21st December 2013, 7:38 PM
Join Date: Dec 2013
I thought he as a Good Guy??
So, I dated a guy seriously for several months. We met one another's children and even tossed around the idea of moving in together if things were on the same path in a year or so (loosely - like where we'd each like to live, etc). We had a sad break-up that was a little drawn out.
This man was my first relationship since my son's father (several years prior) and I wasn't aware how hard it would be to let someone in to that "space" occupied by my ex. This caused me to pull back often, and actually end the relationship a couple of times (we quickly talked it out, however.) Eventually, it became obvious I just needed more time before having something very serious. He said, "I can't continue to date you and get so hurt. I'm afraid of how much this hurts and can't find the strength to do it any more. I don't want to lose you out of my life. Can we still be friends?"
He has been a friend. I can call him for anything and he is there for me (to talk, to watch my son when I needed to go to work and had no one, he offered to help me move, we'd gone hiking & out dancing.) I was happy to have his friendship - but he started flirting when we went out dancing. I told him I still loved him. Flirting was crossing the boundary of a friendship - one that was needed considering the circumstances - and he said he wasn't flirting, I was over-reacting/reading into things, etc. (well - he may choose to tell himself that - but he was flirting). We lost touch.
We started chatting casually again and then I found out he has a girlfriend. That was about 5 months ago. Since then if I ask about them (we both always ask about one-another's families, friends we know, etc) he always says, "it's not serious, I just enjoy her company", "it's easy/convenient/nice that she goes to my rock climbing gym (implying that she's convenient)", "it's at a cross-roads" or "we're hitting a rough patch", "it's lacking depth", "I'm not sure how much longer it's going to last."
A) I can listen as a friend - and I usually tell him: "find out what your girlfriend wants and give it to her. Don't be stupid/stubborn. You like her."
B) I don't think it's appropriate for him to tell me anything negative about his gf. I wouldn't want him to do that to me if we were dating.
C) I recently let him know that I'm ready to start dating again. Since then he texts a lot/is more interested in talking.
He has begun flirting pretty openly. Being sexually suggestive, but not graphic (and stated "all the fun is in the innuendo"). He started re-hashing the details of our relationship. Then asked me to go get pizza together. I said I'd love to go -and that he should invite his girlfriend. He didn't reply for a while. I texted to say, "you disappeared." He said, No, just busy. And still flirts, but no mention of gf going. I finally said, I won't go unless I know she knows -and is okay with it. He agreed to run it by her - but he argued "it's just friends, right?" and saying she should trust him or whatever.
So, today there was lots of heavy flirting. Then, I changed the subject to ask what he was getting everyone for xmas. I asked if things were better with his GF since they'd be spending time together for Xmas (she was upset they weren't spending Thanksgiving together). He closes with "their doing great".
Huh? I mean - I've felt very close to this person - and have always seen him as a person of integrity. I've trusted him and now I just feel icky. I don't want to be his back up in case they break up. And I won't be. I don't know if I'd ever date him now - because how can I respect him? All I can think about is how he probably did this to me!! Who knows who he was writing these types of messages to while we dated?? Probably his current girlfriend!!
Does anyone have a different/more sympathetic to his side take? The tiniest part of me thinks: oh he felt more strongly for me than her, and wants to check our chemistry now that I'm back in the game before dumping her for me (yes - it's okay to laugh out loud while you read that - hope I didn't make you choke on your coffee or anything). But - I guess I'm just having a hard time believing my good friend/former flame is a douche bag.
Last edited by tcv78; 21st December 2013 at 7:41 PM..