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Girlfriend of 1.5 years was kissed by another guy.


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Hey all, apologies for another pitiful "help me with my relationship" post but I would just like to see what people have to say.

 

A brief overview (long story short): We're both 20 years old. We go to college at the same school, however my home city is 4.5 hours away, while she lives in our college town. We've been together since december of 2010. She was the one to tell me she loves me first, I of course hesitated but told her a few days after. This happened about a month after we first met and got pretty intimate.

 

July of 2011, I left for Australia for 4 months to study abroad and we chose to remain together during this time. Never once did I cheat on her. We skyped all the time when I was overseas. It was difficult, but I'm proud to say that I've never cheated on this girl even when there were so many possibilities. When I came home in November of 2011, we nearly broke up. She had grown apart due to us being apart and was enjoying it. She broke up with me twice, both times she came back practically begging that I would take her back.

 

January of 2012, things were back to normal. We spent a lot of time together, and I was trying to regain my trust that was lost during our last incident in November. In May, she traveled with the military (she's in the national guard) to a latin american country for a month. When she came home, I went to visit her right away (traveling the 4.5 hour car ride there). Everything was fine.

A month passed before I could see her again and I discovered she had been texting a couple other of guys. I noticed one text to a guy that she wrote saying, "I've been on and off with my boyfriend for a while". Now NEVER once had I thought we were on and off, excluding the november incident. She then admitted to another guy coming over to her place to watch a movie. She told me that they sat close to each other and he had kissed her at the end of the night. She told me she told him to leave right after that. But when I saw her texts to him, she had been flirting with him for nearly 2 weeks after this happened. I even saw a text to this guy from my girlfriend saying (after the dude kissed her), "It was hard for me not to jump on you"

 

I confronted her and she immediately starting balling her eyes out. She was telling me how sorry she is and even deleted these guys from her contacts and from facebook and told them both that she doesn't want to talk to them again. This next college semester, she has a class with the guy who kissed her and she says she wants to switch out of it.

 

On another side note: We were originally going to move in together in the fall, but we mutually agreed it wasn't smart.

 

I'm confused. I live far away during the summer months and I'm having an extremely hard time re-gaining my trust. She says she wants to do everything she can to fix it. I just hope it's not beyond repair. Has this happened to anyone else or can anyone give advice?

 

I'm torn.

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Hey all, apologies for another pitiful "help me with my relationship" post but I would just like to see what people have to say.

 

A brief overview (long story short): We're both 20 years old. We go to college at the same school, however my home city is 4.5 hours away, while she lives in our college town. We've been together since december of 2010. She was the one to tell me she loves me first, I of course hesitated but told her a few days after. This happened about a month after we first met and got pretty intimate.

 

July of 2011, I left for Australia for 4 months to study abroad and we chose to remain together during this time. Never once did I cheat on her. We skyped all the time when I was overseas. It was difficult, but I'm proud to say that I've never cheated on this girl even when there were so many possibilities. When I came home in November of 2011, we nearly broke up. She had grown apart due to us being apart and was enjoying it. She broke up with me twice, both times she came back practically begging that I would take her back.

 

January of 2012, things were back to normal. We spent a lot of time together, and I was trying to regain my trust that was lost during our last incident in November. In May, she traveled with the military (she's in the national guard) to a latin american country for a month. When she came home, I went to visit her right away (traveling the 4.5 hour car ride there). Everything was fine.

A month passed before I could see her again and I discovered she had been texting a couple other of guys. I noticed one text to a guy that she wrote saying, "I've been on and off with my boyfriend for a while". Now NEVER once had I thought we were on and off, excluding the november incident. She then admitted to another guy coming over to her place to watch a movie. She told me that they sat close to each other and he had kissed her at the end of the night. She told me she told him to leave right after that. But when I saw her texts to him, she had been flirting with him for nearly 2 weeks after this happened. I even saw a text to this guy from my girlfriend saying (after the dude kissed her), "It was hard for me not to jump on you"

 

I confronted her and she immediately starting balling her eyes out. She was telling me how sorry she is and even deleted these guys from her contacts and from facebook and told them both that she doesn't want to talk to them again. This next college semester, she has a class with the guy who kissed her and she says she wants to switch out of it.

 

On another side note: We were originally going to move in together in the fall, but we mutually agreed it wasn't smart.

 

I'm confused. I live far away during the summer months and I'm having an extremely hard time re-gaining my trust. She says she wants to do everything she can to fix it. I just hope it's not beyond repair. Has this happened to anyone else or can anyone give advice?

 

I'm torn.

 

Well she already lied to you once. Who's to say that it won't happened again. Just remember, she will ALWAYS leave something out of the story when she tells you. It makes he feel better inside.

 

I think you know what to do. This girl isn't worth the trouble.

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It doesn't sound good, I'm afraid.

 

Trust is a hard thing to re-establish. And she's undermining it even more, now.

 

Relationships are supposed to be about a deep sharing, and trust, and being able to be vulnerable knowing the oither person loves you. They're not supposed to be about watching your back.

 

Though it's hard, I'd say let her go and move on.

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Darren Steez

I'm afraid if she's telling someone she likes that she's on and off, in her head she's validating her actions and lies and preparing the grounds for cheating.

 

No use balling her eyes out once she got caught, she planned to meet another man whom she knew she liked and he liked her and most likely knew what was going to happen. And I'm sorry she most likely had sex and is not telling you.

 

Now ask yourself is this the woman you want to trust with your heart? You've been honest with her and she's been flirting with other men, putting you out if the picture by claiming you were on and off...check her dishonesty, most likely she's talking to you on skype smiling laughing keeping you sweet, and after she's finished she's talking to the other guy inviting him over for a movie..and when they kissed..he must have at least copped a feel?

 

Look maybe I'm being mean but really you have to be more angry about this, by even still being with her now you are validating her bad behaviour and if you live far away then essentially you are powerless and will be spending your days and nights worrying if your girl is not off with some other man.

 

Ditch her! And save your sanity, and if she asks why..she knows why, she lied to you and sorry after the fact doesn't cut it!

 

Good luck.

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If you really love this girl, then you should give her another chance. I would say you should forgive her but definitely don't forget either because if she could do that once, no telling when she could do it again. So I would say keep your guard up but not to make it so obvious, you know what I mean?

 

And it was a kiss, it wasn't like she had sex with the guy because if she did, then that would change everything

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Yes she was caught but I say honestly man let it go but if it really gets to you, that badly, then I say you should break up with her but if you really love her, give her another chance but she would have to work to earn your trust back. I would say don't trust her at all right away, always keep your ears and eyes open especially when you're around her but at the same time tell her that you still love her but that if she wants this, you guys, to work, then she is going to have to be honest from here on out

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Plan 9 from OS

JMO, but you are not married and you are not even engaged. Therefore, there is zero reason to stay with someone who you don't trust. Without trust, your relationship will go south. Be grateful you two aren't married or aren't engaged and move on. You have plenty of time to find a girl that will be good for you and will want to be with you. This GF clearly is torn about your relationship and she is simply afraid of being alone. You are her fallback plan.

 

Get out now.

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JMO, but you are not married and you are not even engaged. Therefore, there is zero reason to stay with someone who you don't trust. Without trust, your relationship will go south. Be grateful you two aren't married or aren't engaged and move on. You have plenty of time to find a girl that will be good for you and will want to be with you. This GF clearly is torn about your relationship and she is simply afraid of being alone. You are her fallback plan.

 

Get out now.

 

After saying what you have just said, then I happen to agree with you but still at the same time this man should be making that decision about his relationship and if he loves his girlfriend that much and she admits her faults and she admits that the kiss was a mistake, a mistake that should have never even have happened but that it did happen, then he should give her another chance

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After saying what you have just said, then I happen to agree with you but still at the same time this man should be making that decision about his relationship and if he loves his girlfriend that much and she admits her faults and she admits that the kiss was a mistake, a mistake that should have never even have happened but that it did happen, then he should give her another chance

 

Yes you should give her another chance and forgive her but tell her that if it happens again, you are out the door

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If you really love this girl, then you should give her another chance.

 

The above advice doesn't make sense considering you qualified it with what you wrote below:

 

 

I would say you should forgive her but definitely don't forget either because if she could do that once, no telling when she could do it again.

 

You don't give 2nd chances to people if you think there is no telling when she could do it again.

 

And it was a kiss, it wasn't like she had sex with the guy because if she did, then that would change everything

 

She only kissed him because thats what she told him. But its obvious she already lied to him, saying that he kissed her and she told him to leave, when it was obvious she was wanting to be with him all along.

 

She invited him over to watch movies with her, he kissed her, and she told him to leave?

 

Ya, riiiiiiight:rolleyes:

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Plan 9 from OS
After saying what you have just said, then I happen to agree with you but still at the same time this man should be making that decision about his relationship and if he loves his girlfriend that much and she admits her faults and she admits that the kiss was a mistake, a mistake that should have never even have happened but that it did happen, then he should give her another chance

 

If only the problem was just a kiss with another guy - a lapse in judgement - then I think the OP should try to reconcile at least once. However, in the OP it stated that his GF continued to have regular contact with the OM for 2 weeks after the incidents where the texts between the 2 were not innocent. Add to this the texting she has been doing with a few other guys as well where she told them that her relationship with the OP is on and off, contradicting the OP who stated that the relationship has been on the whole time. When you factor all of that in, this is a trust issue not a stolen kiss with a single guy.

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