my husband has 2 children on the way

[leslie]

please help me i don't know what to do!

 

i just found out yesterday that i was pregnant. i was so very happy on my way home from the doctor and as soon as my husband got home from work i ran out to his car to tell him the good news. i thought he would be so happy as we have been trying for nearly a year to get pregnant.

 

instead, he broke down in tears and refused to say anything to me right then. he got back in the car and left. i was so very confused at this point and couldn't figure out what on earth was wrong with him. later that night he called me and said he was coming home and that we needed to talk.

 

when he got home he sat me down and threw this whole story at me... he had been seeing another woman for 6 months and she was 3 months pregnant with his child!

 

i was completely stunned. i thought we had the perfect marriage. i thought we were happy...? i asked him to leave and he has not called since. i don't know where he is staying. if he is with her. i don't know when i should call. i don't know if i want to keep the baby. i don't know.

 

please someone help me. should i ask him to go to counseling with me? i don't want to talk to him alone.

[Tony T]

By leaving you, he has made a choice. He drove away from YOU, his WIFE, for destinations unknown. Now it's time for you to be tough. Call an attorney on Monday, get papers ready, and be sure to nail him for expenses you will incur having the baby, child support for 18 years, and support for you until you are able to work..

 

I don't advise people on abortion. That's a decision you have to make based on your own person beliefs, not mine or anybody elses. It's very sad that you must go through an entire pregnancy alone in this kind of pain. You, yourself, should see a counsellor to help you through this. I seriously doubt all the kings men can help you trust this man again.

 

Perhaps a little bit of time will make him come to his senses...but that still won't undo what has happened or bring back the trust.

[Benedict]

Wow, Leslie, that is so sh*tty. Man, I am so sorry. Nobody should have to hear that.

 

I have no idea what to say to you. I am certainly not going to tell you what to do. I will, however, tell you what not to do: Don't do anything permanent right now. Take a little time. Got close family? Maybe a sister or mom? They may be able to help a LOT - and that is certainly important - but remember, if you get back together and are making it work, he will always be the "cheating bastard" to them.

 

Hmm.. I am thinking that this guy ain't worth it, but that is a choice you alone will have to make.

[leslie]

my entire family lives in canada.. i am in the southern U.S.

 

i don't know if it would be a bad idea to call him now. i can't seem to think with a clear head. i'm going to call monday and see if i can make an appointment to see a counselor, but what am i supposed to do until then? i don't understand how he could do this to me. i don't know what i did wrong. i love him so much.

[dhgfdgdfg]

divorce him. not only did he cheat on you, he left you. hello! love is not an option here!

[Vivid_29]

Keep your baby, but kick his a$$ to the curb! You don't need this crap!

 

~V

[lboogie]

Oh my I first would like to say that I am so sorry that you experienced what up did, but this is the part where you have to be strong.

 

 

I have been in a similar situation myself, the difference was he wasn't my husband but we had been together for 6 years then. My ex boyfriend who I have twins by did the same thing to me. I already had his twin boy and girl, then I got pregnant by him about 4 or 5 mos. after I had my babies, well come to find out he had 2 other women pregnant at the same time...so I had an abortion. I can say this much I don't regret my twins for nothing, although I'm raising them by myself, but I do regret having that abortion as an act of anger. So don't just rush into an abortion if that's is your thought. You can raise a child alone and you will find someone who will except you and your child and treat you right, I know I have.

 

Now about your husband, I know that's your husband and I can't tell you how to feel or what to do but since you asked for opinions I'm going to give you mine, I personally feel that you should divorce him. I tried to work things out with my kids father after he cheated on me and it didn't work because the past is/was to be the future. No matter how much I tried to get over it, the fact is he cheated on me and their were 2 babies to prove it. I wouldn't put myself through that again for a million bucks.

 

All I can say is good luck to you and I hope that everything works out for you and you do what you feel is right for you and no one else; you have to leave with your decision.

[midori]

I think you should first try to reconcile yourself to the idea of being a single woman again. This man is not someone you can depend on, no matter what happens down the road. There are all kinds of red flags in this story, here are the big ones I see:

 

1. He was having an affair. Instead of telling you about the problems he was having in the marriage (if there were any) or the needs he had that weren't being met in the marriage (if there were any) he just started another relationship. Not the most responsible thing to do. It's a selfish way of avoiding one's problems.

2. His lover got pregnant but he still didn't take any decisive action. If you hadn't become pregnant what was he going to do -- not tell you that his lover was bearing his child? Live a double life?

3. Instead of dealing with you once you announced your own pregnancy, he has disappeared. That's his child you're carrying, yet he's not showing any concern for what's going on.

 

This adds up to a very irresponsible person. Someone who is not able to deal with the consequences of his own actions. Not someone you can depend on. There's a whole world of emotions involved in this situation for you, more than I can begin to imagine, but that much, at least, is very clear.

 

Whatever decisions you make, make them knowing that. Should you keep this baby? Depends on whether you think you can manage alone. Should you stay in the US, or return to Canada to be near your family? Depends on what you need. Should you file for divorce? Depends on how long you want this situation to last.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you're talking to your family about this, even if they're far away. You're going to need a lot of support in the coming months. Good luck, Leslie, and please keep us posted.