retroactive jealousy , need some , long

[orgkam]

Hi everyone ,

 

Excuse me for my English i will try to explain this as best i can.

 

Like the title is saying , i'm having some trouble with RJ. I met my girlfriend one year ago. She's great and i love her , our relationship is getting serious at this point as we are planning a future together. Now here comes my problem.

 

like almost every relationship , when we first met and just started dating. We hit it off quickly. We also discussed a little of our past. She told me how many guys she had before me ( 3 ) i told my ( 2 ) it was all good at that point.

We became official on facebook ( i know i know xD ) and we had a really good time together. During our relationship i got to know her better and better. Her last ex , wasn't someone she was proud. She didn't find him attractive etc etc.

 

One time we were sitting behind her computer watching pictures from her when she was younger . Suddenly there were some pictures of her ex boyfriends she kept. I must add to this , she doesn't spend time on this computer at all , and these were pictures from 3 years ago or so. It didn't bother me at this time.

 

The longer our relationship went on , the more i got to know her. Also at one point all of the sudden my jealousy became stronger. I don't know why , but i became more curious. One night i was looking on her facebookpage and with some looking i found out who her last ex was. Then all these questions came in my head. How could she fall for someone like that? why ? etc etc.

 

One night she also told me , she went out with a friend and they got drunk. She just broke off with her last ex boyfriend. During that night out , she kissed with a good friend of her ex. Later on they all got drunk and went to the friends place , so two girls and two boys. My girlfriend slept with him in the same bed and they kissed , she says nothing happened more then that.

 

Anyway at that time i didn't think about it much , we were 4/5 months together? When we were about 10 months together my jealousy became stronger. All the sudden the pictures she had from her exes bothered me. I asked one time why she wouldn't delete them. I also at that time i found the facebookpage of her last ex. I also somehow discovered who the friend was , she slept with during that drunk night.

 

Two weeks ago , we were laying in bed and i just couldn't handle it anymore. She was looking through facebook and looking at people statusupdates when she looked at a status update from the guy best friend of her ex. I just found out about him he was a friend from her ex but i didn't knew he was the guy she slept with. Like i said , i couldn't handle it anymore and just asked her.

 

Is he the guy you slept with? she knew where this was going because she knows i am the jealous type. She confirmed. Then it started to get hot. I asked her all these questions , like " what did you do with him? kiss him? had sex with him? first she kinda tried to brush it off. But i became mad , and she admitted they kissed. They slept together on a bed but nothing happened.

 

I'm like , girl don't lie to me, you told me he was a fun guy , you kissed him. You were drunk ( she's always horny when she's drunk ) but nothing happened. Our night was ruined and i felt like an idiot. Now i'm stuck with these images in my head. But what annoys me the most is that she has this guy on her facebook , and sometimes he's like her pictures , of her , or her and me together.

 

I don't know to handle this , at some point these images keep running through my head. Repeating itself , also when i think of it or the things she has done of these images of her exes i get really distant.

She notices this and always asks me what's wrong.

 

I left some stuff out. But this is my problem guys, i try to fix myself. I try to think about the good things i have with her. I also try to ignore her facebook. I wanted to delete facebook at one point , because i keep looking at the pictures and if i see this guy like a picture from her i get this rage inside of me , and i start to hate her. i started meditating these week , to clear my mind somehow. I'm willing to try anything, i really want to fix this problem.

 

Any of you guys have some advice?

Edited October 20, 2013 by orgkam

[SadSouls]

Ah, Retroactive Jealousy. Doesn't get any worse than this, my friend.

 

I too have suffered from RJ, and like you I have been with my girlfriend for just over a year now. Your story sounds pretty similar to mine in the sense of, when it first started off you didn't care too much then your feelings got stronger and so did your RJ. About half way through my relationship I always thought that the feelings would go away after a year or so, but up to this point they haven't.

 

My girlfriend has deleted her ex's off Facebook, I feel thats a good place to start even if I didn't have RJ. Unlike you however, I've not confronted my girlfriend about her past in such detail, so far into our relationship. Instead, I tend to think of happy thoughts whenever stupid ones come into my head.

 

Just remember, you're the one she's with. Therefore the other guys lost out, she wants you! You can continue to feel down all the time because of your RJ or you can think how lucky you are to be in such a loving, caring relationship (providing that's how your relationship is).

 

Hope I helped.

[orgkam]

Thank you for your response.

 

I try to think of happy thoughts about our relationship.

Also , i'm avoiding her facebookpage as much as possible, also we used to watch photos or videos on her phone from things she used to do etc , i'm always scared someone might popup so, i avoid watching that stuff too.

 

The thing is , she always asks me whats bothering me , when i have one of those days. I won't tell her , do you guys think you should discuss this stuff with your girlfriend or just try to forget about it.

 

@ Sadsouls,

 

one thing that bothered me the most is the guy liking pics. I know you say that i should be proud because she's mine now. But on the other hand , it feels like a slap in my face , and i feel ashamed. Because he slept with her too. So he has also had her , if you know what i mean.

 

*** i hate this **** , why must it happen to me

[giblesp]

Have a look round this forum, there are many who've posted about RJ, myself included.