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Makingadifference

Hi, I'm new to forums but I wanted to share my experience see if others have and offer help as well at the end of the post. Ok, I was with someone for 9 years. Last month I found out I was being cheated on almost the entire time! I left immediately when I found out. Here's the short of it. It's been hard for me to find someone that I could actually believe truly loved me because of how people are about money. I am well off. If I accomplished that, I also had to find someone to be ok with me being gone for work a total of 3 mths a year spread out and that I couldn't discuss details about certain things because I'm a network and communications security advisor. Well, for 9 years I thought I had a perfect life but recently found out I was constantly being cheated on. I never invaded privacy of people close to me. When I found out, she and one of my closest friends made a plan to take alot from me. Other people I know knew about alot and instead of telling me, some of them did the same in a smaller capacity. I feel like I have lost trust in people. And don't want to carry this with me to future friendships or relationships, I'm devistated, lost my fiancé, friends, I'm sad and don't feel like myself at all and don't want to speak really with anyone right now because I don't know who else to trust.

How have you overcome the feelings and not carried this with you after? Nine years is a long time. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. If you think this is happening like texts, call logs, pictures, computer or everything's deleted I can tell you how if you can message people here. I was great to everyone around me and couldn't imagine this happening if we were married, shared a house and had kids.

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So you were engaged, not yet married? This deception was your so called friends as well? Nine years to have had no clue would shake up anyone's world.

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Find someone who is making similar income and you'll save yourself a LOT of trouble. I know you want to save these women, but for every sweet girl who needs help out there, there's a thousand who will burn you. Don't compromise so much. Learn, adjust, and move forward.

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I'm sorry to learn that something like this happened to you.

 

It's like you're about to start again in your social life. I think for you to avoid this to happen again you should not let people know about your wealth. If they question you how come you can afford to enjoy and buy some expensive stuff, just tell them that you have been working hard and been saving a lot to be able to enjoy this stuff. If they question you how much money you earn, say "just enough". Don't spill the real figures.

 

Also, you should not spend much money on your relationships while the others are not shelling out anything. Go for quality time and conversations. Money should not be the main factor to keep your relationships going. They should appreciate you and look forward to your presence.

 

It might also help to hang out with people who are just as well off as you are.

 

What happened to you was a really terrible thing. Learn from this experience. But never let this experience steal from you the hope for mankind. Instead, let this remind you to seek for the real treasures in life. :-)

 

I wish you all the best. God bless.

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Sorry Makingadifference,

 

Money has nothing to do with who cheats on you, in terms of romantic relations anyway. 50% of couples cheat, this means that either one partner is cheating on the other, or they both are. :sick:

 

Can I ask how did they cheat on you? Did they simply try to scam you out of some material wealth or was it more romantic in nature? The 50% stat has to with romantic-type cheating so I wanted to double check where you were coming from.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you after 9 years. :( I've caught partners cheating on me multiple times and I am still not over it. The latest one was 3 years ago and trust issues keeps popping up in my new relationships in some form or another. Either I am now hyper aware of how people are relating to each other around me, or I'm in the classic situation of "you find what you are looking for" mentality, when nothing is there.

 

Good luck.

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