caseygirl Posted September 5, 2004 Share Posted September 5, 2004 I am very confused. 8 weeks ago, I met a wonderful man. He is ambitious, dependable and attractive He treats me like a queen in respect to making me feel wanted and desired...yet something is wrong and I don't feel comfortable about it. Pretty much from the get go, he told me about his past releationships with other women and his sexual experiences with them. He told me that he and his ex once had a 3 way with another man. A few weeks later he asked me if I would ever get it on with another guy and let him watch. I said no way!! He tried to justify it, but I still said no. He kept on telling me that it would be such a turn on to watch another man get turned on by his girl. Last week he casually said he was sort of bi-sexual ( claiming to like to flirt with men but never has done anything with a man...I am having major doubts about that! ) Just today, after spending a wonderful weekend together, he asked me to tell him about my past sexual experiences with other men...and he told me it turned him on. I was clearly uncomfortable about it and told him so. He tried to make me feel bad about it but I stuck to my guns and left. He called me this afternoon and after telling me how much he loves me and so on he brought it up and told me that he is open about everything and cannot understand why I don't want to share his fantasies. It was as if he was doing the '' stroke / slap'' with me by praising me, telling me how special I was, yet making me feel bad about not liking hearing about his past sexual conquests or his 3 way fantasies. He said he thought because we were a couple he could trust me with his fantasies and that in future he will remember not to share them with me. I felt as though he was manipulating me and brushing aside my feelings in the entire matter. Is it normal for me to feel turned off a little? Am I over-reacting? Why do I feel that if I don't speak up and leave him now that eventually this will become a problem? We have been together for such a short time and I thought that couples share feelings for the other person so early in a relationship, not ask questions about the other persons past sex life and say it turns them on. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted September 6, 2004 Share Posted September 6, 2004 Its all about your comfort level. Clearly this man engages in sexual acts that not all of us do....and he wants you to share those experiences with him. You seem to be getting deep into something that you are not COMFORTABLE with ! If the idea of the man you love is watching him have sex with the woman laying next to you then you are his ideal girl... If the thought repulses you then you need to end this relationship ASAP ! He seems to be an auto-erotic person...stimulated by vouyerism...homosexual acts...orgies....3 somes...4 somes....if all this is too kinky for you then kindly leave this nympho ..so he can find someone that *wants* to watch him have sex with men and women... Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
lifeisloveispain Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Sounds to me like he wants you to be his personal whore, whether you're into it or not. You say the guy treats you so great, but obviously he doesn't. He's trying to demean and debase you. You've only been together for two months, and he's already trying to get you into this? Sounds like you're nothing more than a big toy for him. Yeah, I guess some people are into this. But if you're not, then there's no excuse for trying to make you feel guilty about it. That's seriously uncool. Personally, I think you should ditch this jerk as fast as possible. Fantasies are one thing, but trying to involve someone in making your fantasies into realities against their will, well, that's just something else entirely. -lifeisloveispain Link to post Share on other sites
Author caseygirl Posted September 7, 2004 Author Share Posted September 7, 2004 Thank you for your replies and yes...it is over between him and I. There are such things as '' early warning signs'' and despite the fact that he has lots of other great qualities...this one is just too negative and will cause me much grief in the long run. He called me up 2 nights ago and completely ignored the fact of the matter or the conversation and told me he loved me blah blah blah. I was astonished that he just acted like nothing happened. Later when I brought it up, he tried to get around it by saying '' I want to move on but I know not to share my fantasies with you now''. He once again transferred the blame to me...as subtle as it may have been. Then last night, after us going out, we were on the way home in a taxi ( my friends were unfortunately in the taxi)...I brought something up that in my opinion was not anything to over-react about, yet he just got out of the taxi, leaving me there. My friends and I were shocked. When I got home he left a message on my machine telling me he did not want to ever see me or hear from me again. Instead of crying...I am relieved and I think he behaved like that because he had no choice left. I was not going to '' give into'' his selfish needs or desires and once he knew this fact there was no more need for me in his world. I have been having very negative feelings about this man, too many questions therefore, I think I answered my own question, and I consider that I got away from him before any more confusion or pain happened. This is for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Wow its good you lost this jerk ! His only concern was : what you could do for him sexually ! Whew ! Along with all the diseases he could have given you and his rude uncaring behavior....you have hit the lottery by ending this Congrats !! Link to post Share on other sites
lifeisloveispain Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 I'm so glad to hear that you got rid of this guy. Way to go! He sounds like a total jerk, and like you said, those are some pretty big warning signs. Way to respect yourself in the morning! -lifeisloveispain Link to post Share on other sites
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