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I love my girlfriend but.......


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Facts of my life:

I honestly love my girlfriend. I see us getting married in the next year or so. We will be buying a home together in about 6 months. I live with my girlfriend, and she is the greatest person ever to come into my life. We have been dating over 6 years.

 

More true facts:

I cheat on her. I go out looking to hook up with other girls. When I go on trips I will either meet a girl and enjoy some sort of physical activity with her, or I will go out and pay for one.

 

I am doing this for the physical activities alone. No emotional reasons what-so-ever. And if your thinking that my girlfriend is not satisfying me sexually it is definitely not true. We have a great sex life and she is ready and willing anytime I mention it.

 

Like I said. She is the love of my life. She treats me great.

 

Why do I feel the need for additional partners? I know I am not alone in this as I see many of my friends and co-workers enjoying the same lifestyle as I am. However I still don’t like that part of myself. What do you think?

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Originally posted by Southside

What do you think?

I think you should stop pretending that you love someone, whom you lie to every day.

 

Seriously, stop being such a prick, one day you're really going to hurt her.

 

(You did ask what I thought)

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I hope she doesn't marry you. How can you cheat on her if you love her. Grow up! She will be soooo heartbroken knowing that the same d*&^k that is supposed to be "hers" is in other ho's.

 

That's nasty. Do her a favor and let her find someone who will not screw anything.

 

Sorry so nasty but I COULD NOT BELIVE your post.

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Your post has gotten me mad, I don't know why since I don't know you or your gf.

 

I HOPE YOU DON'T GIVE THE POOR GIRL AIDS, HERPES, ETC since you actually pay for whores to do you?!?!

 

I can't belive you would think this is okay! Does she know!? Marriage is about loving someone for better or worse, and DON'T GET MARRIED unless you are willing to not cheat. That is one of the majors in marriage!

 

YOU DON'T LOVE HER for real, or else you wouldn't even THINK about sharing yourself with other whores.

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you need to stop what you are doing immediately.

 

as for reasons why, it could be any number of things - you could fear intimacy, abandonment, commitment, even honesty. you could value excitement and lust over stability and love. that's for something for you and maybe a therapist to work out.

 

you will lose this girl. i hope for her sake that you do - i think you are looking for help, and that's good, but while you are thinking about this, you are hurting a girl who deserves better.

 

if you really love her, let her move on to find a guy who is stronger, kinder, and does not have these issues.

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I agree with what everyone has said. You have a very warped definition of love. That is not love and it is very dangerous. How would you feel if she were doing that to you? Do her a huge favor, be honest to her for once and let her go. You are absolutely pitifull.

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I think you might on some level like your girlfriend, but you obviously don't love her enough to stay committed to her. You don't even love her enough to be honest with her. With that in mind, you should NOT be planning a marriage anytime soon. What you're doing is dishonest, and if she ever finds out, you'll be history. You need to mature a little bit before you start planning engagements. Marriage is for men.

 

Stop what you're doing immediately.

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You don't love her, and you are either extremely confused or don't realize you have no need to lie to us here. And in a strong sense you are doing nothing but using the “love of your life”.

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Fedup&givingup

I'm thinking this is MY husband incognito using a phony yet similar situation. For all that have read my thread I posted yesterday about my cheating husband that won't admit it...he JUST admitted it!!! ROTFL

 

Seriously...this goes out to you, whoever you are...CUT THE SH*t!!!! I am dealing with and have been living with this nightmare of mine for SIX freaking years myself. My husband denies ever doing it, although it's as obvious as the nose on his face.

 

This has done some serious damage to me. It's made me VERY insecure and feel quite helpless.

 

I think Jenny hit all the high notes with this involving a fear of committment, abandonment, the whole nine yards. If you came here sincerely looking for help, then Amen. I completely and totally feel that you (and my husband) and any other human being that do this sort of thing have some sort of pathological problem.

 

In all honesty, seek therapy. It's not OK to do. It's not fair to your girlfriend, and it's also VERY dangerous to her health, as well as your own. If you don't think your g/f suspects anything, I'm willing to venture a guess that she does. I TRULY feel sorry for her, and please get some help.

 

The damage this crap has done to me I can't even put into words. IT HURTS, pal. I know nothing is physically wrong with me, and I am high on my soapbox when I say this, but I AM an attractive woman because men look at me all the time-HOWever, when I know my husband has done this again, I feel like a piece of old garbage. He is CONSTANTLY telling me literally every single day how pretty I am, etc, but it means nothing when I know he's been screwing around. One of the scenarios that I found about with him is he had was hitting on a woman that was trying to befriend me; my son and her son were classmates...she is NOT attractive, I mean in the slightest bit, so when I found out he was doing this to her, I realized it was more of a pathological issue he has. You've got the same thing.

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Fedup&givingup

Southside, perhaps you should read what I posted yesterday. It's under married, infidelity. It's called, "Cheating husband that won't admit it", or something LOL. Seriously, I wrote it very clinically so that people could follow it. I didn't want all the emotion in there flooding up...I wanted people to identify with the facts so they could follow along.

 

Take a look at the responses, etc. May your eyes burn, and may you have a change of heart in your ways. I FEEL for your girlfriend.

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If you like to have sex (safe, let's hope) with a bunch of girls, be single or get with a girl who will have an open relationship.

 

What if your girlfriend was to say, "My boyfriend is the love of my life, but I have to go every so often and have sex with other guys."

Someohow I doubt you could overlook her side pieces of a$$--just like I doubt she would overlook yours, if she knew.

 

It doesn't matter if you have satyrisis or she has nymphomania, your need for freelance sex is a problem you need to nip in the bud if you're involved with someone.

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I'm sorry. I do not have a therapeutic response to your queries however I have a suggestion. Break up with her so that she may find true love. Break up with her so that you may go out and find someone you truly love more than yourself. Break up with her so that the new girl that you are true to, cheats on your faith, disrespects your respect and betrays your trust - just so that karmically you can feel the unbelievably excruciating, torturous pain felt when someone you love and trust hurts you in this way.

 

It's just a suggestion, but suggestions such as this are not followed by the selfish.

 

Let go of your ego matey and be true to your self more than anything. Because you're playing the biggest game with yourself only and at the undeserving expense of others you claim to love. You do not yet know the true meaning of love. I suggest you go within and ask yourself these questions.

 

All the best to you,

DC

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Interesting definition of love.

 

 

First of, love is an action, not a word.

 

 

Secondly, if your wife was cheating on you (and how do you know she's not?) would you feel loved by her?

 

Imagine it:

 

Your wife is alone while you are on a business trip.

For some time, she has been feeling intuitively that something is 'not quite right' between the two of you.

Something is just ever so slightly off. (Think she doesn't feel it? Boy are you wrong)

 

A male friend from work stops her in the hallway one day and says, "Hey, do you want to come out for happy hour tonight? You look a bit down. Just me and a couple of other people,"

 

She says, "Sure, that would be great"

 

Oh, she has no intentions of cheating on you. She just wants someone to talk to. WOmen like that emotional connection. Esp when their SO's travel frequently. And especially when a woman has that ever-so-slight nagging sense that something just might....MIGHT...be going on behind her back.

 

 

So she goes out for drinks with the male friend. They end up staying late at the bar. They are having a deep heart-to-heart. You know, harmless talk. Just venting about their lives.

This male friend perhaps is recently seperated from his wife and feeling down.

She in turn talks about the drift between her and her husband. She says, 'He's just great...I mean perfect. Nothing is really wrong. He treats me wonderfully. I just can't help suspecting...you know? Something's wrong with me. He's given me no reason to suspect. But I FEEL it. It's tearing me up inside,"

 

The male friend lends a comforting ear. He puts his arm around her

They are both a big tight at this point, having had several glasses of wine.

 

He walks her to the parking lot.

The stand next to her parked car for a long while, talking.

Finally he says, "I can't stand it anymore. I'm dying to kiss you,"

 

They start making out.

One thing leads to another.

The drive to a motel and spend the night there.

She thinks of you for a moment, but a minute later the anger stabs at her heart, "Dammit, I bet he's done the same thing. I have a right..."

and the rest of the night she doesn't think of you at all.

 

They have really great sex. It's hot. She does things with him she never does with you. She just totally lets go.

 

This is your wife, just picture it.

 

He runs his hands all over body, caresses her, kisses her everywhere, tells her she's gorgeous.

 

The next morning she puts on her clothes, leaves her lover sleeping and heads back home.

She feels riddled with guilt.

Yet excited.

 

You are not due home for another day or so.

 

Her lover calls her later that day to apologize. "I don't know...I guess the drinks got to us. And we're both going through something hard.."

And they end up talking a long time.

 

She realizes the emptiness that has been nagging at her, that disconnect she feels in her own marriage, just seems to disappear when she talks to her 'friend'

 

She fully intends not to sleep with him again but she does plan to keep in touch.

 

"I just want him as a friend." she tells herself. "That was just a slip. I won't do it again,"

 

But she will.

 

Because you opened the door for her.

 

Think it can't happen?

You are stupid.

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i have a feeling i'm going to get screamed at for my opinion but ...

 

i don't think lack of sexual committment indicates a lack of love (provided you're using protection and not endangering your gf in terms of STDs). many men have a wife they adore at home, yet still screw around now&then, for whatever reason - intimacy issues, too many screaming kids at home, etc. i happen to think that it's not such a big deal, as long as it's rare and not found out (so your trips method sounds fine to me).

 

now, i am not married, perhaps i'd think differently if i was!... but right now, i think that when i'm married, if me or hubby want a lil bit of _emotionless_ action on the side now&then, it's allright (provided protection in use).

 

on the third hand, you seem discomforted by your lack of sexual faithfulness yourself. so, perhaps it's best to seek a counsellor/therapist who will help you get down to the causes of it - and then you can deal with it accordingly.

 

best of luck,

-yes

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I won't scream at you, but you're just plain wrong on this one. The Golden Rule is, if it hurts someone else or if it exposes them to injury unnecessarily, you don't do it. If these two had an open relationship (as some couples do have) there would be nothing wrong with his flings on the side, but being the Sherlock that I am, I'm guessing there's a reason why he's sneaking around to get his rocks off. I'm guessing that if she ever found out he was foolin' around, she'd be hurt quite badly. That's why he needs to stop - not because it's in the Ten Commandments but because it's going to lead to alot of raw emotion somewhere down the line.

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Here's the thing...

 

There are always going to be men who say, "I love my wife BUT..."

 

Fine, you love her.

You may see nothing wrong with a little fu***ng on the side.

 

You love your wife right? The fu***ng doesn't mean anything? No harm done?

 

OK, then is it OK for your wife to f**k around?

Really? Is it?

 

Would you be fine with another man's penis in your wife's body parts? Are you OK with another man's bodily fluids staining your bed sheets?

OK, great. Have an open marriage then.

 

No, not OK?

 

Open marriage not OK?

 

Then stop messing around.

 

OR...get divorced so you can screw around to your heart's content.

 

Don't you realize the emotional damage you can inflict on another person by lying to them? Don't you realize you are putting her at risk for disease?

 

What the hell did you get married for?

 

Damn, I don't believe in marriage and it's for this very reason. Nine times out of ten, people don't mean anything by their 'vows'.

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DerangedAngel

Southside,

 

If you still believe your actions are "OK" and you think you truly love this woman - then tell her what you've been up to. By all means, if she gives you the "Oh, Honey it's fine" speech, go about your business. But you and I both know that she won't, or you wouldn't have kept it from her for so long.

 

You want to marry her, fine. But let her decide if she wants to spend the rest of her life with an @$$ like you. She deserves better, and if you really love her like you say you do, you'll let her go.

 

BEST WISHES,

-Deranged

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Wow, I feel like the religious right just cast the first stone without realizing the lust in their very own hearts.

 

Obviously its not something I am proud of or boast about. I do love this woman and the day that our vows are exchanged I will live by them. However at this moment I feel as (many, many, many) men do before they get married. I feel the need to “play”. I do in fact play safe. And it is not an overwhelming amount of times, to me anyway. My playtime has occurred probably around 6-7 times in the last 3 years.

 

I respect your opinions and appreciate them as well. But why do so many of you hate me? You don’t even know me, yet you are ready to tell me what to do instead of giving me advice and your thoughts.

 

For all of you that responded with coin flip argument: What if this were reversed and my girlfriend was doing this behind my back? My response is: As long as I never find out and she plays safe (as I do) and loves me even half as much as I love her, then I am okay with it.

 

One last thing I will say about my relationship with my (not wife) girlfriend: She could never, ever find another guy that loves her as deeply as I do. And I will repeat: The day that our vows are exchanged I will live by them.

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DerangedAngel
The day that our vows are exchanged I will live by them.

 

Before your vows are exchanged, you need to tell your girlfriend of your "playtimes". Don't you realize she might not want to marry you afterwards? I don't know you, I don't know her, but I feel sorry for her as I should.

 

I respect your opinions and appreciate them as well. But why do so many of you hate me?

 

I don't hate you. I do dislike the fact that you would hurt someone you say you care about.

 

You don’t even know me, yet you are ready to tell me what to do instead of giving me advice and your thoughts.

 

Telling you what you should do IS giving you 'advice'. Our thoughts are: you are not being fair to your girlfriend.

 

I hope both you and your girlfriend get what you deserve. Cheers!

 

-Deranged

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Hey, TGauthreaux is that you?

 

If it isn't, maybe you need to read these threads aptly titled, "Cheating While Engaged" and "Want to cheat already." He has the same problem as you, he can't keep his p*cker in his pants, not before, during or after his marriage.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=29278

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t34177/

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befuddled11

First of all, it's impossible for anyone here to "hate" you. Nobody here knows you or has any personal investment in you. However.....naturally so, people are repulsed by your actions, as a good number of people who come to these forums are people who have come to learn that they've been cheated on.......or they've come to have contracted an STD like Herpes or Genital Warts (condoms do not 100% protect against contracted either of these....which by the way, are lifelong STDs..viruses...which can have very real negative and permanent health impacts on women).

 

I'm not even sure what the purpose of your post was.

 

Did you just come here to vent?

 

Gloat?

 

Get people riled? (for surely you'd have been smart enough to have guessed that your revelation would touch a lot of people who post on forums such as these)

 

You're justifying what you do...you try to minimize it by saying you've done it a half dozen times in the past 3 yrs......you profusely claim to "love" your fiancee......you say you're doing this because until you're married, you want to "play"...but that magically once you're married, your whoring around will stop.

 

 

Originally posted by Southside

One last thing I will say about my relationship with my (not wife) girlfriend: She could never, ever find another guy that loves her as deeply as I do. And I will repeat: The day that our vows are exchanged I will live by them.

 

You are highly delusional if you have the audacity to state (and believe!) that your gal will never find a guy who loves her more, when in fact, you are betraying her, keeping secrets from her, obviously doing things you KNOW would devastate her if she did know (and would likely leave you for), you're putting HER HEALTH at risk (sorry toots, but condoms are not 100% protection against all STDs or against getting one of your one-night-stands knocked up).

 

True love is about respect, honesty, loyalty, not keeping secrets, not behaving in a way that you KNOW IN ADVANCE would hurt your partner should they ever find out.

 

You are only deluding yourself if you think that you'll suddenly stop your tomming around once you walk down the aisle. But more than that, it's a sinful shame that your poor fiancee is going to walk down that aisle not fully knowing what kind of man she's going to be committing her life and love to. She doesn't know the real you. She'll be pledging her commitment and love and fidelity to someone she THINKS you are, but in fact, who you truly aren't. She'll be marrying a charlatan of sorts.

 

Your moral compass is obviously broken. You obviously have to work on that conscience of yours.

 

I found this quote of yours a hoot:

"Wow, I feel like the religious right just cast the first stone without realizing the lust in their very own hearts."

 

Whether in fact others have lust in their hearts is of no concern to you. It doesn't excuse your unloving behavior.

 

If you feel so justified in "playing", then why don't you get honest with your fiancee and come clean? Why not, because you'd lose her? Well there you go.

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I don't hate you Southside, but by keeping your flings quiet from your girlfriend, you're not giving her a full choice. If you told her you have sex with other girls and she thinks that is fine, then you've given her a choice. If you tell her you have sex with other girls and she dumps you, you've given her a choice. I also think it will be harder than you think to give up the side sex even with a wedding band on your finger.

 

Maybe you wouldn't mind if she had a few flings of her own, but that's your perspective, not hers. Unless she's said she's interested in group sex or having other sex partners, I'm imagining that she thinks you are both faithful to eachother sexually.

 

Loving someone means giving them a choice. Giving someone false ideas about your fidelity isn't giving them a choice.

 

You might end up hating yourself if your girlfriend finds out what your'e doing and leaves you permanently.

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befuddled11

Yep, love IS about giving someone a choice..and all the information they need to make an informed decision, particularly when it comes to such a serious and important decision as marriage.

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I wouldn’t tell her, because if the roles were reversed I wouldn’t want to know. Ignorance is bliss.

 

 

Do you all really think that what I am doing is uncommon? Seriously, I want to know.

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