hELP!!!

[LisaC]

Advice on lies from long term relationship Post: 1 | Quote:

 

Please help: My boyfriend of 18 months has numerous adult site logins, is always "missing in action" has girls calling his phone leaving questionable messages, then they say that he is lying about what he is telling me when I call him (I can give more details regarding this). He had a video camera that he got and I asked him what this was for, never let me know. I asked to see his computer at work and at first he threw a fit, I broke up with him, and then he decided to let me see it awhile later. I could see that he had his own "swinger" type site, but most of the pics were deleted. He had very erotic chat emails left under his bed at work, and they even metioned meeting off line to "you know what." He lies about money, his house, what he is doing, and I got his cell phone bills. There are more than enough examples of him calling into work most of the day to run his business, the girl that he said he was not involved with calling quite often, and the like.

Half the time we don't have money for necessities, he is VERY angry when I ask about these types of things, and He promised me that he would get rid of the ADULT sites, but I constantly find more if I really look on the internet and I know how to look up his type of ad. He was living with me, but I told him to leave. I have seen on his cell that there are many questionable calls on his bill. I have just about had it pretty much. I really think he needs a polyamorous relationship, just told him to go ahead and move on. He also gave me an article on these types of relationships. There have been other numerous details of his life left out and such, so I know that he has no problem letting me feel left out to dry and not know what is going on. He also tries to make me feel like I am "crazy" for questioning these things. Please just let me know how you would handle this if you were I. THANKS SO MUCH!!!!

[UCFKevin]

He's cheating on you.

 

If he's making you feel bad for questioning him, that's a surefire sign. ALong with everything else?

 

Dump him.

[Samson]

As I understand you, your boyfriend of 18 months;

 

has numerous adult site logins,

is always "missing in action,"

has girls calling his phone leaving questionable messages,

has girls say that he is lying about what he is telling me when I call him

has a video camera

has a computer at work

has his own "swinger" type [web] site

has very erotic chat emails left under his bed at work

has lied about money, his house, what he is doing,

has given you an article [about "polyamourous"?] relationships

 

finally, he has tried to make you feel like you are "crazy" for questioning these things.

 

And you need advise as to how the situation should be handled?

 

1. Don’t move in with guys you don’t know

2. Don’t move in with guys who leave you their cell phone/bills

3. Don’t move in with guys that have a bed at work

 

Out on a limb here, but I’m gonna guess that your biggest problem isn’t the bf’s behaviour.

[Sundaymorning]

leave him. hes scary to me!

[Confused123]

Lisa,

 

Th8is guy sounds like a real creep... Why exactly are you even wondering what you should do. If I understood your post, he has an adult site??? He has women calling him, he sounds like a real pig. I think you should kick his a$$ out, if you haven't already and find a man that knows how to show a women the respect she deserves..

 

What exactly makes you want to stay with a guy like this? He sounds like a real loser. How old is he?

[Niku]

It sounds like you both want different things out of a relationship. From his actions he wants to still be open for experiences and you want a more deep and intense one on one relationship.

 

Honestly there is nothing wrong with either style of relationship as long as you are in it with a person who wants the same thing as you, which you are not.

 

So you have to decide one thing do you want to spend the effort to try and change a person that more then likely will not change, much less want to, or do you want to take that time to find some one more compatible to what you are wanting in a relationship.

 

You sound like a very nice woman who has many things to offer the right man. I would opt for the second way. Find someone else who is better suited to your needs. I think it will in the long run save you from having a greater heart ache.

 

Hope all goes well in what ever path you take.

Niku

[priscilla]

Get rid of him. Change your phone number and door locks. Unless you want an open relationship with this guy, but it doesn't sound like you do. He will never be monogomous with you.

[LisaC]

Thanks for the affirmations.

 

And, I agree that my behavior re-affirms his behavior. I have a history of this that I could go into, but

 

let's just say family history. It has been very hard and very scary for me to feel abandoned and I am working on that one.

 

Thanks so much for the advice!

 

Lisa

[LisaC]

By the way,

 

He is 41, cruel and mean in lots of ways. I know he won't change, I have to change. What makes me stay

 

is my childhood hurts which I am working on now. I know that this is mostly all of my fault.

 

LISA

[FreeMe]

You're not going to make much progress working on your issues with someone who makes you feel crazy and bad in your life. You should surround yourself with positive people and weed out all the negative ones.