Help me Im a wreck. This is long but I need some help

[metalman]

Hello I need some help. I am 26 and was very late getting into the dating scene. I went through high school and college with no gf and also a virgin. About a year ago i started dating this girl. She was 20 I was 25. She has had boyfriends, sex and has a kid. I was/am a total novice at this stuff. I was terrified of the unknown (relationship ) so we had 4000 starts and stops at first. I would be like cool, then back up, ok then back up. I was scared.

 

There were many points when i just wanted to let her go cuz i was wasting her time. Then I would go home and cry my eyes out cuz i didnt want to let her go. At one point i told her I loved her, then a few months later told her that back then i really wasnt sure that I did. I felt something but I didnt know what to call it. I didnt know what love was. The night I told her that she started crying and I had to drag her down to the floor cuz i didnt want her to leave me. I knew somehting was there but I didnt know what to call it. Well time went on and my stomach would hurt every minute of the day, I was a wreck at work, thinking about her, etc. I came home crying one day because I didnt know how to stop my stomach. I talked to my mom and she explained that what you are feeling is LOVE. She also told me that this is something that "mama cant fix" You have to go through this at one point or another. But it will be ok.

 

Ok fast forward a little we are DATING everything is cool. ANd I find out my gf is preg. I, of course, was ready to jump off a building. More crying, some praying, and I decided not to jump. My mom was so upset that I was so upset that she and my gf didnt speak for a while. I guess my parents thought she tried to trap me. But i know she didnt. We werent using protection. ok nuff said. Well here we are a few months ago and I do the absolutely dumbest thing. There was this girl at my job I knew before I started dating my current GF. We had flirted, as I did i with other girls. One day we went out to lunch (normal) and we went to the park to eat. Ok one thing to another. I kissed her and put my hands in her pants, blah blah. I didnt even like her like that, I dont love her anything. It was like I was daring myself to do it. Curiosity I think. I knew how far not to go (sex) but stil i kissed her and well you know to her private. WHY?? I was attracted to her but it was all lust. I shouldnt even have been there in the first place.

 

Well time goes on further and my girl and I are at the point of a breakup .For some reason I tell her what I had done with the girl. I was compelled to tell her for some reason. She cries, hangs up and thats that. At the end of that day she calls me back and is totally forgiving. I was so surprised. She tells me that its ok and I am forgiven. She said you are really really new at this, temptation is very strong and you have huge amounts of curiosity. I cant believe she understood. What i did was stupid and wrong but I didnt expect to get her back. Its almost like she knew something liek this would happen. Ok so we decided to break-up and take some time, but still be friends. Well the next day she calls me and tells me what she had done. Her and a guy from her job had gone up to the top floors. She says they were daring each other over email. Well meet me up in the observation deck. Oh you must be scared. No im not I'll be up there. back and forth like that. She had been a little flirtatious also at her job also. Well she goes up there and he follows a few mins later. They kiss and he rubs and blah blah blah. But no sex. She tells me this and for a while I was ok with it. We weren't technically together so really she did nothing wrong. BUT I WAS SOOO HURT. I felt like she had cheated on me, when she really didnt. We were broken up but I knew we werent like totally finished. It was an agreed upon separation.

 

Until this day I still feel like garbage. This happened months ago. She has told me she has forgiven me 5000 times and I believe her, but I can't forgive myself yet. What she did still hurts me and I guess it should. I still bring it up and try to explain and apoligize. I thnk she is getting tired of me talking about it. Now we are broken up again. Not for cheating reasons, but it seems like the relationship is slowly dying or has died. We still talk alot and I still love her and she still loves me. I just think she wont be around much longer. Shes only 21 and has a lot of living to do. IM 26 and shes my first. I guess I have a long way to go also. I didnt communicate my feelings well, I didnt know how to handle certain things. I just love her so much and I hated hurting her like that. I wanted to be the guy, she thought was different. Thats why she said she chose me. Her past relationship was not the best one. Dead-beat baby daddy, somewhat verbally abusive. She knew my mom well. I wasnt a thug. I worked. She thought I was special. Now that is gone. I think she has forgiven me, she said everyone makes mistakes. I just didnt want to make a mistake of that magnitutde to her.

 

What im trying to figure out is maybe she was curious about others all along also. SHe said she didnt try to get back at me by doing that stuff at ther job with that guy. So maybe that is something she always wantd to do anyways? kinda like me. She just had enough sense to wait until she wasnt in a realtionship. I pulled the goofy. I am beginning to think that she really didnt need a boyfriend right after her last. SHe just wasnt used to being alone i think. When we go out she dances with other guys (you know DANCING, HIPHOPSTYLE) she has always done it and it always made me jealous. She never cheated on me and she said she just loves to dance. If a guy comes up behind her she just dances with him that simple. I never used to do that with other girls cuz I felt that if I have a gf, I should only be dancing with HER liek that, noy the others. But i didnt want to be a stupid jealous bf and be like dont dance with them blach blah. It has always bothered me. Well sometimes she rally gets into and she puts her arms around them and stuff. Not kissing, but maybe around their neck a little. She often told me that its better we didnt go out together cuz of what I may have seen. She has gotten used to me not dancing. so she got comfortable. Well last week I went out and she happened to go to the dame club. I was dancing with another girl and she was dancing. She didnt see me at first then her friend told her that i had been dacning for a while. I asked her and she really didnt liek me dancing with her all that much. She wasnt like going to get a gun, but its something she didnt want to have seen. I was so happy. I had been waiting for months to get her back to show her how it feels. I wanted her to see me with a girl all over me. Thats not right or good but I wasnted her to see it. So maybe we shouldnt be dating at all?? sorry its so long. Help me out.

[Vie]

I gotta tell you that reading your story feels like reading a script for Aaron Spelling's soap opera...

 

 

I think right now, your relationship with her is based on "vengeance", you said it yourself you wanted to get it back to her and I think she also felt the same way.

This is definitely not a good healthy relationship.

If you really love someone, you wouldn't hurt them in ANY way. Sorry to say but I don't see love in your relationship.

 

 

I think you two are better off apart. However, I hope you can come up with wise decision too as there is a kid involved. I suggest next time you do protected sex.

[coley]

i think she is young and you were way to new at this to

dive into such a serios thing. she has one child i gather from

your post. she should have wanted to keep from having a

second child at 21. she seems to have carried some of her

mental stuff from the last relationship over to this one. i

would say she was so forgiving b/c she is not as inocient

as you think. the email thing was probably going on longer

than you thought. by doing what you did you opened the

door up to guilt free confession for her. i agree this is not a

healthy relationship. be a responsible dad and move on.

[Leikela]

She's too young to be having kids and you're immature relationship wise since this is your first experience. ALWAYS USE PROTECTION. I don't get why people don't do this and then are shocked and upset when they get a girl pregnant.

 

You're not ready for a serious relationship and that's ok. You're new at this and need to test out the waters. She's obviously not ready for a relationship either. Do your future baby a favor and separate from this girl and remain good friends. You'll only end up hurting eachother and making things ugly if you stay together. Live your life and play the field. Also, be there for your baby too and be a responsible Dad.