tuxedo cat Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 This guy just started working with me at my cafe. He's pretty cute but he has a girlfriend (I met her on his first day, but I don't know if he knew that I was aware of her). He also just gives me a slightly smarmy vibe. This was our second day working together. He was being very flirty with me. Every time I would look at him to say something he'd make heavy contact and give me a suggestive smile. When he left, he put his hands on my shoulders (from behind) and thanked me for helping him out that day. A few minutes after leaving I get a text from him that says "Hey Tuxedo, I was wondering if you'd like to get a beer with me some time. I really like talking to you but it's sort of hard at work." Bear in mind we didn't even chat that much, not anymore than I do with anyone. I assumed, perhaps mistakenly, that this was a come on and wrote back -- "don't you have a girlfriend?" He took an hour to respond: "Yes, I do. But I would still like to get a drink with you. I want to be friends. What do you say?" Was I too hasty in assuming anything? I have no romantic interest in him, especially considering his status. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Would u have any romantic interest in him if he was single? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tuxedo cat Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 Would u have any romantic interest in him if he was single? Not sure. ................ Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Girls who have boyfriends flirt with me all the time and it never lead to anything. Some people are flirty by nature I guess. Maybe he genuinely wanted to have you as a friend? Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Bear in mind we didn't even chat that much, not anymore than I do with anyone. I assumed, perhaps mistakenly, that this was a come on and wrote back -- "don't you have a girlfriend?" He took an hour to respond: "Yes, I do. But I would still like to get a drink with you. I want to be friends. What do you say?" Was I too hasty in assuming anything? I have no romantic interest in him, especially considering his status. "Cool - let's figure out a time when all 3 of us can get together." My philosophy: you should only be his "friend" only if you are a truly and honestly a friend of their relationship. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tuxedo cat Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 But enough for you to give him your number. You already mentioned "he's pretty cute" and gave him your number. Who are you trying to convince? Nope, I didn't give him my number. He must have found it on the work schedule. Link to post Share on other sites
oldskl Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 His interests are questionable and unknown. Likely genuine friend. You have already said he is cute, that you have no interest, and that you might, if he was single. Conflicting. You are the weak link here at the moment, as you admit you have more than an interest. Question is not him, but do you trust yourself? No guy asks a girl if there is an apparent zero interest. You must have unintentionally given him some reason to chase. And the fact you think the 'cheating' thoughts over merely friendship and have to post here means you are already subliminally thinking about it in some form. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Imagine that your boyfriend behaved this way with another girl at work - flirting heavily, touching, asking her out for a drink. Is that the kind of guy you want to be "friends" with? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Not sure. ................ How he's acting with you is how he'd act with other girls if he was your BF. If you're happy with a BF flirting with a co worker, touching her shoulders and taking her number without asking her(not good by the way)... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Tell him no beer...just work. You can make friends outside of your workplace. He's the employee - remember that's the role you need him to fulfill. Once you buddy up to people you employ - they get mixed signals about you being their boss. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Don't take him up on his offer. He would be cheating on this girlfriend, under the pretense of friendship. He was flirting with you, making physical contact, and then calling you privately after work. I think it's pretty obvious what he's interested in, and it's not just friendship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tuxedo cat Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 (edited) His interests are questionable and unknown. Likely genuine friend. You have already said he is cute, that you have no interest, and that you might, if he was single. Conflicting. You are the weak link here at the moment, as you admit you have more than an interest. Question is not him, but do you trust yourself? No guy asks a girl if there is an apparent zero interest. You must have unintentionally given him some reason to chase. And the fact you think the 'cheating' thoughts over merely friendship and have to post here means you are already subliminally thinking about it in some form. I don't get the point of this hypothetical. I said not sure because I have no idea how I'd feel if he was single AND hadn't come on to me (assuming he did come on to me). It's possible to think a guy is cute and feel no attraction. Edited September 3, 2013 by tuxedo cat Link to post Share on other sites
Author tuxedo cat Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 Tell him no beer...just work. You can make friends outside of your workplace. He's the employee - remember that's the role you need him to fulfill. Once you buddy up to people you employ - they get mixed signals about you being their boss. He's not my employee. He's a new coworker. But yeah, I didn't respond to his last message. I'm not looking forward to working with him again later in the week--that will be awkward. Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 He's totally scamming on you. Didn't ask you for your number, "hard to talk at work", etc. Trying to keep it on the downlow. If he had honest and good intentions would he do that? Besides, why in the hell would he just want to be your friend anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 He's not my employee. He's a new coworker. But yeah, I didn't respond to his last message. I'm not looking forward to working with him again later in the week--that will be awkward. Just tell him no - you understand he has a GF and you don't want to participate in hurting some else's feelings. If he needs you to spell it out - tell him IF you were the GF it would hurt you to know your BF is going out for drinks with another gal. Co worker - still makes it awkward to work with someone if you date and break up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Yes, he was most likely coming onto you and covering by claiming he just wants to be friends. Doesn't matter whether his intentions were just friendly or something more. What he's asking is disrespectful to his gf. Unless you're interested in the possibility of helping him cheat on his gf or entertaining the idea that you'll steal him away from her, tell him, "Sorry, that's too much like a date to me. I don't go on dates with other girl's boyfriends. I'd love to be friends though. Just let me know when you and your girlfriend are available." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
IAmRobot Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 If my gf asked a coworker out to grab a drink on a one-on-one basis, I'd break up with her in a heartbeat. The question is not if he wanted to cheat. The question is did he already? Link to post Share on other sites
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