zipper Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 my boyfriend recently sided with me on an argument we have been dealing with forever. so, he lives with this girl who i don't really like, well, she is the worst, she is obnoxious, attention seeking, but for some reason by boyfriend considers them to be good friends. she is also the best friend to this insane chick he used to hookup with before we started dating. one day when we were out she (his roommate) snuck into his room, with the chick he used to hookup with and put a picture of her (ex hookup chick) in his bed. They must of thought this was hilarious because they posted a whole photo album on facebook, which i unfortunately saw. I told him about this and he thought is was weird too, but never confronted them about it. so since then not only have i disliked his roommate i have not really trusted her, which for so long he didn't understand until i finally explained it in terms of him and an ex hookup of mine. now he says he understands why i don't trust her. He is now asking me is they can remain friends? well, they are going to remain friends because he wants to. he said she was there for him when no one else was, which i have yet to understand, and that he is loyal to her. Do you think i have the right to feel uncomfortable about this? also how should i deal with my boyfriend living with this girl who is just the worst, and who i don't think i will ever like? can males and females be friends? or is this just a weird set up? please! advice! Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 Males and females certainly can be friends (I have lots of male friends), however the living together thing is problematic to say the least. Why does he have to live with her or she with him? Can't they both find same-sex roommates? I'd say there is a lot more there than you possibly know and understand your red flags; I'd be concerned too... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BeyondtheClouds Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 Ideally speaking, I prefer a guy who lives on his own and has very few and arms length female friends. I did have to recently help my bf clean house of a potentially toxic woman. But I do know there's a recession raging out there, and sometimes sharing can save you a few bob. But in you're case Zipper, it sounds to me that you boyfriend is committed to his friends. My suggestion to you is to quietly downshift the relationship and look elswhere. If he notices (and he may not), just tell him that it since it seems that he could do the friend thing so well, you decided to join the party (and find a boyfriend elsewhere). Link to post Share on other sites
LolaRuby Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 I think guys and girls can be friends but maybe just really express to him how you feel about how immature this girl and her friend seem. If they're anything like you've described them, they'll make him see their stupidity soon enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 Ideally speaking, I prefer a guy who lives on his own and has very few and arms length female friends. I did have to recently help my bf clean house of a potentially toxic woman. But I do know there's a recession raging out there, and sometimes sharing can save you a few bob. But in you're case Zipper, it sounds to me that you boyfriend is committed to his friends. My suggestion to you is to quietly downshift the relationship and look elswhere. If he notices (and he may not), just tell him that it since it seems that he could do the friend thing so well, you decided to join the party (and find a boyfriend elsewhere). Don't do the bolded part. If you want to get out, just plain get out ... what she is suggesting is very close to cheating and you don't need to demean yourself to this level. Look, stop fretting over this, take it as a better test you are giving him. If he passes (breaks it up of his own accord or moves out/whatever) then good ... if he fails it, isn't it better to fail it now than 20yrs into the future ? PS: You are right to feel this way, those 2 sound like immature jerks, and a threat. Link to post Share on other sites
Amorfati Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 This is difficult situation. Since he lives with her at the same flat, asking him to loose contact with her is unrealistic. and maybe, saying this will stimulates some desires. You shouldn't make him feel you are jealous of her or decrying her. Instead, next time try to contact with a girl, and make her understand that he is yours , you are better, more confident than her etc... Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 It's actually pretty easy for guys and girls to be friends. Unfortunately, your guy is being guy blind. He believes the animosity is about him so he's enjoying the strokes but that's not what this is about. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 A middle ground could be they remain friends but not cohabitants. How long exactly is 'forever'? Also, how old are you and he? Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 I have no issue with opposite sex friends---- UNTIL-they cross the line of interfering with the primary relationship. A man, (or woman ) who allows their romantic partner to be treated disrespectfully by their friends is NOT good relationship material. I've been through it---it's NOT worth the headache. Here's a great, eye-opening article on the subject---I just read it last night, ironically--- Advice: Help! Is it wrong to have expected my ex to set some boundaries with his interfering female friends & family? | Baggage Reclaim 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Hi, Zipper! Just today, a friend of mine called up very upset because her b/f seems to have this untoward loyalty to a female friend. She put up with it for too long and brought the subject once and yet again to him. She asked him to delete that particular friend from his fb and to stop chatting so much with her. He refused. She said she would say something to the female friend. To which he replied "Don't do anything to embarrass me in front of her!"===really? Those last man points just got flushed in the toilet. Now we know where his loyalties lay. He had demanded that she delete certain male friends from her fb that he was uncomfortable about her being friends with. She obliged. He would not do the same for her. My point? Look elsewhere. He is immature. These 'friends' of his are immature and he clearly doesn't hold you in high esteem. Seems these other ladies come first when YOU should be the priority. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts