kalika Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Hey everyone, Can I get your thoughts on this: If you are having sex with someone, but aren't in a committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, is it OK to sleep with other people that you are dating too? Second question: If it is OK to be sleeping with other people, since you're not in a committed relationship, then do you specifically tell them that you are sleeping with other people? Or do you just not say anything...??? Or only say something if they ask ?? Link to post Share on other sites
ses Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 You should always discuss the parameters of a casual relationship with your partner (monogamous or polyamorous). STDs and pregnancy are always a concern and protection should always be utilized. Honesty is the best and safest policy. You don't want to involve any hurt feelings or jealousy either. The development of an emotional attachment is always a possibility so you should be careful. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Trep Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Like ses said, it's best to talk about this with the people involved in order to avoid anyone unintentionally getting hurt (emotionally and/or physically, std' etc). Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 I think it's nasty to be sleeping with multiple people at once. I'd be disgusted and 100% turned off if I found out a guy I was dating / sleeping with was fking someone else. I'd stop seeing him for sure. I mean are you that desperate for sex that one person isn't enough? No thanks, wouldn't work for me. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Committed or not, regardless of status of relationship, the very act of having multiple sexual partners is a sign that over-all commitment may be an issue. That would turn me off completely. If you can't be honest with your partners, then you are deceptive and have little or no value for honesty. Bad relationship quality. You should let your partner(s) know so that they are given the opportunity to decide whether they want to continue with what-ever it is he/she has with you. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 If I were seeing someone, even outside of a "committed relationship" (whatever that means), and they had sex with someone else, I would be gone quicker than a vampire holidaying on Venus. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 If I were seeing someone, even outside of a "committed relationship" (whatever that means), and they had sex with someone else, I would be gone quicker than a vampire holidaying on Venus. I am willing to bet this is the vast majority of people. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) I think it's nasty to be sleeping with multiple people at once. I'd be disgusted and 100% turned off if I found out a guy I was dating / sleeping with was fking someone else. I'd stop seeing him for sure. I mean are you that desperate for sex that one person isn't enough? No thanks, wouldn't work for me. Even if you go on one or two dates and the guy is still sleeping around and "experimenting" with multiple women, it is a huge turn off:sick: A high sex drive is lovely and all, but it is also nice to exercise some self control just a tad, once you meet a person you really like. You meet someone you really like. If you seriously like someone, it is in very bad taste to have to go and screw someone else imminently. There is no need to HAVE to have sex? Why not give a person half a chance before gallivanting with others? OR, better yet, be straight up and declare that you want to play the field and have fun. Back not so long ago, as a woman, I would have taken a guy up on that offer, due to getting over a past relationship and not being ready for a anything serious. I made the MISTAKE of meeting a wonderful guy not so long ago and yet sleeping with my ex the night I had my first date with the new guy. I think it was disgusting of me, even though I was NOT exclusive with new guy I had only met once. See, I don't usually go on the best date of my life and then screw other people. Not a chance. Yet, the day I finally met someone new, someone wonderful, my ex texted me out of the blue; he had disappeared on me out of the blue and left me heartbroken. We had intense chemistry so when he texted out of nowhere, I was gobsmacked. As well as my new date went, I decided I couldn't resist meeting my ex and getting closer. I refused to sleep with him and instead just fooled around briefly. It soon became apparent the loser who came back to me was only in it for sex. I was right, he disappeared again! When promising to my face he would NEVER do that:sick: I picked my current guy on my own accord, but it just took me a day or two after my first date with the new guy to figure out that he was the guy I had chosen, and NOT the disappearing prick who came back all of a sudden. ..So there are exceptional circumstances where you genuinely meet someone that knocks your socks off YET fool around with other people. LIKE with me:o My current guy did truly knock my socks off from the moment I met him. I had just gone through so much crap, what with my ex cheating on me with hundreds of women, losing my dogs, having a drama filled overseas trip and guys screwing me around once I returned. I didn't trust guys I met just once to even want to be exclusive, so I thought I owed him nothing since guys... can yeah. I soon realised he was genuine seemingly and within a day or two after meeting him and having fooled around with my ex, I knew I needed to be with my current guy. The vast majority of people who screw around rampantly after meeting a new person do so because they are just not that crazy about them. Otherwise they would move heaven and earth to talk to that person, see that person and honour that person. Unless the person is an epic sociopathic loser who is into you in "his" own way as much as HE can be into someone. But that is another story..... Most players drop everything once they meet a girl who blows their mind. My good female friend met a guy who was bedding new girls every week, he didn't want a relationship yet the earth stood still when he met her for the first time. Edited February 3, 2014 by Leigh 87 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I am willing to bet this is the vast majority of people. I would too. What I did with my current guy is totally out of character for me though and I know in my heart I was crazy about my bf from day one. I seriously don't understand how people can feel good about themselves when they meet people for dates and then screw others. I felt absolutely terrible. And I didn't have sex. Plus it was the disappearing prick who I needed closure with who texted me out of the blue, out of the months he could have texted he chose when I finally found a new guy I clicked with I guess the people who sleep around after first dating: - assume they are not exclusive so they can screw anything that movies - they date people they don't truly care for - they are lying sociopaths who don't care much for people in general and date people whilst still screwing as often as they please:sick: while the person/people they are dating think they could be on to a "good thing":lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Buck Turgidson Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Hey everyone, Can I get your thoughts on this: If you are having sex with someone, but aren't in a committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, is it OK to sleep with other people that you are dating too? Anything that informed, consenting adults do with each other is OK. But informed consent means... do you specifically tell them that you are sleeping with other people? Informed consent. Yes, in general, except in situations such as one-night-stands in which neither party expects that the other is NOT ****ing around with anyone else, you must discuss your sexual status with all partners and obtain their consent. As you can observe from this thread, many people will not consent to such an arrangement. But some will. If it's your thing, find those people. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 My question is, if you like the guy, you enjoy your time together, then why is there a lack of commitment on your part? Plus, I have a feeling that HE thinks that this might be an exclusive relationship. If you didn't think this was the case, then you wouldn't have posted here with those questions. This is another example on why communication in a "relationship" is paramount. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tinderbox8888 Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 To me, if things aren't set, you have no obligation to inform them of anything. Of course you should be using protection to ensure you don't give something to that other person. If you are having sex without realizing if it's a boyfriend girlfriend situation or just casual, I think it has more to do with the other person not defining their needs. Once it's BF/GF then you must stop with everyone but them. But you have no committed to anything so you aren't wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Personally I wouldn't have sex with somebody new (while having sex with someone existing) without informing them that I was also having sex elsewhere. Sex can be a fairly big deal to some people... however, I don't think I actually owe that to somebody if we haven't had the exclusivity talk. If you are thinking of sleeping with somebody, take control YOURSELF and ask them if they are sleeping around or not. If you don't ask, you just presume despite never having the exclusivity talk, you can't exactly be annoyed when you find out later you're just one of many. So I think it's good manners to be open with everybody involved but you're not really breaking any rules if you don't adhere to that. No foul play. Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Do whatever makes you feel comfortable. If I had a date with a guy and I later found out he had sex with someone else the next day, I would definitely see this as a sign he is not that into me. However, if all involved parties are aware this is a casual sex thing (AKA FWB, booty calls etc) I don't see the harm in having more than one at a time as long as you are being extra careful no STDs are getting passed around.. I don't think it would be very ethical to not mention it to your partners though - seeing the risks involved. It' s not something I myself would be comfortable doing - but if you are - have fun hun! Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I think it's nasty to be sleeping with multiple people at once. In an ideal world yes...and I hear ya, but unfortunately we don't live in that Utopian world. Married people are sleeping with other people too, so you can see the dilemma I'd be disgusted and 100% turned off if I found out a guy I was dating / sleeping with was fking someone else. Yes I am sure...and you will be right to feel that way. I mean are you that desperate for sex that one person isn't enough? No thanks, wouldn't work for me The million dollar question isn't it....but I don't think it's about "desperation", it's more to do with...I can get away with it and am going to try Link to post Share on other sites
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