Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I have been with her for almost 4 years now, last two years have been long distance.

About two weeks ago I found out that she cheated on me with her first boyfriend. Always thought she would cheat and did cheat because she is a flirt, but at the same time I never thought she could do that to me especially since our relationship is so serious.

 

When I confronted her about it, she kept denying it and saying that she would not lie to me, but then I told her about the proof I had and then she came clean. She says she wants it to work out between us and that she won’t do it again, but at the same time I know that she started developing feeling for this other guy before I confronted her about it. Now she says my confrontation is what made her realize that all she wants is me. She is coming to stay with me for a few days this week.

 

I feel that I have lost all my trust in her but at the same time still love her enough to get over the fact that she cheated. I am also becoming very obsessed with what she is doing and with who, since its a long distance relationship.

 

I am not sure what to do since I love her and want to forget it happened, but at the same time, with the way I am feeling, I don’t know if I should take her back.

 

Btw we do have a son together who is 3

 

Please can you put some perspective into my situation?

Link to post
Share on other sites
BreatheForABit

Even if you had a holographic recording of the cheating, she may still just deny, deny, deny. No one likes to be busted out!

 

Use your intuition as a guide though. It is there for a reason!

 

Well at least she had the decency to admit after only a bit of evidence was presented! What do YOU want to do in this situation? Stay? Leave?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Even if you had a holographic recording of the cheating, she may still just deny, deny, deny. No one likes to be busted out!

 

Use your intuition as a guide though. It is there for a reason!

 

Well at least she had the decency to admit after only a bit of evidence was presented! What do YOU want to do in this situation? Stay? Leave?

 

Part me wants to leave but then I start thinking about my son and I don’t want him to come from a broken home. I don’t really know what I want right now

Link to post
Share on other sites

move on. you really want to stay with someone just for a kid? The trust is gone. Think about if you get married, i can bet she will still screw around. She is probably sleeping around while you read trhis message

Link to post
Share on other sites
drifter777

You said she confessed after you told her about the evidence, right? If she did cheat on you then why are you even considering staying with her? Cheating while engaged should be a deal breaker for everyone. I mean, how much more of a signal that she's bad news then this? Snap out of whatever fog your in and tell her to hit the bricks. You can be a great father to your child whether you live with his mother or not.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
LosingHope0806

I find it admirable that you would stay with her because of the child. But it has been shown that staying with someone just because you have a child together does not equal a happy marriage.

 

Yes confront her about the cheating and yes call off the engagement. You can try to "work" things out with her but do not get married yet. You two have a lot of work to do in your relationship. Maybe she just isn't ready to be married and settled down. But you shouldn't hurt because of this.

Link to post
Share on other sites

At the VERY least, you should tell her that the wedding is off for right now. Tell her that you can't stand at the alter and pledge your life to her when you feel like you can't trust her to do the same.

 

She needs to show you some remorse. I have a feeling she's more sorry that she got caught!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
yeah He’s mine

 

have you dna test him?

you don't know for how long they have been cheating on you...

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
SweetiePie12

Sweetie. Let me tell you. I'm in a 14 month relationship with someone who lives with someone else 5 years and says he intends to marry her. I personally think it's a carrot he's dangling in front of the poor ol' girl, but you never know; he may surprise me and go through with it.

 

He has said that when he's married, we will probably have to stop seeing one another. I will believe it when I see it. Because we have developed feelings for one another (as your fiance has for her ex).

 

So to you, I say: don't marry her. Take it from me, someone on the other side of the coin. Your child will be better in a happy home, and her behavior is not going to make you happy :(

 

I agree with others: she's sorry she got caught.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix
Part me wants to leave but then I start thinking about my son and I don’t want him to come from a broken home. I don’t really know what I want right now

 

It would do your son a lot more damage to be in a toxic two-parent environment then in a one-parent one. My grandparents on my mom's side stayed together until my mom was in college despite cheating on each other several times and it did some major psychological damage to my mother that she had to deal with for a couple decades after the fact. So staying together for your son is a bad idea.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
BradJacobs
She says she wants it to work out between us and that she won’t do it again, but at the same time I know that she started developing feeling for this other guy before I confronted her about it.

This could get messy.

 

Advise the DNA testing as soon as possible while you're still looking at this rationally.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
SadHumiliated
...Always thought she would cheat and did cheat because she is a flirt, but at the same time I never thought she could do that to me especially since our relationship is so serious...

 

Wait wait wait...you stayed with a woman who you thought you eventually cheat on you? Omg get out of this. You can still be a good father to your son without having to deal with her bull****. She cheated once, she will do it again, and you truthfully have no reason to trust her because she did infact break your trust.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Well it turn out she was still lying to me. I did decide to stay with her and try to make it work. Even though many thought that was a bad idea and it was. Today as I was just chilling my son came up to me he was playing with me fiancé iPod. My son asked if I could help with something I did as I was doing that I noticed she download a texing app. I took a look at her messages and she still taking to him the conversation went like this

 

Her: I won’t be able to see you for a while

 

Him: why

 

Her: he found out so I have to be a little more careful

 

Her: don’t worry he should be leaving for preseason soon and when he does we can start playing and having fun again

 

Then they stared taking about what kind of thing they would do to each other. After reading that we are done she hasn’t even been her for as full week and she lying. I plan to kick her out after she gets out of the shower

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
drifter777
Well it turn out she was still lying to me. I did decide to stay with her and try to make it work. Even though many thought that was a bad idea and it was. Today as I was just chilling my son came up to me he was playing with me fiancé iPod. My son asked if I could help with something I did as I was doing that I noticed she download a texing app. I took a look at her messages and she still taking to him the conversation went like this

 

Her: I won’t be able to see you for a while

 

Him: why

 

Her: he found out so I have to be a little more careful

 

Her: don’t worry he should be leaving for preseason soon and when he does we can start playing and having fun again

 

Then they stared taking about what kind of thing they would do to each other. After reading that we are done she hasn’t even been her for as full week and she lying. I plan to kick her out after she gets out of the shower

Consider yourself lucky that you found out the truth now and don't have all the legal hassles of divorce. I feel bad for you, but you are doing the right thing for your own peace of mind.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

It’s done kicked out that lying whore. Well after my last post I took my son to my mother’s house. I decide to go for a run around the block just to blow off some steam just to get my mind right.

 

When I got home she went in to hug me I pushed her way. She asked what was wrong all I said was she knew what she’s been doing and she need to stop unpacking and repack her stuff and to get of my house. She stared calling me crazy and she hasn’t done anything and everything is in my head. I just took out my phone a read the messages she sent her new BF (I sent few messages to my phone). The look on her face was priceless. She stared begging and crying btw she a get actress, she wasn’t listing so I told her if she didn’t leave now I would call the cops that did it she was out of the house.

 

The only problem is she won’t stop texting me and calling. I haven’t answered yet and don’t plan too

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Just want say thanks. I usually don’t like to write but writing this stuff out does actually help. So thanks for reading

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
SweetiePie12
The look on her face was priceless.

 

I bet it was!

 

I am so sorry. Hey, she tried to battle you, but you've won the war. Love should not be a battlefield.

 

Someone else will be lucky to have your love.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

What I don't understand in these stories is why the cheater isn't relieved and happy that their "official" relationship is toast...why do they go pleading and begging when they can just go to their other person's place and live happily ever after...? :confused:

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
What I don't understand in these stories is why the cheater isn't relieved and happy that their "official" relationship is toast...why do they go pleading and begging when they can just go to their other person's place and live happily ever after...? :confused:

 

Yup. Was wondering that too.

 

Maybe the absolute thrill you get when you screw around with someone else behind your SOs back is gone? Because the excitement of playing dangerous games is gone? How gross. Excuse me while I go hurl.

 

For some reason I always read your name as USM Chokie. :confused:

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...