LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating > Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

Sexually unfulfilling MARRIAGE


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

Like Tree6Likes
  • 2 Post By Toddbt12y1
  • 2 Post By Darren Steez
  • 1 Post By Later82012
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 15th January 2013, 10:19 PM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1
Unhappy Sexually unfulfilling MARRIAGE

When I first started dating my husband I told him I loved sex. He said he did too

so I didn't think it would be like this. So we've now been married for about a

year. It's becoming quite hard to get him in the sack. When we do its over

maybe five minutes later. I'm lucky if my orgasm isn't interrupted because he

stops moving after his. We have absolutely no foreplay. It's so boring. He was

getting lazy with other things too. I have confronted all issues. He is working on

being better about time we spend together so I'm okay with that. The sex is just

so disappointing. He said I sounded like a guy and I was being selfish. I've

began thinking of sex with other people.. I

hate cheating and have never done it to anyone. I just have some strong urges

and I've let him know how in the mood I get. It's like it doesn't matter. I just

have to wait for him to initiate. I'm rejected 95% of the time. I don't expect it

multiple times everyday or even everyday. I just want to feel bonded and

fulfilled. I want my extreme urges to be rode hard I guess. I can't stop thinking

about doing it with someone else so I can feel desired. This has become a giant

issue. I am so confused as to what I should do. I've heard relationships are more

than sex. A marriage without sex is pretty lonely.
Bellaboo4 is offline  
Old 15th January 2013, 10:33 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Toddbt12y1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,197
Cheating will not answer your problems. It will divide and destroy your world.
Toddbt12y1 is offline  
Old 16th January 2013, 3:59 AM   #3
Established Member
 
Darren Steez's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,562
You feel THAT strongly about it, get a divorce. Better than cheating, never ever cheat, it's a dark road to go down.

Your husband may feel pressured to perform, erectile dysfunction etc. Talk to him or get him to talk to a specialist. Do anything except cheat
Darren Steez is offline  
Old 16th January 2013, 4:13 AM   #4
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 6,111
You should see a marriage counselor who may be able to help you with the sexual incompatibility issues in your marriage. Don't resort to infidelity or divorce. This is something that can often be resolved through marriage counseling.
KathyM is offline  
Old 16th January 2013, 4:17 AM   #5
aed
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 383
talk with your hb about your sex life. Mabey he is also not fullfilled with it, and thinks its bored.

Even when a man has his orgasmes doesnt mean he is enjoying the act it self.

speak about it openly and dont judge each other and play the blame game with each other.
aed is offline  
Old 16th January 2013, 5:28 AM   #6
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Quahog, RI
Posts: 4,131
Sounds like you've already tried talking to him and letting him know how you feel.

Either he can't or won't have the sex you want him to have.

I hate to say it, but if there isn't any change...I would suggest getting a divorce and finding someone who matches you sexually.
KungFuJoe is offline  
Old 16th January 2013, 5:43 AM   #7
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Working on a clear blue summer sky, at BuddhaDhammaSangha
Posts: 22,843
You say you spoke to your H about how much you loved sex, before you married...

Did you know he was like this before you married?
How frequent was your sex life?
has it diminished since then?

Were there any hints or signals at all, before you married, that he was less 'sparky' than you?

A frequently quoted maxim is this:

When the sex is great, it impacts your life for 5% of the time
When the sex isn't great, it impacts your life for 95% of the time.

In other words, when things are a breeze, then sex is never a huge issue.
When life isn't a breeze, it's virtually all you can think about.

Would he consider MC?

IC...?

If you've tried to talk it over with him, you need to expand and tell him you had no idea there would be such a massive difference in sex drives.
More often than not, it's the other way round (hence his "You sound like a guy" comment.... which is interesting in itself. An indication he does feel pressured.)

Ask him what he feels the most favourable solution would be - because you can lower your sex drive about as much as he currently feels like raising it....

Put the ball in his court, so to speak....

What would HE do?
TaraMaiden is offline  
Old 16th January 2013, 10:16 PM   #8
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1
I know that it wont be a popular opinion around here: But I've known folks who cheating actually helped their relationships in three ways.

1) Convinced them that their relationship was over.
2) Didn't cheat, almost did, and realized what a terrible mistake they were about to make.
3) Fulfilled an unmet need at home, in an otherwise fulfilling relationship.

I agree that the better option is to try couples therapy, talk about it, etc. After that, I wouldn't judge you for stepping out. (many people would)
cartographer is offline  
Old 17th January 2013, 11:54 AM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 387
Is there any chance HE'S cheating? Maybe he does like sex after all. A horrible prospect but something that should be considered.
MichiganMan222 is offline  
Old 17th January 2013, 12:31 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 240
Quote:
Originally Posted by cartographer View Post
I know that it wont be a popular opinion around here: But I've known folks who cheating actually helped their relationships in three ways.

1) Convinced them that their relationship was over.
2) Didn't cheat, almost did, and realized what a terrible mistake they were about to make.
3) Fulfilled an unmet need at home, in an otherwise fulfilling relationship.

I agree that the better option is to try couples therapy, talk about it, etc. After that, I wouldn't judge you for stepping out. (many people would)
Would you hold the same opinion if you are on the receiving side of cheating?
Later82012 is offline  
Old 17th January 2013, 12:39 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Keenly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: California
Posts: 6,340
Honestly it sounds like he is sexually bored. I bet you guys do it the same exact way every time and its just not exciting for him anymore. Try sending him some dirty texts at work. VERY dirty texts. Men get turned on when you try to initiate sex in places you aren't supposed to.
Keenly is offline  
Old 17th January 2013, 3:53 PM   #12
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 19
In my last LTR, at first the sex was pretty good. Then at about two years in my ex-gf decided she didnít like sex so much and it slowed to once a month if even that. Nothing much changed - we just stopped having sex with any regularity, then tongues became forbidden when kissingÖ Apart from my ensuing sexual frustration, the lack of close physical contact with her caused her to become just another person in my life. It caused her to become less special to me. I no longer had anyone to get naked with. Frustration with a woman who I once greatly loved led me to leave her.

In a certain sense I feel as if she used sex to get me into a relationship with her, to keep her from being alone. Once the relationship and our living situation had been established she felt she didn't need to have sex with me anymore and thus mostly stopped.

Sex isn't just about pleasure, about getting off. Itís also about bonding and expressions of affections with the other person in your life. It is through sexual satisfaction that many live happy healthier lives.

If I was dating a woman and she refused to have sex with me Iíd think that she really didn't like me that much. If I was dating a woman and every time we got together she wanted to get naked Iíd think she greatly liked me. In both cases Iíd be correct. If Iím in a relationship and she suddenly loses an interest in sex, sheís most likely also lost interest in me. Time to move on.
ImNotOliver is offline  
Old 17th January 2013, 10:26 PM   #13
LoveShack.org Moderator
LoveShack.org Moderator
 
William's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Riding the rails
Posts: 3,944
As the thread starter is a new member and hasn't returned, I'm going to close this and invite the thread starter to alert on this post and request the thread to be re-opened should they desire to make further comment or solicit further input. Thanks.
William is offline  
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
What is really going on sexually? i want to know.. bigmanpayne Separation and Divorce 8 7th February 2008 6:57 PM
Feeling trapped in an unfulfilling marriage. candamar Marriage & Life Partnerships 12 17th October 2006 9:35 AM
How does a man think sexually? Bewildered38 General Relationship Discussion 11 18th July 2005 10:12 AM
Wife cheated...Is sexually unsatisfying marriage possible? Disturbed Infidelity 16 14th September 2004 3:01 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:06 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.