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I cheated on her but love her!


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My girlfriend and I dated for around 5 years. She had left me for another guy in the beginning of our relationship and i really struggled with that. It resulted in Parts of our time together being on and off. But things got better and we were really in love. About 3 months ago I made the huge mistake of kissing another girl. My girlfriend found out and dumped me, i proceeded to beg and plead her to be with me again. She agreed for about two days and then told me not to talk to her anymore. I told her i would give her space and about two weeks later she called me and yelled at me and i just told her how sorry i was and we ended up hanging out for an entire weekend. It went well but eventually things were up and down and I told her she needed time. She got mad at me a lot and we got into a big argument. I said some things that i didn't mean. Now its been about a month or two since we talked and I just sent her a letter yesterday saying how sorry I am for all my mistakes and for anything i said during the breakup. I told her i was scared and sad. I also said that i would hate to not at least have her as my friend. I simply feel like i cannot get over her even after two months of no contact. I know she loves me and is hurt and angry. I regret what i did so much and would do anything to get her back. Any advice?

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James-London

love is about wanting to be with someone not about needing to be with them. You are far, far to desperate to be with her. if you do all the work of chasing and apologising then she will view you as low value. you need to not contact her anymore. if she comes after you then tell her what you need and want and deserve as well as listening to her. if she doesn't come after you, let it go.

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It was five years and i feel like we were really in love. I'm 19 and i just questioned whether she was the girl i wanted to stay with for good. I made a mistake, but i know she really really loved me. I just don't understand how it can just be over so easily

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So I saw her this weekend at a party and i just tried to be cool and just said "Hey Macy" to her and continued walking by. She said hey back and that was it. I was just trying to keep it simple and not look desperate which i think i did a good job of. Then monday was when i sent that letter to her. Its now thursday and she texted me today after two months without contact. This is what she said "I just wanted to let you know i got that letter. It was very nice. I'm sorry for not talking to you more saturday night i'm just not ready to be your friend. I still hurt all the time and i'm not over what happened. I'm sorry that things turned out like this. I never imagined it would be this way. I hope your doing Okay." So do i text her back or what is my next move?

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So I saw her this weekend at a party and i just tried to be cool and just said "Hey Macy" to her and continued walking by. She said hey back and that was it. I was just trying to keep it simple and not look desperate which i think i did a good job of. Then monday was when i sent that letter to her. Its now thursday and she texted me today after two months without contact. This is what she said "I just wanted to let you know i got that letter. It was very nice. I'm sorry for not talking to you more saturday night i'm just not ready to be your friend. I still hurt all the time and i'm not over what happened. I'm sorry that things turned out like this. I never imagined it would be this way. I hope your doing Okay." So do i text her back or what is my next move?

 

Sure, text back that you hope she's doing ok as well.

 

Then stop thinking about her and move on.

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So i just found out tonight that my ex is hooking up with that guy she left me for in the beginning of our relationship. (Says it in my first post) I am heartbroken and completely destroyed. I always had a feeling she liked him secretly. I know she is doing everything with him that we used to do. It is killing me inside and i hate myself for letting her go. I really thought she was the one and now she just moves on right away and hooks up with this loser? I feel like i hate her now but i also still love her so much. I keep replaying what they r doing in my head and its horrible...please help...

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Golden rule. If ya wouldn't want her to do it to you, don't do it to her.

 

 

LOL! Thing is, she did do it to him. She left him for someone else at the beginning of their relationship. Now, he kissed some other girl and that's her dealbreaker. But, the thing is, she was cheating on you in the beginning of the relationship! And I speculate that it was a LOT more than kissing on her part. Women usually don't leave a current relationship unless they're SURE that they have something else set up.

 

The dude came back in the picture and her discovering that you kissed a girl was all the excuse she needed to bed this dude again. Wouldn't surprise me one bit is she was screwing this guy the same night she broke it off with you!

 

Sorry, but this is toxic and you need to move on. It's okay to do it to you but not okay to do it to her. Pack it up and move on dude.

 

I know what I wrote probably hurt to read. But, there's a reason. I want you to get mad, I want you to say to yourself that that you have self worth and that you don't need to be treated this way. To be disregarded because you made a mistake and kissed some girl.

 

Don't text her back. She wants nothing to do with you. So, you give her exactly that.

Edited by Chi townD
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Damn, I keep on thinking of things.

 

Dude, she making you feel guilty about something. Okay, your a dude and you can own up to your mistakes. But, at NO TIME have you written that she own up to ANY of her wrong doings. She put the blame squarely on your shoulders which was just what she need to do to get back with the guy she originally cheated on you with.

 

Dude, she used you.

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So i just found out tonight that my ex is hooking up with that guy she left me for in the beginning of our relationship. (Says it in my first post) I am heartbroken and completely destroyed. I always had a feeling she liked him secretly. I know she is doing everything with him that we used to do. It is killing me inside and i hate myself for letting her go. I really thought she was the one and now she just moves on right away and hooks up with this loser? I feel like i hate her now but i also still love her so much. I keep replaying what they r doing in my head and its horrible...please help...

OK, i just had to reply to your post : Don't do that to yourself! Before you do anything else, you got to put a lid on that imagination and mental replaying in your head. It's not gonna help. Trust me, I know. Almost lost my then-girlfriend that way 5 years ago. I'm married to her now, and I'm grateful that we pulled through. It wasn't smooth sailing, but whose relation is anyway.

 

5 years ago, the biggest mistake I did was seeing myself as the victim rather than she desperately needing space. I kept in touch,but gave her acres of space.. for 4 freaking months! I'm glad I did. That space to think and evaluate what she wants was the "most precious gift" I gave to her. That was in her own words by the way.

 

We are all human, we make mistakes. Don't be too quick to lay blame nor give up. To be frank, I had some help - a relationship "counselor", sort of anyway. Was too proud to seek help initially. I'm glad I acknowledged the fact that I needed to do things differently and chuck my ego aside.

 

I don't know you personally, and I'm sure you are probably in a different boat than I was then. But I do hope things work out for you. Hang in there buddy.

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This is going to sound ridiculous but it turned out i was wrong about them hooking up. As of the past couple of days we have just been texting eachother and its been mostly small talk. But she isn't acting angry toward me anymore and she is asking about me. I think its a step forward in at least being friends. I'm still hoping to get her back one day though. any advice would be much appreciated. I don't exactly know how to handle the situation that well as its my first time getting out of a really serious relationship

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Advice? Sure....you keep doing what you're doing and you're going to set yourself up for a lot of pain.

 

You CANNOT be friends with a girl you still have romantic feelings for!! You're looking for friendship as a sounding board to get her back! It rarely ever works.

 

What would you want out of this friendship anyway? To meet up for coffee and then have her say that she has to leave because she has to get ready for a date that night? How's that gonna feel?

 

Or you meet up with a group of friends at a sports bar to watch the game and she shows up with her new boyfriend. Later in the night you see her sitting in this guys lap as he's running his hand up and down the small of her back. How's that gonna feel?

 

I'm guessing you'd be okay with it because "at least we're still friends!"

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It was five years and i feel like we were really in love. I'm 19 and i just questioned whether she was the girl i wanted to stay with for good. I made a mistake, but i know she really really loved me. I just don't understand how it can just be over so easily

 

You've made a big mistake and probably lost her. At your age it's common to make these mistakes. Don't be making them ten years from now and you'll be ok.

 

If you love a girl, you don't kiss other girls. Now you know.

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