "go on a 2 week vacation with some guy" is ever okay unless you are single or something. If someone likes traveling around the world a lot that is fine, but then you probably should not be in a committed relationship. If you DO decide to get into a committed relationship, you should probably go out of your way to make sure if you are going to be traveling with someone in another country without your partner..that this person is not a member of the opposite sex. Technically that in itself isn't cheating, but you are just unnecessarily inviting drama into your situation. Seems like a true "free spirit" would want to avoid that. She can be a free spirit without going on vacation with another dude. It doesn't matter if the guy has a girlfriend, do men in relationships suddenly not cheat?

 

I don't see the big deal. They've only been together for six months. When I was in my early twenties I went on a 5 week backpacking trip through Central America with a female friend of mine who had been in a serious relationship for two years. Her boyfriend came and met us and traveled with us for a week and a half and everything was fine. And I was single and wasn't moving to another country for another woman.

 

My situation may have been different than the OP's because I knew my friend's boyfriend, but I don't think the situation was even questioned and there was no danger of my female friend and I hooking up or anything. We shared rooms, we both knew what was off-limits and she respected her boyfriend and I respected them both.

 

I don't see the problem with this two-week trip to Australia at all. I understand the OP's feeling about it, but he can't do anything about it. I see his options as let her go on the trip, break up with her, or make a big deal out of this trip with the understanding that she'll most likely break up with him over it.

 

It all comes down to trust and whether he trusts her or not. If I was in the OP's situation I would tell her to have fun and ask for a postcard.

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georgecostanza
I'm sorry, but that is not a good enough reason to have no concern. You say he must be smitten if he is moving to another country for her. Okay, so what does it say about the girlfriend that she wants to go to another country, for 2 weeks, with another man who supposedly has a steady girlfriend? Sorry, this is just begging for disaster.

 

It boils down to the fact this is essentially a vacation. The male friend might be relocating, but the girlfriend is going there..just to go. If it is merely about travel, then why not wait until they both can go? Then, instead of awkwardly having a guy move half way around the world to be with a girl while also bringing another female friend along..you merely have two couples now. Something just does not seem right, this is a classic "third wheel" situation.

 

I mean, if I was so damn smitten with a girl I'm moving to another country for her..I would not arrive there with another woman in tow, because I am not someone who is insane. If I was so inclined to have this person visit, I'd move and wait until I actually got settled, THEN I'd have them come. See, the added benefit of this is that the girls boyfriend could actually come with if they wait a bit. So it doesn't have to be an incredibly awkward trip that is probably going to cause more problems then it is worth.

 

I just don't get the rationale here. I do not get how "go on a 2 week vacation with some guy" is ever okay unless you are single or something. If someone likes traveling around the world a lot that is fine, but then you probably should not be in a committed relationship. If you DO decide to get into a committed relationship, you should probably go out of your way to make sure if you are going to be traveling with someone in another country without your partner..that this person is not a member of the opposite sex. Technically that in itself isn't cheating, but you are just unnecessarily inviting drama into your situation. Seems like a true "free spirit" would want to avoid that. She can be a free spirit without going on vacation with another dude. It doesn't matter if the guy has a girlfriend, do men in relationships suddenly not cheat?

 

You probably don't understand the psyche completely. Yes, she is going there to "just go" as you put it, and why shouldn't she!? She has friends there, and it seems like the OP can't afford to travel any time soon so why should she wait? There is a lot of world and you don't stay young forever. Travelling in your twenties is, I assume, a lot different to travelling in your forties.

 

Also, if she is going to go then it's best that she go with a trusted male friend and his girlfriend. She'll probably end up getting hit on a lot less by virtue of having a male with her than she would if she was travelling with a female. Get this: It's literally impossible to avoid the opposite sex if you are backpacking. Every time you rock up in a new hostel you're confronted with between 5 - 20 members of the opposite sex. All tanned, half-dressed, all having the time of their lives. Romances happen in those situations, but they're a lot less likely to if she's with a friend and his gf. OP just needs to trust her.

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I love how everyone misinterprets the word "trust" and it's true meaning. Trust has to be earned and built, it cannot be demanded. If this "free spirit" intends on staying a free spirit then maybe she shouldn't be in a committed relationship. I personally travel for business and my gf does as well. She has to travel with men on almost every occasion. I have absolutely no problem with it. Now, if she came to me today and told me that she was going to Australia for 2 weeks for pleasure with a mutual friend or even a group of friends that included male friends, then I would have a major problem with it. People say trust all the time and misuse it. I trust my gf not to put herself in compromising situations with members of the opposite sex. I have seen her handle things this way even in front of me and therefore I trust her. If she made a habit out of putting herself in situations where things could "just happen" with a member of the opposite sex, then that trust would be damaged or broken. It's all about how we handle ourselves in situations. We can't control other peoples actions but we can control our own and have a certain amount of control on how others perceive them. Example, if my gf consistently went out and got drunk and made bad decisions, then I wouldn't trust her to go out and act responsibly. Is that quenching her "free spirit" if I ask her not to go out? This girl may not have cheated but in my opinion by merely asking to go for that amount of time with another man shows her character. I wouldn't dare tell my gf that I'm going on a pleasure vacation with another woman. The types of people that do should not be in committed relationships in my opinion. It's all about perception.

 

I think in this situation, it is obvious that her devotion is to this friend (and the deceased one). Not you OP. I'm with Spectre, the fact that she even asked would be a red flag for me personally.

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PegNosePete
if she came to me today and told me that she was going to Australia for 2 weeks for pleasure with a mutual friend or even a group of friends that included male friends, then I would have a major problem with it.

 

I trust my gf not to put herself in compromising situations with members of the opposite sex.

Obviously not... lol. If you did then you'd have no problems letting her go.

 

Things don't "just happen". Things happen because both parties WANT and CHOOSE them to happen. If she doesn't want anything to happen then she can spend however long she likes with whoever she likes and nothing will happen. If something does happen then it is her decision that lead to it happening.

 

If you trust her to always make the right decision then it doesn't matter where she goes or who she goes with. If that does matter then obviously you don't trust her. See definition of "trust" :)

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